So last week on How I Met Your Mother, Robin was in a situation after a bad date where the guy never called. It's not that she wanted to go out with him again, but she wanted him to call. She simply wanted him to want her, is there anything wrong with that?
How curious is it to want a guy to want you, even though you don't want him. Well it would be curious if I didn't know exactly the feeling. Last year I had the same thing happen. I went out on a date with this guy; it was okay, but I didn't really care if I saw him again or not. I told my friends that, I even have written proof in my journal saying, "I'd be surprised if he called."
He never did, I was miffed. Then I forgot about it and 4 months later I saw him again. It was in a bar, he was with another girl. He approached me and we talked awkwardly in front of his new girl. I got jealous.
Why do we do this? Do I really expect him to want me after 4 months and a bad date? I never really liked him in the first place, why should he still want me? Maybe it’s the natural desire to want someone to want you.
It might sound absurd, but when I end things its fine. I had my fill; he wanted me and I rejected him. Done and done. When he is the one who rejects me or when it just fizzles out, where is the satisfaction? Where is the allure? More importantly, who wins?
Inevitably, until we find a guy we want to date and mutually wants to date us, its a perpetual game. A game of wanting the ones don't want me and the ones who do, well they scare me away.
Maybe I need to be a little easier on them.
11 February 2010
05 February 2010
Trying to Reach the Ground
Every once in a while stop and ask yourself, "When have I gone too far?" What is too far really? Is there a point where we are going so fast in some undetermined direction that we stop noticing the world around us, that we lose grasp of what we are striving so hard for? How long does it take to lose ourselves?
01 February 2010
Speed Dating
As we all know, the dating life is brutal and so every once in a while we need to spice it up a bit, branch out and find new ways of meeting people. To all singles out there, I highly recommend speed dating. As crazy as it sounds, its totally fun and at the very least a great story to tell later.
First thing you must know about me, if you don't already know, I am horrible at the whole dating game. I honestly don't think I have ever made it past date 3. I seem to attract the guys who want to get to serious too quickly and so I jump ship. The other scenario involves guys who play the text message game instead of calling, and I get bored of them before they even ask me out. (for the record though, after two weeks of texting, do you blame me?)
Anyways, my friend and I decide speed dating would be fun, so we find one sign up and decide to go. The day of, the location changes... from a swanky lower east side lounge, to an Uno Lounge down at South Street Sea Port. No matter, I am meeting up with my friend ahead of time and then were heading down together. Of course, we hop on the wrong downtown bus resulting in us taking a cab from city hall to the location. After train, bus, cab and some walking we finally make it. Hopping out of the cab we look around for the place, all we see is UNOs Pizza. We look at the place, at each other, at the place and literally at the same time say "you've got to be kidding me." As we had already paid, we trudged on.
We walk in, check in, drop our stuff at our table, grab a drink and talk with the girls until the event begins.
How it works: Girls each get a number (1-10) and a table. We stay stationary. Guys get corresponding numbers (31-40). Guys will rotate at the end of each 5-7 minute session. As we go we are supposed to take notes on said guys so we can, in true elementary school fashion, check yes or no as to whether we want to see them again.
Let the games begin.
I was girl number 6 with a nice little table in the corner, I begin with guy 36.
#36- Codename "Fist Bump"
This guy sits down and introduces himself with a fist bump, hence the nickname. He and I start talking, not entirely sure whether the event has officially started. Were both there for the same reasons, to have fun and meet people. Apparently he and 3 of his friends are there for the hell of it because they thought it would be fun. My question is if they all live and work in Brooklyn, why are they coming to Manhattan to speed date. No matter. I get a fist bump every time I make a cool or obscure comment, and for working in film and any other time he feels like doing so. He does ask me if i could describe myself in one word or phrase what it would be. I say care bear. Then I top his question with "if you could be any office supply, what and why?" He struggles for an answer, and is impressed with my comeback. I get another fist bump. I think the total comes to 5 or 6 at the end of 5 minutes. My friend was slightly jealous, she only got 3. If 6 fist bumps in 5 minutes doesn't say he's into me, I don't know what does.
SWITCH
#35- Codename "Boobwatcher"
#33- Codename "PA"
In hindsight, this guy looked a little like my friend Annie's friend from High School, Mike. Mike was the roomie of the girl sitting at the table next to me, they came hoping the event would be larger and then they could actually deliberate and discuss when they were on their date. Little did they know they would each only have 7 dates. He was a nice guy, a little whiny about the organization of the event. Once we got past that, we had a really nice conversation. He works in computers, but has worked in television... kinda just fell into it when he did. He's lived all over and is worldly. Talking to him was refreshing. At the end of the end of the next session his roommate leaned over to me and asked me what I thought because he actually liked me and checked yes for my box...
