29 December 2007
Beginnings and Endings
And thus 2007 comes to a close... What an interesting year it has been, full of changes and adventures. Thus I leave 2007 with a "when one door closes another one opens" mentality. May 2008 be filled with many more open doors.
18 December 2007
Reprise to Numbers
According to me, about 6 months ago, Numbers scared me. They do, and they have every right to.
Something has happened though, and Numbers, though they scare me are not quite as enigmatic as they once seemed. Last week when I was temping at this one company, I continuously managed to make calculations in my head (and not 2+2 or 6*7... large numbers).
Go Figure
Something has happened though, and Numbers, though they scare me are not quite as enigmatic as they once seemed. Last week when I was temping at this one company, I continuously managed to make calculations in my head (and not 2+2 or 6*7... large numbers).
Go Figure
02 December 2007
The Story Continues...
A close personal friend of the Princess came to her rescue and brought her home to the costal town where they grew up. Together they traveled through the draining Heartland, up into the mountainous Pennyville and down into the Valley of Duke. There they rested for the night and reminisced with friends from school, before finishing their journey to the coast.
They arrived home and with in three days the Princess was on the road again, this time she was on a mission. Armed with an old military duffel bag, a computer case and her purse she boarded a bus to the city of lights. She was traveling in disguise, though, in case the evil Witch caught on to her travels. The Witch was bitter enough to try and ruin the Princess’s plans.
When she arrived, her two brothers, Tec the third and the Masked Cavalier, intercepted her. They took her in, fed her after her long travels and helped her to her temporary home off of the Army Plaza. The Masked Cavalier did not approve of her accommodations, but a very generous friend of the Princess was letting her stay free of charge until she found more permanent accommodations. Despite the fierce sounding name, the Masked Cavalier was sometimes a baby (it fit being that he was the youngest of the three). The Princess thanked her brothers but bid them an early goodbye as she had a big day to prepare for. It would be the start of her new life, living her dreams and bringing stories to life.
The next day was certainly grand, but the Princess could not let on who she was, in fear that the evil Witch might some how be keeping tabs on her. She was in a new city with new people, who didn’t know her as the Princess, and so as she started her new career she would be known as Bella.
Bella arrived early to the crew meeting point, but people were already there. She played meek and slightly shy; it was easier that way as she tried to get her bearings straight, she was after all only a lowly Set P.A. A long time ago, she learned that it was better to admit you knew nothing so then when you actually knew more than everyone expected you too, you’d impress them. The first person she met was Flower, a fellow P.A. He was also quiet, more because that’s the way he is, the strong silent type who stands over in the corner smoking a cigarette instead of working. Unfortunately, he was no help to her because he knew little of what was going on.
She next approached a tall, slender guy with a short curly hair and a blue plaid shirt, “I’m Bella, is this where the Hooked In crew is meeting?”
“Yup, that’d be here,” He said with a slight Texan accent, “I’m Dusty, the 2nd Assistant Director.” Dusty directed her to a short Asian boy in all black, “That’s Jack, our 2nd 2nd… you’ll mostly be answerin’ to him.” Bella shook Jack’s hand eagerly as he made some comment about this going to be a great shoot. Then Dusty directed her to a guy in baseball cap and cargo shorts, sitting on the stairs. He looked tall but she couldn’t quite tell as he was staring down at a binder resting his arm on a box. “Phil,” the boy on the stairs looked up as he heard his name.
For an instant he and Bella made eye contact. He had the most amazing green eyes she had ever seen and she was struck. It took only a second for her to come back down to earth, though. She was here on business, she was here to live her dreams, and she was here to follow her heart. She was NOT here to fall in love, so instantly she resolved with herself not to let her attraction to this guy, affect her plans in any way. She was going to be completely professional, and so she was.
“Phil, this is Bella, our other Set P.A.” Dusty continued. “Bella, this is Phillip, he’s the 1st AD.”
They shook hands, “Nice to meet you,” Phillip said, “the whole A.D. team’s here now, I’m looking forward to an awesome shoot.”
“I’m excited too,” was all Bella could get out.
And so began the shoot that would be the introduction to her film career. The first day was a whirlwind, Jack immediately realized Bella caught on quickly and gave her more responsibility than the other P.A.s. He took her under his wing to teach her as much as he could, and she willingly accepted the experience. Bella learned the paperwork, the walkies, how to run things on set, how to lock up during takes, how to speak on the walkies, what kind of coffee everyone liked etc… Before long, no one was able to tell that it was her first day ever on the job.
When the basics were covered, Dusty pulled Bella off Jack’s assistance told her to shadow Phillip. As Dusty explained, it was the first day of shooting, they were in a fairly compact space, and Phillip was going to need extra help.
So Bella did; she followed Phillip around and tried to help or figure out how to help, but she seemed more in the way than anything else. Defeated, she went back to help Jack. It was soon apparent that her efforts had not gone unnoticed; Phillip had recognized her skill and initiative. Over the walkie, he would always ask her on set to help or to run errands when he needed something important done. She was turning into Phillip’s right hand man (rather woman).
The Evil Witch in the dying city had not given up her mission of destroying Bella or the Dancer though; she had hench-critters everywhere searching for them, always hoping they would turn up with something. To her satisfaction a small skunk came back with information one night. He had wandered on to set and saw Phillip giving Bella instructions. It was when Phillip was flustered by her that the skunk recognized Bella immediately as the Princess. With Bella located, the Witch could begin to work her evil plot again. She couldn’t have Bella succeeding in this new city, with a new job and a possible prince. No, that would never do, and with that the Witch sent rain to the city of lights, rains that sent the dying city in to a drought.
The next morning Bella walked out the door to torrential downpours and she had to run back in for her rain jacket. All would have been well except she was now running late and just hopped on the first train that happened to be at her station. This train was not the one she needed, but didn’t realize it until she was half way up the wrong side of town. She hopped off and immediately called Dusty to let him know that she was on her way. It was too late, all the trains had stopped and she was out of luck. Dusty told her to take the train from Town Center Station instead of the crew van. Bella quickly made it over to Town Center Station and met up with the Actors. These trains, too, stopped running because of the rain.
They were all stranded, but Bella took charge and kept Dusty informed as to the train situation. Bella had foiled the Witch’s plot to foil her. They all arrived on set and made their day. Both Jack and Dusty admitted to her it was sheer luck she missed the crew van, they needed someone responsible on the water logged side to keep things going.
