Live, Learn, Love: London

As I boarded the plane, slightly tipsy from sitting in the airport bar, I kept making eyes at the adorable Frenchman sitting down the row from me on the plane. When I say adorable, I mean he had a curly shag hair cut, dressed in a button up shirt, a blazer, jeans and a red scarf. At that moment he was heaven to me, and yet there is something completely magical about a place that makes you feel so at home that time stops.

I got off the plane in London and forgot all about the mystery man I was making googley eyes at. Simply, I was home; I felt home and in that moment nothing else mattered.

There is nothing quite as satisfying as being able to simply take off for a week, disappear and get away. I am new to this whole jet setter thing, but could easily get used to it. As I got away, I joined the ranks of my hostess and her friends: Shakespeare Master’s Students at a prestigious college in London. Clearly I was going to be drinking and philosophizing all week… I better get my game on.

The single best reason to fly international is for the free booze. Truthfully, a couple glasses of wine and a Benadryl will knock you out for enough time to get some rest… I only advise this if you are flying overnight though. I passed out and was ready to rock and roll when I got to London.

This was my 4^th trip to London and quite frankly it was nice to be able to just exist in the city. No papers, no class, no touristy stuff I needed to do, I was able to just experience the culture. People watching is an amazing thing.

My favorite thing about London is how orderly everything is, a place for everything and everything has its place. The underground is easy to understand, everyone walks on their left as they walk down the street. Warning labels are clear. Escalators are easy; it’s so easy to fall in step with them here.

Many days (I say this as if it were some epic journey) were spent in the company of my friend’s friends and classmates. They were all the artsy, fartsy grad student type. To them I was a bit of a goddess… reassuring them that no matter what there are always jobs for English majors. Their lives revolve around stories, no wonder they like the ones who actually partake in story telling for a living. “Being someone’s hero,” for just being me is quite an honor… though why anyone would want me as their hero is another story.

Sadly, no crazy adventures took place. Disappointing, I know. My trip to London should at least include a fleeting romance that lasted only a week, perfect scenario and perfect time of life… blah blah blah. That didn’t happen. The only love affair was between me and the city.

Instead of romance I get a text from this guy I have already rejected twice. I really don’t know how I keep meeting these sad pathetic guys… What do I do? Drink to his stupidity with my friends. For me, I will not find some fleeting love in London; I am already in a long standing affair with the city itself (and Shakespeare, but that is another story).

I won’t lie; I fell in love a little more each time I visit.

Highlights of my trip:

12^th Night- I have seen at least a dozen performances of this play and yet I can’t get enough of it. April and I went to see a stunningly splendid fringe performance of this show. I got pulled up on stage to dance with one of the characters! Go figure, I loose my inhibitions and get up on stage in London.

Road Trip, Bus Style- Since April had never been out of the city and I wanted to take a day trip, we ventured via bus to Stonehenge, Salisbury, and Bath. Words can not begin to describe just how awestruck I was at each location. You can just feel the history as you walk around. I know people always say that Stonehenge is less impressive in person. Let me tell you, it might be smaller than it seems but I’ll be damned if I didn’t get weak at the knees in its presence.

Pubs and the chill drinking culture- My dream come true is a reality every day there, sitting around a pub theorizing on life, love, and Shakespeare while just being.

Meeting Manuela for Tea in Angel- there is nothing quite like being able to meet a fond friend in a foreign land. It’s a sense of home, though tea was brief.

I think I have to concede that my motto still remains: Live London, Learn London, Love London.

The Lion Tamer and the Lion

Sitting on the bus on my way back to NY, I listen to “Free Falling” by Tom Petty. I am reminded of my junior year of college, specifically my spring break trip to Detroit. There were 6 of us, and in many ways it changed our lives forever, mine anyways. At the time we were all wide eyed and optimistic for the road ahead, no fear and eager to change the world. In a way we were all free falling into nothing.

It will never quite be the same. Part of me wants to go back to high school and college, doing everything exactly the same because I want to better retain all I learned. Such unique circumstances yield amazing opportunity for growth. I now look back and feel I might have been trying too hard to experience life and figure things out, but never really learned anything.

Take love for example, I have never really been in love. Now I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of hopeless, dead end dates. There was this guy in college, there is always “this guy in college.” I met him my sophomore year, we hit it off and I let him in. In general I am a person who has to be very sure of herself before I let people in. This was the first time I had ever been so unsure and yet so willing to let the chips fall where they may. I was legitimately falling for this guy and I was okay with it.