He had striking blue eyes, worked in finance for a small theatre company. He was completely interesting, completely good looking and completely disinterested in the event. He was roped into it literally 10 minutes before it started. Where he was nice and cool, I highly doubt that he had any desire to further the event past that night. I'm not saying I did, but come on the whole point was to meet people and make connections. Blue eyes or not, show a little enthusiasm.
When I think Boris, I think the Who song "Boris the Spider." Really gruff voice singing "Boris the Spider!" with metally music behind. Why I know that song, I don't really know. I also think Boris and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Boris is intrigued by my name, so I tell him its origin. Do you want my family history too? Then we get on a tangent about alcohol, I have a glass of red wine. He apparently disapproves. He likes white wine. Wimp. We get into an alcohol discussion and I proceed to detail my taste. I'm a girl who likes dark and flavorful beers, whiskey, brandy, Bourbon and scotch. What can I say? I throw that out only to 1. dumbfound most guys and 2. because they think its incredibly sexy. When our session ended he plain and simply tells me he want to skip all the bull shit of getting emails and puts his phone in front of me. 1. that's against the rules, and we know I play by the rules 2. I don't put my number in any one's phone (such an odd, odd ritual). I instead throw down my card. It has my contact info, and if he can actually hold on to it and give me a call, I might actually give him a chance. So, this totally plays to my idea of guys thinking girls drinking guy drinks is sexy. Any one care to refute that?
Anyways, I go down my list, check yes or no, turn my sheet in and leave the rest up to fate. Tis all we can do at this point, is it not? I reconnect with my friend, we have a much less epic journey back to her place where we have a beer and discuss our findings. Whether or not any love connections are made is not the question or the answer really. Did we have fun? Yes. Was it a great story... better than I imagined it could be.
First thing you must know about me, if you don't already know, I am horrible at the whole dating game. I honestly don't think I have ever made it past date 3. I seem to attract the guys who want to get to serious too quickly and so I jump ship. The other scenario involves guys who play the text message game instead of calling, and I get bored of them before they even ask me out. (for the record though, after two weeks of texting, do you blame me?)
Anyways, my friend and I decide speed dating would be fun, so we find one sign up and decide to go. The day of, the location changes... from a swanky lower east side lounge, to an Uno Lounge down at South Street Sea Port. No matter, I am meeting up with my friend ahead of time and then were heading down together. Of course, we hop on the wrong downtown bus resulting in us taking a cab from city hall to the location. After train, bus, cab and some walking we finally make it. Hopping out of the cab we look around for the place, all we see is UNOs Pizza. We look at the place, at each other, at the place and literally at the same time say "you've got to be kidding me." As we had already paid, we trudged on.
We walk in, check in, drop our stuff at our table, grab a drink and talk with the girls until the event begins.
How it works: Girls each get a number (1-10) and a table. We stay stationary. Guys get corresponding numbers (31-40). Guys will rotate at the end of each 5-7 minute session. As we go we are supposed to take notes on said guys so we can, in true elementary school fashion, check yes or no as to whether we want to see them again.
Let the games begin.
I was girl number 6 with a nice little table in the corner, I begin with guy 36.
#36- Codename "Fist Bump"
This guy sits down and introduces himself with a fist bump, hence the nickname. He and I start talking, not entirely sure whether the event has officially started. Were both there for the same reasons, to have fun and meet people. Apparently he and 3 of his friends are there for the hell of it because they thought it would be fun. My question is if they all live and work in Brooklyn, why are they coming to Manhattan to speed date. No matter. I get a fist bump every time I make a cool or obscure comment, and for working in film and any other time he feels like doing so. He does ask me if i could describe myself in one word or phrase what it would be. I say care bear. Then I top his question with "if you could be any office supply, what and why?" He struggles for an answer, and is impressed with my comeback. I get another fist bump. I think the total comes to 5 or 6 at the end of 5 minutes. My friend was slightly jealous, she only got 3. If 6 fist bumps in 5 minutes doesn't say he's into me, I don't know what does.
SWITCH
#35- Codename "Boobwatcher"
I swear from the moment this kid sits down to the moment he leaves, this kids eyes don't leave my cleavage. Now I mean they did tell us to dress sorta business casual, or even like first date type dress so naturally my shirt that says "I'm up here" with an arrow pointing upwards was out of the question... but I didn't think I was going to have to wear it. Less than a minute into the conversation I was talking wildly with my hands trying to both excite the conversation and direct his eyes else where. I was like an air traffic controller, or one of those tour guides: "If you direct your attention away from my cleavage, you might realize I'm more than merely my rack."