Bella was a star, and Phillip was beginning to notice as well. The two often found themselves around each other, like one was being drawn to the other. The hench-critters again reported back to the Witch, and so she threw another curve ball at Bella.
A few days later, Dusty came up to Bella. “Bella, Jack’s not here today, do you think you can handle your job and his job?”
Jack had already showed her all the paperwork, so why not? Bella took on the job. It was a little shaky at first, but worked out in the end. When Jack didn’t come back the next day, or the next day, or the next day Bella was always there to fill in. Dusty had never had a better assistant and Phillip had never seen anyone catch on so quickly. The two of them were all set to give Bella an official promotion.
On that day, though, the Witch sent a little bee to sting Phillip. Already a hot and exhausting day, the sting sent him over the edge and when Bella made one small mistake Phillip publicly reprimanded her. In the crew’s eyes it was offensive and uncalled for. Flower was up in arms when Phillip was out of sight, but Bella kept her cool, told them not to worry and went back to work. The Witch thought it would fluster her enough to jinx her, but Bella knew better than that. It happens, sometimes you slip up, but you have to keep going. No more than ten minutes later Phillip realized what he had done, found Bella and apologized.
At that moment, it was too late. No matter the deal she made with herself, no matter that she was determined not to deviate from her mission in life; Bella had fallen, seamlessly, perfectly and without warning, for Phillip.
Their friendship blossomed with each little moment they shared. He called her to pick up the van from him one day, she comforted him after a rough night on set with a mishap of hers, he gave her high fives and made fun of himself for it, she always had coffee ready for him… And, every now and then she would draw him out of his world of film for a moment to get a glimpse of who he really was. Of course, the more she learned the harder she fell. She could never act on it, though, while he was her boss.
Then it happened, the moment he completely and totally fell for her in return. On one of the overnight shoots, Bella was all set to stop pedestrians from walking through the shot. It was, however, three in the morning and no one was on this particular street. They were taking forever to set up the shot, so Bella amused herself by stepping at cockroaches. She didn’t want to kill them, just get them to scurry away. Phillip looked over and saw her, he drifted away from set and loud enough for her to hear said “Nice lock-up.”
Bella looked up at him and blushed, they locked eyes, he smiled slightly and they both went back to work.
The cockroaches brought word of this back to the evil Witch. She was livid that Bella had it all. Then she began do something unexpected; she began to laugh for she realized that it could still be remedied. She would lay low for a while, help things along between the two and then strike when the moment was right.
Somehow Bella had broken through to Phillip, their random meetings on set were no longer consumed with talking about set or film but rather about the city, hopes, dreams, where Bella was planning on moving to (and Phillip being genuinely excited that it might be near him), quirky moments they both had, music and more. The more they each fell, the more everyone else could see it.
The funny thing about it was that neither Bella nor Phillip could see it, or maybe they refused to see as they were both so driven and focused.
On the night of the wrap party, Bella was overtaken by butterflies, the same butterflies that filled her just before she moved. They are the ones that are nervous but empowering all at the same time, that make you feel like anything is possible. She didn’t want whatever it was she and Phillip had to end. Bella didn’t care to what extent they remained connected, just as long as they were in some way in each other’s lives. She was more nervous going to this party than she had ever been before.
He wasn’t there when she arrived, and so she socialized with as many people as she could. When Phillip finally got there though, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. They were together most of the night just talking. For a moment when they weren’t together, someone else whisked her away to the dance floor, and Phillip’s heart sank. Bella was only interested in one person and made it blatantly clear to the mysterious dancer. Upon the end of the dance she walked over to Phillip and remained with him the rest of the night.
When the party ended they stayed out, like they were somehow holding onto those moments, like they were racing against time and fate. The night drew on and as she started talking about her past, he kissed her without warning. To steal the words of Ingrid Bergman, “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” Neither expected it and neither wanted it to end. He innocently asked her to come away with him; they both knew that wasn’t possible. She was starting a new job the next day and he was working as well. He said they’d see each other soon, and kissed her again before putting her in a cab home.
This played into the Witch’s plot all too easily; she sent a tiny mosquito to follow him home and bite him just as he fell asleep. It wasn’t an ordinary mosquito; she enchanted it to make Phillip forget all about Bella.
The Witch made sure the first week of Bella’s new job was extra tough: she had to learn all new paperwork, she didn’t know the city well enough to navigate, she was always running late, her boss said she didn’t take enough initiative and her friend said she needed to find a new place to stay. All that kept Bella going was the prospect of hearing Phillip’s voice on the other end of the phone at some point. She sent text messages, an e-mail and tried calling. To no avail, Phillip never responded.
Bella was left heart broken and jaded. She tried to stifle thoughts that she might indeed just be another pretty face to him; just someone he thought was easy. Then she remembered that he was starting another job as 1st AD, maybe he was just too busy to call her. And so she rode on this hope that he was still going to call, that maybe she hadn’t fallen for nothing.
Bella was never one to fall often, but when she fell for someone, she fell completely for them.
It would seem the Witch had succeeded. She knew Bella all too well, and once she falls it is not easily reversed. Even from the distance, as Bella suffered the Witch grew stronger and stronger.
They arrived home and with in three days the Princess was on the road again, this time she was on a mission. Armed with an old military duffel bag, a computer case and her purse she boarded a bus to the city of lights. She was traveling in disguise, though, in case the evil Witch caught on to her travels. The Witch was bitter enough to try and ruin the Princess’s plans.
When she arrived, her two brothers, Tec the third and the Masked Cavalier, intercepted her. They took her in, fed her after her long travels and helped her to her temporary home off of the Army Plaza. The Masked Cavalier did not approve of her accommodations, but a very generous friend of the Princess was letting her stay free of charge until she found more permanent accommodations. Despite the fierce sounding name, the Masked Cavalier was sometimes a baby (it fit being that he was the youngest of the three). The Princess thanked her brothers but bid them an early goodbye as she had a big day to prepare for. It would be the start of her new life, living her dreams and bringing stories to life.
The next day was certainly grand, but the Princess could not let on who she was, in fear that the evil Witch might some how be keeping tabs on her. She was in a new city with new people, who didn’t know her as the Princess, and so as she started her new career she would be known as Bella.