One broken heart and two years later, there was a chance we could have gotten together, but I never gave him a clear signal. I was conflicted, and I wasn’t going to let him hurt me again. It was tough; everything was so natural with him, not easy per se, just natural and felt right.

Since then, I have not found anything like it, and so nothing lasts more than three dates. I blame my three date problem on the brutality of the NY dating life. I am sure there is some pseudo psychological tie in, but I’m sorry when I date someone I should be that school girl who is excited about seeing the guy… even a little giddy. Every date I have been on in the past year has been a bust. There was even one time where I walked through a revolving door into Barnes and Noble where I was meeting the guy, saw him standing there, and continued right around, out the door and walked around the block.

That is never a good sign.

These guys are all nice, respectable, and fun; I have always gotten along well with them when I first meet them. There is no spark, though. It takes a spark to make a fire and once I realize that there is no spark (whether or not a further fire starter is needed), I cant waste my time. I can’t stand leading people on, nor can I stand dating just so that I am not alone.

The few sparks that could have gone somewhere have eventually fizzled out because of distance.

I sometimes wonder what if one of these guys was the one, and I over looked him. I can only hope that if that were the case, they would come back when the time was right… otherwise I have lost them to the universe.

Here’s the deal, right now I want someone, something that is open to what could be but is not quick to apply definitions or motives. Several guys I have come across were too eager to jump into a relationship. Call me a coward, tell me I have no reason to hesitate, tell me what you want. Its not going to make me any more likely to jump. Do not try to tame this lion… or at least if you’re going to try to tame me, be sly about it.

Beware the Ides of March

Today was a day like any other, and yet like nothing at all. I started my second week on this new job, still working out of the same Brooklyn offices I worked out of before. The walk to work was no different than it had been before, but it was completely different.

Recently my body is on autopilot as I walk to work, giving my mind time enough to just wander. I know the walk like the back of my hand, no way am I going to lose my way or miss a turn. The only problem is that nothing seems right. It was a grey and dreary day, but its not a new thing. What was up?

Suddenly I was noticing a building with vines crawling up it, apartments that seemed out of place for the street, awnings I didn't know existed, colors that were too bright or too dull, ally ways I had never seen before, and streets that even as I walk straight down them as usual seem unfamiliar. My IPOD played all the songs it tends to neglect. For a brief moment in time I felt out of place but at home all in one go.


Something has to be going awry today. Clearly I must have stepped into some alternate parallel universe, what other explanation is there for suddenly feeling like you don't know where you are anymore? That is aside from the silly existential crises so common to my existence. As soon as I got to the office, I would plan an escape route... or an adventure.

There was of course no need for one. I blame it on the Ides of March, this day always seems to put me in an odd mindset. However, as off as I felt, I welcomed the change in perception. My head is so often left in the clouds pondering this existence that I sometimes forget to notice things around me. I hate that tendency, and yet we all fall victim to this lack of perception.

In a way, that's what the Ides of March is all about. Ceasar failed to notice the displeasure and restlessness of his Senate, which led to his ultimate demise.

"Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in
our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

I like to think that this particular day is not one of malfortune, but a time to pay attention, to open our eyes, to take action, and to take hold of our own fate. We may not always know what is out there or what it is we are really beginning to understand, but opening our eyes to the world around us is the first step to getting there.

Alternatively, if I am stuck in some parallel dimension, then awareness of the world around me can only help to get me back home.

*I am aware that malfortune is not a dictionary word, but misfortune is not quite what I was going for. When in need of a new word, I say make it up.*

War, Peace and Roommates

Somehow, I find myself in the midst of an apartment war. Battle is at a stand still for the moment. Any attempt I have tried at peace talks has failed; all that is left to do is to wait it out, watch for signs of a potential attack and hope it will all work out in the end.

Funny, the way we end up in situations, wondering how we get there in the first place. Aside from not letting her move in in the first place, was there was anything I could have done to prevent the situation? Probably not.

All in all, she has now indicated intent to move out. When? I have no idea. The only notice I received was in response to an email I sent about rent and bills: “I need the March rent when I move out. I'm not going to give you my rent check this March If I don't move out you can't look for a new roommate so don't worry.”

Not only does this not make sense, but indicates she doesn’t understand her legal obligations to the apartment. She also ignored the fact that she owes me money for bills. Like hell I’m not going to worry.

What do I want in a living situation? All I want is to live peacefully, to communicate like adults and, in an ideal world, be friends. Well, and someone to pay bills on time. She is not that roommate, but I’m stuck because she’s on the lease.