*NOTE* I do not actually have an "I'm Up Here" Shirt, but am now considering making the investment.
SWITCH
#34- Codename "Taurus"
He was cute, and cute in a way I'm not normally attracted to. He was a bit bull like, big upper body, muscular. It came to no surprise that he was a Taurus when astrology came up. He was nice. We geeked out to old movies and quirky stuff. He's a bit of a musician, loves harder rock and Gun's and Roses. All in all he was nice, I'd love to have him as a guy friend... as nice and fun as he was though, he just isn't my type at all. I mean, I'm a team sports kind of girl and he likes Olympian and solo stuff. Though he might win the prize for most fun and interesting conversation of the night.
SWITCH#33- Codename "PA"
So I might have been a tie watcher with this guy... he had the most horrendous tie, decorated brightly with medical instruments. I straight up ask him "so are you in Medicine?" He replies "I'm a PA." "Great, now is that production assistant, personal assistant, physician's assistant, producers assistant..." I list off a few more, "though judging by the state of your tie, I would guess physician's assistant." He looked at me dumbfounded. I'm sorry, if you're going to throw out acronyms like you're impressive, I'm going to throw sass back in your face. He didn't seem to really want to be there, so I mostly laughed at his unintentional humor. Little man with thinning hair, bitter, tired and roped into attending the event by his friends because his friends like his car the best.
SWITCH
#32- Codename "Stockbroker"
This guy defined being a stockbroker as playing mind games. He said the trick to it was to make the clients on the initial encounter think you don't need them to be successful, that you already are. They will want you and want to work with you. Interesting take on things because I have heard dating described in the same way, especially the initial contact. He was interesting, fun... slightly dumbfounded when I said I worked in film. Why is that so surprising? Not going to lie, I did judge him a little, okay a lot, when he said he walked 18miles home from work one night from financial district to Forrest Hills Queens. Okay maybe my judging was because he lived in Forest Hills. Not sure if he was trying to impress me or what... but that's a long, long, long walk home. I guess, though, he does have the chance to tell his kids one day "I used to walk 18 miles home from work..."SWITCH
#31- Codename "The Roomie"In hindsight, this guy looked a little like my friend Annie's friend from High School, Mike. Mike was the roomie of the girl sitting at the table next to me, they came hoping the event would be larger and then they could actually deliberate and discuss when they were on their date. Little did they know they would each only have 7 dates. He was a nice guy, a little whiny about the organization of the event. Once we got past that, we had a really nice conversation. He works in computers, but has worked in television... kinda just fell into it when he did. He's lived all over and is worldly. Talking to him was refreshing. At the end of the end of the next session his roommate leaned over to me and asked me what I thought because he actually liked me and checked yes for my box...
SWITCH
#38- Codename "Blue Eyes"He had striking blue eyes, worked in finance for a small theatre company. He was completely interesting, completely good looking and completely disinterested in the event. He was roped into it literally 10 minutes before it started. Where he was nice and cool, I highly doubt that he had any desire to further the event past that night. I'm not saying I did, but come on the whole point was to meet people and make connections. Blue eyes or not, show a little enthusiasm.
SWITCH
#37- Codename "Boris"When I think Boris, I think the Who song "Boris the Spider." Really gruff voice singing "Boris the Spider!" with metally music behind. Why I know that song, I don't really know. I also think Boris and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Boris is intrigued by my name, so I tell him its origin. Do you want my family history too? Then we get on a tangent about alcohol, I have a glass of red wine. He apparently disapproves. He likes white wine. Wimp. We get into an alcohol discussion and I proceed to detail my taste. I'm a girl who likes dark and flavorful beers, whiskey, brandy, Bourbon and scotch. What can I say? I throw that out only to 1. dumbfound most guys and 2. because they think its incredibly sexy. When our session ended he plain and simply tells me he want to skip all the bull shit of getting emails and puts his phone in front of me. 1. that's against the rules, and we know I play by the rules 2. I don't put my number in any one's phone (such an odd, odd ritual). I instead throw down my card. It has my contact info, and if he can actually hold on to it and give me a call, I might actually give him a chance. So, this totally plays to my idea of guys thinking girls drinking guy drinks is sexy. Any one care to refute that?
Anyways, I go down my list, check yes or no, turn my sheet in and leave the rest up to fate. Tis all we can do at this point, is it not? I reconnect with my friend, we have a much less epic journey back to her place where we have a beer and discuss our findings. Whether or not any love connections are made is not the question or the answer really. Did we have fun? Yes. Was it a great story... better than I imagined it could be.
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