Bella arrived early to the crew meeting point, but people were already there. She played meek and slightly shy; it was easier that way as she tried to get her bearings straight, she was after all only a lowly Set P.A. A long time ago, she learned that it was better to admit you knew nothing so then when you actually knew more than everyone expected you too, you’d impress them. The first person she met was Flower, a fellow P.A. He was also quiet, more because that’s the way he is, the strong silent type who stands over in the corner smoking a cigarette instead of working. Unfortunately, he was no help to her because he knew little of what was going on.
She next approached a tall, slender guy with a short curly hair and a blue plaid shirt, “I’m Bella, is this where the Hooked In crew is meeting?”
“Yup, that’d be here,” He said with a slight Texan accent, “I’m Dusty, the 2nd Assistant Director.” Dusty directed her to a short Asian boy in all black, “That’s Jack, our 2nd 2nd… you’ll mostly be answerin’ to him.” Bella shook Jack’s hand eagerly as he made some comment about this going to be a great shoot. Then Dusty directed her to a guy in baseball cap and cargo shorts, sitting on the stairs. He looked tall but she couldn’t quite tell as he was staring down at a binder resting his arm on a box. “Phil,” the boy on the stairs looked up as he heard his name.
For an instant he and Bella made eye contact. He had the most amazing green eyes she had ever seen and she was struck. It took only a second for her to come back down to earth, though. She was here on business, she was here to live her dreams, and she was here to follow her heart. She was NOT here to fall in love, so instantly she resolved with herself not to let her attraction to this guy, affect her plans in any way. She was going to be completely professional, and so she was.
“Phil, this is Bella, our other Set P.A.” Dusty continued. “Bella, this is Phillip, he’s the 1st AD.”
They shook hands, “Nice to meet you,” Phillip said, “the whole A.D. team’s here now, I’m looking forward to an awesome shoot.”
“I’m excited too,” was all Bella could get out.
And so began the shoot that would be the introduction to her film career. The first day was a whirlwind, Jack immediately realized Bella caught on quickly and gave her more responsibility than the other P.A.s. He took her under his wing to teach her as much as he could, and she willingly accepted the experience. Bella learned the paperwork, the walkies, how to run things on set, how to lock up during takes, how to speak on the walkies, what kind of coffee everyone liked etc… Before long, no one was able to tell that it was her first day ever on the job.
When the basics were covered, Dusty pulled Bella off Jack’s assistance told her to shadow Phillip. As Dusty explained, it was the first day of shooting, they were in a fairly compact space, and Phillip was going to need extra help.
So Bella did; she followed Phillip around and tried to help or figure out how to help, but she seemed more in the way than anything else. Defeated, she went back to help Jack. It was soon apparent that her efforts had not gone unnoticed; Phillip had recognized her skill and initiative. Over the walkie, he would always ask her on set to help or to run errands when he needed something important done. She was turning into Phillip’s right hand man (rather woman).
The Evil Witch in the dying city had not given up her mission of destroying Bella or the Dancer though; she had hench-critters everywhere searching for them, always hoping they would turn up with something. To her satisfaction a small skunk came back with information one night. He had wandered on to set and saw Phillip giving Bella instructions. It was when Phillip was flustered by her that the skunk recognized Bella immediately as the Princess. With Bella located, the Witch could begin to work her evil plot again. She couldn’t have Bella succeeding in this new city, with a new job and a possible prince. No, that would never do, and with that the Witch sent rain to the city of lights, rains that sent the dying city in to a drought.
The next morning Bella walked out the door to torrential downpours and she had to run back in for her rain jacket. All would have been well except she was now running late and just hopped on the first train that happened to be at her station. This train was not the one she needed, but didn’t realize it until she was half way up the wrong side of town. She hopped off and immediately called Dusty to let him know that she was on her way. It was too late, all the trains had stopped and she was out of luck. Dusty told her to take the train from Town Center Station instead of the crew van. Bella quickly made it over to Town Center Station and met up with the Actors. These trains, too, stopped running because of the rain.
They were all stranded, but Bella took charge and kept Dusty informed as to the train situation. Bella had foiled the Witch’s plot to foil her. They all arrived on set and made their day. Both Jack and Dusty admitted to her it was sheer luck she missed the crew van, they needed someone responsible on the water logged side to keep things going.
Bella was a star, and Phillip was beginning to notice as well. The two often found themselves around each other, like one was being drawn to the other. The hench-critters again reported back to the Witch, and so she threw another curve ball at Bella.
A few days later, Dusty came up to Bella. “Bella, Jack’s not here today, do you think you can handle your job and his job?”
Jack had already showed her all the paperwork, so why not? Bella took on the job. It was a little shaky at first, but worked out in the end. When Jack didn’t come back the next day, or the next day, or the next day Bella was always there to fill in. Dusty had never had a better assistant and Phillip had never seen anyone catch on so quickly. The two of them were all set to give Bella an official promotion.
On that day, though, the Witch sent a little bee to sting Phillip. Already a hot and exhausting day, the sting sent him over the edge and when Bella made one small mistake Phillip publicly reprimanded her. In the crew’s eyes it was offensive and uncalled for. Flower was up in arms when Phillip was out of sight, but Bella kept her cool, told them not to worry and went back to work. The Witch thought it would fluster her enough to jinx her, but Bella knew better than that. It happens, sometimes you slip up, but you have to keep going. No more than ten minutes later Phillip realized what he had done, found Bella and apologized.
At that moment, it was too late. No matter the deal she made with herself, no matter that she was determined not to deviate from her mission in life; Bella had fallen, seamlessly, perfectly and without warning, for Phillip.
Their friendship blossomed with each little moment they shared. He called her to pick up the van from him one day, she comforted him after a rough night on set with a mishap of hers, he gave her high fives and made fun of himself for it, she always had coffee ready for him… And, every now and then she would draw him out of his world of film for a moment to get a glimpse of who he really was. Of course, the more she learned the harder she fell. She could never act on it, though, while he was her boss.
Then it happened, the moment he completely and totally fell for her in return. On one of the overnight shoots, Bella was all set to stop pedestrians from walking through the shot. It was, however, three in the morning and no one was on this particular street. They were taking forever to set up the shot, so Bella amused herself by stepping at cockroaches. She didn’t want to kill them, just get them to scurry away. Phillip looked over and saw her, he drifted away from set and loud enough for her to hear said “Nice lock-up.”
Bella looked up at him and blushed, they locked eyes, he smiled slightly and they both went back to work.