No matter what, I still try to live by the golden rule. This has been a struggle for me. How do you show respect for someone who clearly thinks you’re out to get her, and who tells you how much they hate you every time she confronts you?

You do what you have to do. You live as you normally would, still reaching out if you need to, still trying to not create drama, and (as my mother said) not expecting anything in return. This is a hard, hard, hard thing to do.

Many people have offered advice:

• avoid her all together, communicating only by post its and emails,
• hold her to her actions (if its something she would blow up at you over, return the respect)
• write to her parents with an invoice of what she owes, clearly reminding them of her legal responsibility
• push all her buttons until she goes crazy and either threatens or hits me
• talk to the landlord and get her evicted (this actually takes more violation on her part)

Why won’t any of these actually work? Recent history tells me she either cannot or will not understand simple communication, and she thinks beyond reasonable doubt that I am deliberately screwing with her. Why waste my time contriving plans that won’t produce results, will escalate the situation and will leave me feeling guilty? For my sake, even though it frustrates me how nothing is happening, I need to hold down the fort and wait it out. After all, “If you’re going through hell, keep on moving, don’t slow down, you might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.” At least I have friends and family to help me get through.

If all else fails, I am secure that if it came down to it, I could take her. And if it turns out that she is some weird possessed ghost like in the ring, I always have an escape plan.

Do you ever find your self down a path and not quite sure how you arrived there?

I Want You to Want Me

So last week on How I Met Your Mother, Robin was in a situation after a bad date where the guy never called. It's not that she wanted to go out with him again, but she wanted him to call. She simply wanted him to want her, is there anything wrong with that?

How curious is it to want a guy to want you, even though you don't want him. Well it would be curious if I didn't know exactly the feeling. Last year I had the same thing happen. I went out on a date with this guy; it was okay, but I didn't really care if I saw him again or not. I told my friends that, I even have written proof in my journal saying, "I'd be surprised if he called."

He never did, I was miffed. Then I forgot about it and 4 months later I saw him again. It was in a bar, he was with another girl. He approached me and we talked awkwardly in front of his new girl. I got jealous.

Why do we do this? Do I really expect him to want me after 4 months and a bad date? I never really liked him in the first place, why should he still want me? Maybe it’s the natural desire to want someone to want you.

It might sound absurd, but when I end things its fine. I had my fill; he wanted me and I rejected him. Done and done. When he is the one who rejects me or when it just fizzles out, where is the satisfaction? Where is the allure? More importantly, who wins?

Inevitably, until we find a guy we want to date and mutually wants to date us, its a perpetual game. A game of wanting the ones don't want me and the ones who do, well they scare me away.

Maybe I need to be a little easier on them.

Trying to Reach the Ground

Every once in a while stop and ask yourself, "When have I gone too far?" What is too far really? Is there a point where we are going so fast in some undetermined direction that we stop noticing the world around us, that we lose grasp of what we are striving so hard for? How long does it take to lose ourselves?

Speed Dating

As we all know, the dating life is brutal and so every once in a while we need to spice it up a bit, branch out and find new ways of meeting people. To all singles out there, I highly recommend speed dating. As crazy as it sounds, its totally fun and at the very least a great story to tell later.

First thing you must know about me, if you don't already know, I am horrible at the whole dating game. I honestly don't think I have ever made it past date 3. I seem to attract the guys who want to get to serious too quickly and so I jump ship. The other scenario involves guys who play the text message game instead of calling, and I get bored of them before they even ask me out. (for the record though, after two weeks of texting, do you blame me?)

Anyways, my friend and I decide speed dating would be fun, so we find one sign up and decide to go. The day of, the location changes... from a swanky lower east side lounge, to an Uno Lounge down at South Street Sea Port. No matter, I am meeting up with my friend ahead of time and then were heading down together. Of course, we hop on the wrong downtown bus resulting in us taking a cab from city hall to the location. After train, bus, cab and some walking we finally make it. Hopping out of the cab we look around for the place, all we see is UNOs Pizza. We look at the place, at each other, at the place and literally at the same time say "you've got to be kidding me." As we had already paid, we trudged on.

We walk in, check in, drop our stuff at our table, grab a drink and talk with the girls until the event begins.

How it works: Girls each get a number (1-10) and a table. We stay stationary. Guys get corresponding numbers (31-40). Guys will rotate at the end of each 5-7 minute session. As we go we are supposed to take notes on said guys so we can, in true elementary school fashion, check yes or no as to whether we want to see them again.