The cockroaches brought word of this back to the evil Witch. She was livid that Bella had it all. Then she began do something unexpected; she began to laugh for she realized that it could still be remedied. She would lay low for a while, help things along between the two and then strike when the moment was right.
Somehow Bella had broken through to Phillip, their random meetings on set were no longer consumed with talking about set or film but rather about the city, hopes, dreams, where Bella was planning on moving to (and Phillip being genuinely excited that it might be near him), quirky moments they both had, music and more. The more they each fell, the more everyone else could see it.
The funny thing about it was that neither Bella nor Phillip could see it, or maybe they refused to see as they were both so driven and focused.
On the night of the wrap party, Bella was overtaken by butterflies, the same butterflies that filled her just before she moved. They are the ones that are nervous but empowering all at the same time, that make you feel like anything is possible. She didn’t want whatever it was she and Phillip had to end. Bella didn’t care to what extent they remained connected, just as long as they were in some way in each other’s lives. She was more nervous going to this party than she had ever been before.
He wasn’t there when she arrived, and so she socialized with as many people as she could. When Phillip finally got there though, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. They were together most of the night just talking. For a moment when they weren’t together, someone else whisked her away to the dance floor, and Phillip’s heart sank. Bella was only interested in one person and made it blatantly clear to the mysterious dancer. Upon the end of the dance she walked over to Phillip and remained with him the rest of the night.
When the party ended they stayed out, like they were somehow holding onto those moments, like they were racing against time and fate. The night drew on and as she started talking about her past, he kissed her without warning. To steal the words of Ingrid Bergman, “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” Neither expected it and neither wanted it to end. He innocently asked her to come away with him; they both knew that wasn’t possible. She was starting a new job the next day and he was working as well. He said they’d see each other soon, and kissed her again before putting her in a cab home.
This played into the Witch’s plot all too easily; she sent a tiny mosquito to follow him home and bite him just as he fell asleep. It wasn’t an ordinary mosquito; she enchanted it to make Phillip forget all about Bella.
The Witch made sure the first week of Bella’s new job was extra tough: she had to learn all new paperwork, she didn’t know the city well enough to navigate, she was always running late, her boss said she didn’t take enough initiative and her friend said she needed to find a new place to stay. All that kept Bella going was the prospect of hearing Phillip’s voice on the other end of the phone at some point. She sent text messages, an e-mail and tried calling. To no avail, Phillip never responded.
Bella was left heart broken and jaded. She tried to stifle thoughts that she might indeed just be another pretty face to him; just someone he thought was easy. Then she remembered that he was starting another job as 1st AD, maybe he was just too busy to call her. And so she rode on this hope that he was still going to call, that maybe she hadn’t fallen for nothing.
Bella was never one to fall often, but when she fell for someone, she fell completely for them.
It would seem the Witch had succeeded. She knew Bella all too well, and once she falls it is not easily reversed. Even from the distance, as Bella suffered the Witch grew stronger and stronger.
Once upon a time...
Today, boys and girls, I am going to tell you a story, rather part of a story. It all started a long, long time ago, back in August of 2007. There was this Princess, or at least that's what everyone called her. Her mother, her father, her brothers, and even her coworkers referred to her as Princess. Who could blame them though, with her charisma, drive, ability to dream big but live practically, efficiency, and ultimately her cuteness. She brought new meaning to the word Princess.
Now, prior to August of 2007 this Princess lived and worked in a dying city. It was her choice to go there, to try and change the world through Art and Entertainment. She lived in the smallest room of a turn of the century house with two other women, a Beautiful Dancer turned teacher and an Old Hag turned social worker, also looking to change the world. To add character to her living situation, her room was the former servant's quarters and had no heat, and one of her roommates was an evil witch driven to make the Princess and the Beautiful Dancer suffer through her own pain and agony. It was a regular Cinderella story.
As much as the Princess loved her work at the Theatre, bringing joy through art to low income areas while bringing to light social issues of the community, both she and the Beautiful Dancer knew that they had to escape this peril and ultimately follow their dreams. For, no matter how hard they tried, at this point in their lives they were incapable of reviving the dying city. They needed life experience first. So, come August, the two quietly packed their things up and secretly escaped the prison that had become their house.
The two, through all the pain they suffered, would remain close; after all, when you go through hell with someone, you will always love them for the support they gave and they will love you the same in return. They bid farewell and parted ways, the Beautiful Dancer to follow heart's desire being a doctor, and the Princess to live her dreams making movies in the city of lights.
Thus is the end of one story, but only the beginning of something much, much more grand...
Now, prior to August of 2007 this Princess lived and worked in a dying city. It was her choice to go there, to try and change the world through Art and Entertainment. She lived in the smallest room of a turn of the century house with two other women, a Beautiful Dancer turned teacher and an Old Hag turned social worker, also looking to change the world. To add character to her living situation, her room was the former servant's quarters and had no heat, and one of her roommates was an evil witch driven to make the Princess and the Beautiful Dancer suffer through her own pain and agony. It was a regular Cinderella story.
As much as the Princess loved her work at the Theatre, bringing joy through art to low income areas while bringing to light social issues of the community, both she and the Beautiful Dancer knew that they had to escape this peril and ultimately follow their dreams. For, no matter how hard they tried, at this point in their lives they were incapable of reviving the dying city. They needed life experience first. So, come August, the two quietly packed their things up and secretly escaped the prison that had become their house.
The two, through all the pain they suffered, would remain close; after all, when you go through hell with someone, you will always love them for the support they gave and they will love you the same in return. They bid farewell and parted ways, the Beautiful Dancer to follow heart's desire being a doctor, and the Princess to live her dreams making movies in the city of lights.
Thus is the end of one story, but only the beginning of something much, much more grand...
30 November 2007
Settling on life...
Don't take offers you really don't want. I have applied for at least 50 jobs (at least) this week alone. Some of them I was excited about, but many I could care less about. I had 4 job interviews from things I applied for last week. None of them I was interested in. One even asked me, "why did you apply for this when you talk like you want something else?"
The simple answer to her question is that I didn't know that it wasn't what I wanted.
When you know what you want, when you finally have a clear vision of what you want, why should you settle for something less than that? If you do you will only get stuck in some downward spiral on a roller coaster taking you away from where you want to be.
Same thing goes for relationships. If you have a clear vision of what you want in someone else, search until you find that person. Don't settle for the one who is right there, just because he is right there. At least, I could never do that.
You should hold out for what you want, because inevitably there is something out there that is exactly what you want and looking for exactly you... be it job, or relationship.