Let the games begin.

I was girl number 6 with a nice little table in the corner, I begin with guy 36.



#36- Codename "Fist Bump"

This guy sits down and introduces himself with a fist bump, hence the nickname. He and I start talking, not entirely sure whether the event has officially started. Were both there for the same reasons, to have fun and meet people. Apparently he and 3 of his friends are there for the hell of it because they thought it would be fun. My question is if they all live and work in Brooklyn, why are they coming to Manhattan to speed date. No matter. I get a fist bump every time I make a cool or obscure comment, and for working in film and any other time he feels like doing so. He does ask me if i could describe myself in one word or phrase what it would be. I say care bear. Then I top his question with "if you could be any office supply, what and why?" He struggles for an answer, and is impressed with my comeback. I get another fist bump. I think the total comes to 5 or 6 at the end of 5 minutes. My friend was slightly jealous, she only got 3. If 6 fist bumps in 5 minutes doesn't say he's into me, I don't know what does.

SWITCH

#35- Codename "Boobwatcher"

I swear from the moment this kid sits down to the moment he leaves, this kids eyes don't leave my cleavage. Now I mean they did tell us to dress sorta business casual, or even like first date type dress so naturally my shirt that says "I'm up here" with an arrow pointing upwards was out of the question... but I didn't think I was going to have to wear it. Less than a minute into the conversation I was talking wildly with my hands trying to both excite the conversation and direct his eyes else where. I was like an air traffic controller, or one of those tour guides: "If you direct your attention away from my cleavage, you might realize I'm more than merely my rack."

*NOTE* I do not actually have an "I'm Up Here" Shirt, but am now considering making the investment.

SWITCH

#34- Codename "Taurus"

He was cute, and cute in a way I'm not normally attracted to. He was a bit bull like, big upper body, muscular. It came to no surprise that he was a Taurus when astrology came up. He was nice. We geeked out to old movies and quirky stuff. He's a bit of a musician, loves harder rock and Gun's and Roses. All in all he was nice, I'd love to have him as a guy friend... as nice and fun as he was though, he just isn't my type at all. I mean, I'm a team sports kind of girl and he likes Olympian and solo stuff. Though he might win the prize for most fun and interesting conversation of the night.

SWITCH


#33- Codename "PA"

So I might have been a tie watcher with this guy... he had the most horrendous tie, decorated brightly with medical instruments. I straight up ask him "so are you in Medicine?" He replies "I'm a PA." "Great, now is that production assistant, personal assistant, physician's assistant, producers assistant..." I list off a few more, "though judging by the state of your tie, I would guess physician's assistant." He looked at me dumbfounded. I'm sorry, if you're going to throw out acronyms like you're impressive, I'm going to throw sass back in your face. He didn't seem to really want to be there, so I mostly laughed at his unintentional humor. Little man with thinning hair, bitter, tired and roped into attending the event by his friends because his friends like his car the best.

SWITCH

#32- Codename "Stockbroker"

This guy defined being a stockbroker as playing mind games. He said the trick to it was to make the clients on the initial encounter think you don't need them to be successful, that you already are. They will want you and want to work with you. Interesting take on things because I have heard dating described in the same way, especially the initial contact. He was interesting, fun... slightly dumbfounded when I said I worked in film. Why is that so surprising? Not going to lie, I did judge him a little, okay a lot, when he said he walked 18miles home from work one night from financial district to Forrest Hills Queens. Okay maybe my judging was because he lived in Forest Hills. Not sure if he was trying to impress me or what... but that's a long, long, long walk home. I guess, though, he does have the chance to tell his kids one day "I used to walk 18 miles home from work..."

SWITCH

#31- Codename "The Roomie"
In hindsight, this guy looked a little like my friend Annie's friend from High School, Mike. Mike was the roomie of the girl sitting at the table next to me, they came hoping the event would be larger and then they could actually deliberate and discuss when they were on their date. Little did they know they would each only have 7 dates. He was a nice guy, a little whiny about the organization of the event. Once we got past that, we had a really nice conversation. He works in computers, but has worked in television... kinda just fell into it when he did. He's lived all over and is worldly. Talking to him was refreshing. At the end of the end of the next session his roommate leaned over to me and asked me what I thought because he actually liked me and checked yes for my box...

SWITCH

#38- Codename "Blue Eyes"
He had striking blue eyes, worked in finance for a small theatre company. He was completely interesting, completely good looking and completely disinterested in the event. He was roped into it literally 10 minutes before it started. Where he was nice and cool, I highly doubt that he had any desire to further the event past that night. I'm not saying I did, but come on the whole point was to meet people and make connections. Blue eyes or not, show a little enthusiasm.