The simple answer to her question is that I didn't know that it wasn't what I wanted.
When you know what you want, when you finally have a clear vision of what you want, why should you settle for something less than that? If you do you will only get stuck in some downward spiral on a roller coaster taking you away from where you want to be.
Same thing goes for relationships. If you have a clear vision of what you want in someone else, search until you find that person. Don't settle for the one who is right there, just because he is right there. At least, I could never do that.
You should hold out for what you want, because inevitably there is something out there that is exactly what you want and looking for exactly you... be it job, or relationship.
27 November 2007
Mouse Attack
Sunday night I go over to Tom and Amy's place since Lauren (who is house/puppy sitting) has been having a difficult time with Cooper. Its cool... Lauren is a cool girl and I miss Cooper, so I go over to keep them company.
Lauren and I catch up, she debriefs me on whats been going on. Apparently she has already had to deal with Cooper being sick and out of his element, and mice attacks. We decide that sushi and wine are a perfect remedy for this. We order the sushi and go in quest for wine. Once we have accomplished our goals, we head home and dig in.
We get half way through our dinner and Lucy (the cat) walks out of the kitchen with something hanging out of her mouth. EEEEK!!! Its a mouse tail... Lauren runs to get the broom and dustpan, and we yell at Lucy to drop it. She does... and its still alive. The mouse scurries around the floor and we both jump on to furniture. Some mouse catchers we are.
The mouse runs behind the chair and we try and scare it out, but apparently its good at hiding. We forget about it temporarily and just drink more wine. Then the mouse decides to come out and play again. This is no good: two drunk girls, a mouse on the loose, a sick dog and a cat cowering under a bench. Stupid cat. Lauren yells "Maura, if I have to stay here with the mouse, youre staying with me."
So we both eventually turn in after we are satisfied that the mouse is well hidden until morning...
Lauren and I catch up, she debriefs me on whats been going on. Apparently she has already had to deal with Cooper being sick and out of his element, and mice attacks. We decide that sushi and wine are a perfect remedy for this. We order the sushi and go in quest for wine. Once we have accomplished our goals, we head home and dig in.
We get half way through our dinner and Lucy (the cat) walks out of the kitchen with something hanging out of her mouth. EEEEK!!! Its a mouse tail... Lauren runs to get the broom and dustpan, and we yell at Lucy to drop it. She does... and its still alive. The mouse scurries around the floor and we both jump on to furniture. Some mouse catchers we are.
The mouse runs behind the chair and we try and scare it out, but apparently its good at hiding. We forget about it temporarily and just drink more wine. Then the mouse decides to come out and play again. This is no good: two drunk girls, a mouse on the loose, a sick dog and a cat cowering under a bench. Stupid cat. Lauren yells "Maura, if I have to stay here with the mouse, youre staying with me."
So we both eventually turn in after we are satisfied that the mouse is well hidden until morning...
22 November 2007
Life as We Know It
The longer I work in film (well the dramatic arts, since worked in theatre first), the more I realize the stories I help bring to life are less fiction than I was originally taught. Sure, the stories are all made up, but the situations are more realistic than we could ever imagine them to be. It would seem that film is life with all the boring parts cut out.
Take any day of my life, cut out the nonsense boring moments of sitting around doing nothing or playing on the Internet, compress all the interesting moments from several days or weeks, add a nice little twist to spice things up a bit, and voila you have yourself a movie.
Of course its not that simple. Good screen plays take careful planning, crafting, working and reworking to make it what one would consider quality. Complicated matter scripting is.
Then again, life is complicated. We spend half our time planning how we want things to end up, and the rest of the time cleaning up messes when things don't go our way... which they never do. Life sneaks up on you and it would seem that the best movies reflect those moments where life takes you by surprise... in any shape or form... with any outcome, good or bad... in any situation or time...
Film is life with all the boring moments cut out...
Take any day of my life, cut out the nonsense boring moments of sitting around doing nothing or playing on the Internet, compress all the interesting moments from several days or weeks, add a nice little twist to spice things up a bit, and voila you have yourself a movie.
Of course its not that simple. Good screen plays take careful planning, crafting, working and reworking to make it what one would consider quality. Complicated matter scripting is.
Then again, life is complicated. We spend half our time planning how we want things to end up, and the rest of the time cleaning up messes when things don't go our way... which they never do. Life sneaks up on you and it would seem that the best movies reflect those moments where life takes you by surprise... in any shape or form... with any outcome, good or bad... in any situation or time...
Film is life with all the boring moments cut out...
09 November 2007
A Continuing Adventure
So I have been in the city now 3 months, though it seems like so much longer. Time really begins to escape you here. Half the time I dont even know what day of the week it is. That, though, is a hazard of my industry. When you're working 5-6 days a week, super long hour and not really on a consistent sleep schedule, its easy for time to get away.
Life is a grand adventure though, and I wouldn't change it for the world. The time has come for me to really think through things a little here. As much as I love being able to go back and forth between costumes and production I feel like there comes a time when I need to pick some sort of direction and use the other path as a fall back and or break from day to day work.
I love costuming, its is amazing, fun, I have a talent for it and with the right people it is an amazing environment. The only problem is that its only one focus. I really like to be able to play in different areas an have a broader idea of what is going on.
This is why I am even considering production end. Production has to know what is going on in all different departments, not to mention the amount of creative problem solving that has to be done in order to make things happen. Its an ADD kids dream job.
Which path do I want... I guess I have to think more on this one.
Life is a grand adventure though, and I wouldn't change it for the world. The time has come for me to really think through things a little here. As much as I love being able to go back and forth between costumes and production I feel like there comes a time when I need to pick some sort of direction and use the other path as a fall back and or break from day to day work.
I love costuming, its is amazing, fun, I have a talent for it and with the right people it is an amazing environment. The only problem is that its only one focus. I really like to be able to play in different areas an have a broader idea of what is going on.
This is why I am even considering production end. Production has to know what is going on in all different departments, not to mention the amount of creative problem solving that has to be done in order to make things happen. Its an ADD kids dream job.
Which path do I want... I guess I have to think more on this one.
17 October 2007
The Glamoous Life
The glamorous life... Film, entertainment, television. How many times have I been told "You're so lucky, you work in film," or "I'd be happy to work Sundays if I worked on a film set."
I reply every time with the same thing that was said to me when I first started looking into film and television as a career: "It's not as glamorous as it may seem."
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. I love being on a film set. I love being in a Production office. I love dressing actors. I love making the impossible possible. I love making magic happen. This is my perception on my job though. Very few look at it in such an idealistic and fantastical light. I suppose if everyone heard how I talk about it they might think its glamorous...
In any case, if you find yourself longing to do some fantastical career, then maybe you're in the wrong profession. Your career should be about finding what makes you happy and finding a job that allows you to do it. I have changed my mind a thousand times at least, and probably will again; the difference between me and the rest of the world is that I chase the dreams I have. I was never the type to sit back while idly dreaming about working in film. I am the type that decides she wants to do something and then does it.
I talked to a guy in a bar on Friday night who's a lawyer. I sincerely wanted to hear more about what he did, because its Law and I wanted to be a lawyer for a brief moment in time. And he tells me its not that interesting and speaks nothing more about it. Followed later in the night by commenting on how he'd gladly work weekends if he was on a film set.
Maybe hes not happy and maybe hes just exasperated.... I donno. I do know though that where I may bitch about what I do, I still love it and I will still entertain conversation about it.
Trust me, when it comes down to it, my world is not all about Hollywood parties, meeting actors, and living a glittered shiny life 24/7. No, my life is anything but. I often get no sleep, and not for partying... for working. I work long hours for little pay. I do a lot of physical labor. I often get no thanks for anything I do.
All in all I love what I do, and I wouldn't change it for the world
I reply every time with the same thing that was said to me when I first started looking into film and television as a career: "It's not as glamorous as it may seem."
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. I love being on a film set. I love being in a Production office. I love dressing actors. I love making the impossible possible. I love making magic happen. This is my perception on my job though. Very few look at it in such an idealistic and fantastical light. I suppose if everyone heard how I talk about it they might think its glamorous...
In any case, if you find yourself longing to do some fantastical career, then maybe you're in the wrong profession. Your career should be about finding what makes you happy and finding a job that allows you to do it. I have changed my mind a thousand times at least, and probably will again; the difference between me and the rest of the world is that I chase the dreams I have. I was never the type to sit back while idly dreaming about working in film. I am the type that decides she wants to do something and then does it.
I talked to a guy in a bar on Friday night who's a lawyer. I sincerely wanted to hear more about what he did, because its Law and I wanted to be a lawyer for a brief moment in time. And he tells me its not that interesting and speaks nothing more about it. Followed later in the night by commenting on how he'd gladly work weekends if he was on a film set.
Maybe hes not happy and maybe hes just exasperated.... I donno. I do know though that where I may bitch about what I do, I still love it and I will still entertain conversation about it.
Trust me, when it comes down to it, my world is not all about Hollywood parties, meeting actors, and living a glittered shiny life 24/7. No, my life is anything but. I often get no sleep, and not for partying... for working. I work long hours for little pay. I do a lot of physical labor. I often get no thanks for anything I do.
All in all I love what I do, and I wouldn't change it for the world
12 October 2007
Connections
Everything, it seems, is about connections. If you don't make the right connections at the right times your whole universe is thrown off. You make a wrong one and it throws you off track. And, sometimes the connection time is so slim that if you're not careful you might miss them.
You could try forget that connections impact your world, just don't worry about them. Ultimately it doesn't work, whether we admit it or not our lives depend on these connections.
Buses, trains, work, networking, movies, dinner, love... its all about timing, its all about making those connections.
I spend much of my time trying my best to sort out the connections that don't quite work out... trying to make sense of them. The ones that have just worked, they have changed my life forever.
As for everything else, you just gotta learn from it and know that at some point it will all make sense.
You could try forget that connections impact your world, just don't worry about them. Ultimately it doesn't work, whether we admit it or not our lives depend on these connections.
Buses, trains, work, networking, movies, dinner, love... its all about timing, its all about making those connections.
I spend much of my time trying my best to sort out the connections that don't quite work out... trying to make sense of them. The ones that have just worked, they have changed my life forever.
As for everything else, you just gotta learn from it and know that at some point it will all make sense.
19 September 2007
Frogs and Dogs
As much as I hate to complain about guys and men in general, since so many of my friends are male, I have to express my current frustration with the male population... and yes, I choose to do so publicly where the whole world can read it if they wanted. Oh the power of blogs... believe me now, you have some power too... you don't have to read this.
In a city such as New York, there has to be a decent guy right? At least one out there that is capable of dating for even a short time. Alas, I seem to be wrong, or perhaps I just run into the wrong characters. For example:
There are of course others, but these are the ones that stick out in my head. Don't get me wrong, I am always nice to these guys... though I occasionally start a slight argument because I don't back down on my opinions. I mean maybe they are all really nice... I will give them the benefit of the doubt. Their pick-up execution, however, is all wrong though. Where do they come up with this stuff? The decent ones all seem to have girl friends or are gay, though these are the ones who make the best and most genuine friends. These are the ones who should have girl friends.
Every once in a while you will find an awesome guy, who you yourself may have initially tried not to let yourself fall for. As you get to know him though, you forget about trying not to let yourself fall and just enjoy the time you're with him as you find him interesting and fun. It's so natural that you don't even realize when you begin to flirt with him, or when he flirts back. It eventually gets to a point where, despite poor timing, you want to see where things go because you're into each other. And of course, the bad timing goes both ways. Perhaps you missed this small window of opportunity... or perhaps the window is still opening and you're just trying to force it open.
Moral of the story: Be patient and look for opening doors or windows that might lead you to the right person, and until you find that right person have fun with the interesting characters you meet along the way. So you're going to have to kiss a lot of frogs, and encounter a lot of dogs, but eventually you will meet Prince Charming or some variation there in that works for your story.
In a city such as New York, there has to be a decent guy right? At least one out there that is capable of dating for even a short time. Alas, I seem to be wrong, or perhaps I just run into the wrong characters. For example:
- Creepy train guy: He is the guy who merely looks you up and down on the train, not trying to be discrete or sly about it... he just looks you up and down as if you're a piece of meat. Quite often he is alone, but in the event that he is with one or two other people the creepiness is only intensified.
- Not so Creepy train guy: He is the one who when the train is relatively empty can sense that said female is either upset or simply disheveled. He strikes up a conversation trying to impress you, showing you that he is the sensitive guy who cares that your day is a little off. He is also the one who clams up and doesn't know what to do when you can actually talk back, more intelligently about the subject he is trying to impress you with.