SWITCH

#37- Codename "Boris"
When I think Boris, I think the Who song "Boris the Spider." Really gruff voice singing "Boris the Spider!" with metally music behind. Why I know that song, I don't really know. I also think Boris and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Boris is intrigued by my name, so I tell him its origin. Do you want my family history too? Then we get on a tangent about alcohol, I have a glass of red wine. He apparently disapproves. He likes white wine. Wimp. We get into an alcohol discussion and I proceed to detail my taste. I'm a girl who likes dark and flavorful beers, whiskey, brandy, Bourbon and scotch. What can I say? I throw that out only to 1. dumbfound most guys and 2. because they think its incredibly sexy. When our session ended he plain and simply tells me he want to skip all the bull shit of getting emails and puts his phone in front of me. 1. that's against the rules, and we know I play by the rules 2. I don't put my number in any one's phone (such an odd, odd ritual). I instead throw down my card. It has my contact info, and if he can actually hold on to it and give me a call, I might actually give him a chance. So, this totally plays to my idea of guys thinking girls drinking guy drinks is sexy. Any one care to refute that?

Anyways, I go down my list, check yes or no, turn my sheet in and leave the rest up to fate. Tis all we can do at this point, is it not? I reconnect with my friend, we have a much less epic journey back to her place where we have a beer and discuss our findings. Whether or not any love connections are made is not the question or the answer really. Did we have fun? Yes. Was it a great story... better than I imagined it could be.

Mouse Tracks

Every year, well since I moved to New York anyways, I have gotten yearly visits from the mice that roam the street. Really its only ever in January when its cold and unbearable outside. Who wants to brave the elements then? Surely not I.

Ivan, well that’s the mouse, generally sets up camp for a few weeks, avoids our traps and munches on some of our food. He is a bit of an annoyance, but as soon as we turn lights on he scampers away.

Little did he know that he would have to face my current crazy roommate. The bane of my existence becomes the bane of his. My way of dealing with him is to keep the place extra clean, and indeed it is cleaner than it has been in years past. Her way is to put out traps and complain to our super everyday.

I explained to her my disdain of sticky traps, asked her to put them away (rather I went around and cleaned them all up). I went down and spoke to the super, asking him if he would come up and repair our mouse hole so that my roommate wouldn’t attempt to merely plug it with steel wool.

The super repairs the hole and she plays nice with me. Only problem is that I think he repaired it while the mouse was hiding somewhere in our place. She puts back out all of her sticky traps, which I then have to track down all of them again.

I have a talk with her again about how much I dislike the sticky traps… to which her reply is “I think you care more about the mouse than you do me.”

She did have a point. I don’t particularly care much for people who are completely heartless, selfish and think only how things affect them. To everything I say or do, her reply is “you realize you’re not the only one in the apartment.” Is she so self absorbed that she thinks the world should revolve around her, or that I do things to deliberately piss her off?

No matter. I clean up the traps and think nothing of it anymore. The mouse is safe, for now anyways, until she decides to put more traps out. The next morning I out and go grocery shopping, come home and hear awful and terrified squeaking. I drop my bags, hoping that my eggs don’t break in the process and look for the poor thing. Right behind the trash can was a trap, damn I missed one. Poor Ivan was stuck. How stupid could I have been? I didn’t know what to do so I grabbed my keys and walked out the door in tears.

I come back a little later and check on the mouse again and as I move things he runs quickly to his safe haven. I let out the loudest cheer I can. He was seriously stuck when I saw him earlier and he managed to work his way free. Ivan is clearly Mighty Mouse. He has won for now. Go Ivan! I just hope he has enough sense to stay out of my apt and away from my crazy roommate… she will never let him live.

The Case of the Grey Fedora and the Big Trade Off

It was a dark, cold and dreary night. Okay so maybe it was only dark and mildly cold, but I wanted to set the mood for the story.

Let's start over. Truthfully, it was a night like any other Friday night in the city. The big debate is whether or not to brave the cold, or to stay in. I, while currently out of work, was inclined to just stay in. The social part of me, however, urged me to go out and be social as I'd been a homebody most of the week and I had several invites. In true Maura fashion, I try to do it all.