- Men walking on the street: They are the ones who while you're walking to or from work say things like, "Oh, beautiful eyes, come with me, let me take you out," or "Hey pretty lady, I can show you a good time." I have no words for these men... they are not even worth the breath.
- Men in Cars: The ones who whistle or blow you kisses from their big old broken down van or truck. Can I just ask what kind of response they are expecting? I DON'T want to be cat called at when I am working, let alone be kissed at. It makes me feel like a spectacle.
- Older Men: This guy is in the "at least 20 years older than you" category. You come across him in a work situation usually. He is the one who will say things to your face that are very flattering and complimentary, but when you turn around and he's left with his guys says things like "I wish I could take a bite out of that." 1. I am sure younger guys comment like that too, but its worse coming from older men, and 2. If you're going to say things like that do it when I am not in ear shot.
- Networking: He is the one who, whilst you are merely trying to branch out and network as a newbie to your industry, tries to impress you by inviting you to parties that he can't actually get you into. He over shares, is sketchy, proud of the fact that he is macking on a girl about 20 years younger, and expects you to pay for everything while he whispers sweet nothings in your ear...
- Bar guy-sports: He is the one who will over hear you talking sports and decide that it is his job to correct your opinion while flirting with you. He finds out that your team is his teams opponent and he points out "you know they lost, right?" then proceeds to try to flirt a little more, and repeats it... and repeats this situation, until you want to kill him. I don't care whether my team lost or not, its still my team... personal opinion (emphasis on personal)
- Bar Idiot: This one is the gem, the cream of the crop for he initially seems to be decent. Not bad looking, interesting to talk to, nice enough. Then as he drinks a little more, he gets oafish, idiotic and rude. Points out to his friends (out of your group of friends) that you are the one he likes... like hes calling dibs on you, loud enough for you to hear... he says "I want to take you out." To which one kindly responds with "call me when you're sober, then we will talk." But see that consideration of giving him a chance when he's sober is completely eradicated when he does something stupid, for example: accidentally spill his drink on your foot once, and proceed to do so again two more times purposely, while maintaining that you're mean and he wants to take you out.
There are of course others, but these are the ones that stick out in my head. Don't get me wrong, I am always nice to these guys... though I occasionally start a slight argument because I don't back down on my opinions. I mean maybe they are all really nice... I will give them the benefit of the doubt. Their pick-up execution, however, is all wrong though. Where do they come up with this stuff? The decent ones all seem to have girl friends or are gay, though these are the ones who make the best and most genuine friends. These are the ones who should have girl friends.
Every once in a while you will find an awesome guy, who you yourself may have initially tried not to let yourself fall for. As you get to know him though, you forget about trying not to let yourself fall and just enjoy the time you're with him as you find him interesting and fun. It's so natural that you don't even realize when you begin to flirt with him, or when he flirts back. It eventually gets to a point where, despite poor timing, you want to see where things go because you're into each other. And of course, the bad timing goes both ways. Perhaps you missed this small window of opportunity... or perhaps the window is still opening and you're just trying to force it open.
Moral of the story: Be patient and look for opening doors or windows that might lead you to the right person, and until you find that right person have fun with the interesting characters you meet along the way. So you're going to have to kiss a lot of frogs, and encounter a lot of dogs, but eventually you will meet Prince Charming or some variation there in that works for your story.
09 September 2007
Be Careful What You Wish For...
Because you just might get it all.
Little did I know on August 5th when I boarded the bus to move up to NYC for the duration of the independent horror film that life would take such a turn. Now, 6 weeks later I have my own place and the promise of continual work here in the city.
I make mention of be careful what you wish for; as a child at heart and a dreamer, I take wishing very seriously. I make wishes every chance I get: birthdays, first time in a new church, shooting star, first star of the evening, eye lashes on the cheek, etc. You name it, I've wished upon it. Wishing helps keep faith alive.
That is not to say I leave it all up to fate, or the cosmos, or the great beyond to make it happen. Wishes get the ball rolling, but once its rolling its up to you to take care of it, foster it and make it a reality. Wishes turn into dreams and dreams eventually reality. That moment when you recognize that your dreams are no longer dreams but are becoming the life you lead and the path you are following is one of the most amazing feelings.
Some time between hopping on the bus with one suitcase, a computer case and a purse, and moving into my own apartment, that moment occurred for me. I can't explain it, but you know it when you feel it. Surely its not something you feel everyday, or may ever feel; but if you take the chance and give into your heart's desire, it will follow there after.
Little did I know on August 5th when I boarded the bus to move up to NYC for the duration of the independent horror film that life would take such a turn. Now, 6 weeks later I have my own place and the promise of continual work here in the city.
I make mention of be careful what you wish for; as a child at heart and a dreamer, I take wishing very seriously. I make wishes every chance I get: birthdays, first time in a new church, shooting star, first star of the evening, eye lashes on the cheek, etc. You name it, I've wished upon it. Wishing helps keep faith alive.
That is not to say I leave it all up to fate, or the cosmos, or the great beyond to make it happen. Wishes get the ball rolling, but once its rolling its up to you to take care of it, foster it and make it a reality. Wishes turn into dreams and dreams eventually reality. That moment when you recognize that your dreams are no longer dreams but are becoming the life you lead and the path you are following is one of the most amazing feelings.
Some time between hopping on the bus with one suitcase, a computer case and a purse, and moving into my own apartment, that moment occurred for me. I can't explain it, but you know it when you feel it. Surely its not something you feel everyday, or may ever feel; but if you take the chance and give into your heart's desire, it will follow there after.
31 August 2007
Alas, August Draws to a Close
As August draws to a close many thoughts cross my mind. The most mind boggling one of all is that I was leaving Detroit exactly one month ago. I left with only a temporary plan to work on an independent horror film and see where to go next.
Now, August 31 rolls around and I have an apartment, other projects to work on, friends in the city, places to go, people to see, and a guy I am completely into that I wish would call back. I am probably being far to honest with regards to the guy, but to my knowledge he doesn't have my blog and thus can not read this.
How crazy are these turns of events? It blows my mind away to think of this past month, everything I have learned, everything I have been though, and everything I have done. It takes an extremely strong person to take NYC head on, on a whim none the less. I had never thought of my self as that strong of a person, yet here I am still standing here today in NYC.
Life is insane at times, all the time. Its funny and sadistic and amazing when you stop using your head and just follow your heart... mostly amazing. I don't think I have ever worked so hard in my life as I have these past 4 weeks, I don't think I have ever had a better experience.