I started the night with dinner and a movie from which I had to make a mad dash back to Brooklyn and make a costume change. Fortunately my second destination was in Williamsburg, so I didn't have to go far once the costume change was complete. My friends however wanted to go dancing, and I was skeptical that we would find a place to go dancing in Williamsburg.

The three of us, Julie, Christine and myself, meet at our local pub, have a drink and head out. My friend Christine knows the uncle of the owner of this apparently swanky bar down on Grand Street. There might be dancing, there might not be. Tonight is an adventure, we shall find out.

Huckleberry Bar, cute, but a little hole in the wall from the outside. We walked right by it three times before realizing that was where we needed to be. After passing through a couple black curtains and allowing my eyes time to adjust to the light, the bar turns out to be quite cute and polished for a hole in the wall. Were it in Manhattan, it would be called a lounge and there would have been a cover. Thank God for Brooklyn.

The night progresses and we mostly sit contemplating the people in the bar, my friends and I tend to be quite judgemental from afar. Not a bad judgemental, but judgmental none the less.

Christine is off somewhere and Julie quite suddenly perks up. "Hottie to my 1 o'clock" she says.

I look up, and sure enough an adorable guy sits down at the bar. Julie and I assess the situation and determine whether we think he is there with someone or not. Already that night, we had a run in with a guy who was popping in on his way to meet someone else, so he said.

Christine gets back to the table and after hearing about this guy, decides we all need another drink and while shes there she might as well strike up a conversation. She does and we join shortly there after.

Actor

Shakespeare

Wine

Detectives

Trade Offs

Just some of the things that came up. Some how we leave the bar having traded Julie's Fedora for his Soul. Both items to be returned next Friday, at 2am...

Likely story, Julie will probably never see that hat again. We are ever reminded that no good idea is formed after 2am.

One Week Later...

We all decide to see where this little trade off was going to take us, well that and Julie really wanted her hat back. I meet up with them a little later because the little miss popular that I am has three places to be tonight before the retrieval of the hat.

This time we perch at one of the little lounge tables in the back, so we institute the dancing. There was more dancing this week and more people in general. There was however no sign of our mysterious man. I of course spoke too soon because as soon as I was asked that, I look to the bar and there he is. We make eye contact and I quickly look away, I didn't want him to think I was deliberately looking for him.

Mission is ensued though, I finish my drink and subtly make my way up to the bar to order another and have a little chat.

He forgot the hat of course, but we chat the rest of the evening and he swears to return it... eventually.

to be continued...

Saying goodbye, severing ties and just walking away is the hardest thing in the world to do. Sometimes it has to be done.

More Scraps

You never know when its going to happen, when you're going to find someone who completes your world, and you have no idea how its going to affect you. I like to think my world is complex. Really its simple: Get up, go to work, work out, go out. That's all my world consists of. Yet, in some way my world feels incomplete, like a part of me is missing. What, I don't know. My heart yearns though.

From the Scraps of Notes

Life just kind of happens and time escapes you. Before you know it 3 years have gone by and you're sitting in a rest stop on the Jersey Turnpike wondering when it all changed. When did everyone grow up? You just heard a song on the radio: "you're gonna miss this." You try to keep this in mind as you go through each day, yet it never really hits you until you're back reliving everything.

You went to two of your really good friends wedding this weekend. For them, all through college it was never a matter of will they get married, but rather everyone asked when. 3 years after you all graduate they finally tie the knot. They are the reason to still believe in fairy tales.

Auld Lang Syne

This classic new year's saying, Scottish in origin, means something similar to "long long ago," or "Long time since." I am intrigued by this translation as a year is but a year and by the end of it so much time seems to have passed, so many things accomplished and so many memories made. Time, time is a funny fickle thing.

As 2009 draws to a close, I am left with much to ponder.
1. where does the time go once it's gone?
2. what happened to everything I was going to do but didn't?

In all seriousness I don't spend too much time pondering these thoughts. I do think back on the year and through its many ups and downs, I feel it was a good year.

I will of course always wish for more time to do all those things I didn't have time to. I will always wonder about the chances I never took, about the guys I could have dated, about the moments I might have missed while doing other things. Should I have kissed more ass at work?

Then I stop thinking. Sure, things could have been done differently, but then where would I be? I might not be where I am today. Do I want it to be different? No, I am happy with where I am and the path I seem to be following.

Now here we are at the top of 2010. Another year behind us and only possibilities ahead. I don't know what this year will bring, or even where I will be at the end of today. What I do know is that in this new year, above all else, I want to make the most of my time so that when I look back, my long long ago seems full of life.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. - Unknown

How will you make use of your present?