My mentality since moving to NY is just go with the flow, or roll with the punches. I have taken every chance I have been given ad I have run with it. Some of them I have succeeded in, some of them I have failed in. I have not let any of them just drift away. If you want something enough and do everything in your power to get it, you will achieve it... I firmly believe it.
The only exception to that rule is when dealing with regards to others. You might want someone enough, to be with someone enough and do everything in your power to win that person over. In the end though, if they still don't want you back, you cant force them into wanting you. That is when you must simply surrender to fate and admit that it wasn't meant to be.
I will just keep my eyes, heart and options open to the wind, so that when life decides to throw me a curve ball or a lemon, I will be ready for it.
Now, August 31 rolls around and I have an apartment, other projects to work on, friends in the city, places to go, people to see, and a guy I am completely into that I wish would call back. I am probably being far to honest with regards to the guy, but to my knowledge he doesn't have my blog and thus can not read this.
How crazy are these turns of events? It blows my mind away to think of this past month, everything I have learned, everything I have been though, and everything I have done. It takes an extremely strong person to take NYC head on, on a whim none the less. I had never thought of my self as that strong of a person, yet here I am still standing here today in NYC.
Life is insane at times, all the time. Its funny and sadistic and amazing when you stop using your head and just follow your heart... mostly amazing. I don't think I have ever worked so hard in my life as I have these past 4 weeks, I don't think I have ever had a better experience.
My mentality since moving to NY is just go with the flow, or roll with the punches. I have taken every chance I have been given ad I have run with it. Some of them I have succeeded in, some of them I have failed in. I have not let any of them just drift away. If you want something enough and do everything in your power to get it, you will achieve it... I firmly believe it.
The only exception to that rule is when dealing with regards to others. You might want someone enough, to be with someone enough and do everything in your power to win that person over. In the end though, if they still don't want you back, you cant force them into wanting you. That is when you must simply surrender to fate and admit that it wasn't meant to be.
I will just keep my eyes, heart and options open to the wind, so that when life decides to throw me a curve ball or a lemon, I will be ready for it.
25 August 2007
The Dog Days of Summer
Walking down the street on a hot muggy evening, people sitting outside playing cards on make shift tables, little girls doing double dutch at a birthday party, residents sitting on the front stoop of thier buildings. What a wonderful summer scene.
It was one of those evenings that just felt right, like everything in the world was perfect and in place as it should be.
15 August 2007
The Eyes Have It
I have been in NYC a week now and it baffles me the way no one makes eye contact here.
On the subway in the morning, people look down or read or zone out with their music. No one looks around, talks to anyone. No one even attempts to make eye contact.
On the streets, instead of looking where they are going, people look down. It is as if they are looking down to try and avoid that thought of making eye contact with some stranger on the street.
In conversation, we almost always look away as often as we can.
There exists the thought of the eyes being the window to the soul, thus making eye contact with others would be allowing them a glimpse of your soul. For many I am sure its a terrifying thing. I know I would not want everyone and their mother to have all access to the deepest realm of my being. That makes me vulnerable, that makes us vulnerable. And in a society where we are taught to not let ourselves be vulnerable, it makes every bit of sense to be afraid of eye contact.
What's so wrong with being vulnerable, though? Yes, it shows that we are not invincible, that we do not have all the answers, that we are not as powerful or as confident as we come across, that we do not always act in the ways we really want to act, that we regret, that we feel, that we are not made of stone. Is it wrong to let others see this in us?
For a long time I avoided eye contact because I didn't want the world to see how much I hurt on the inside. That was the loneliest time of my life. Once I got past that stage, once I decided to let people in, I started making eye contact again. I can't say I always want people to see the "softer" side of Maura, but I have learned it is far better to let others in than to close yourself off.
It seems to initially catch people off guard, when you talk directly to them looking them straight in the eyes as you talk small talk. Fluster them, cause them to lose their thoughts. In the long run though conversations and relationships move to a different level when you make eye contact, it brings that honesty and vulnerability to the table and gives you the opportunity to meet someone beyond the surface level.
In general, I think we as a culture need to let our guard down a little. How can you ever experience life when you've built up all these protective walls to keep possible hurt out?
On the subway in the morning, people look down or read or zone out with their music. No one looks around, talks to anyone. No one even attempts to make eye contact.
On the streets, instead of looking where they are going, people look down. It is as if they are looking down to try and avoid that thought of making eye contact with some stranger on the street.
In conversation, we almost always look away as often as we can.
There exists the thought of the eyes being the window to the soul, thus making eye contact with others would be allowing them a glimpse of your soul. For many I am sure its a terrifying thing. I know I would not want everyone and their mother to have all access to the deepest realm of my being. That makes me vulnerable, that makes us vulnerable. And in a society where we are taught to not let ourselves be vulnerable, it makes every bit of sense to be afraid of eye contact.
What's so wrong with being vulnerable, though? Yes, it shows that we are not invincible, that we do not have all the answers, that we are not as powerful or as confident as we come across, that we do not always act in the ways we really want to act, that we regret, that we feel, that we are not made of stone. Is it wrong to let others see this in us?
For a long time I avoided eye contact because I didn't want the world to see how much I hurt on the inside. That was the loneliest time of my life. Once I got past that stage, once I decided to let people in, I started making eye contact again. I can't say I always want people to see the "softer" side of Maura, but I have learned it is far better to let others in than to close yourself off.
It seems to initially catch people off guard, when you talk directly to them looking them straight in the eyes as you talk small talk. Fluster them, cause them to lose their thoughts. In the long run though conversations and relationships move to a different level when you make eye contact, it brings that honesty and vulnerability to the table and gives you the opportunity to meet someone beyond the surface level.
In general, I think we as a culture need to let our guard down a little. How can you ever experience life when you've built up all these protective walls to keep possible hurt out?
13 August 2007
Another Year Gone By...
Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me! Moving to NYC has been the best Birthday present I have ever given myself. I keep thinking about that song from Oliver & Company (yes i referenced a Disney... sue me) "Keep your dreams alive, dreaming is still how the strong survive. Once upon a time in New York City." I am chasing a dream, right here and right now.
The month surrounding my birthday generally seems to be a time of transition for me, rather a turning point. The joys of having an August birthday I suppose. August 1st I left Detroit and by August 5th I was in NYC. Truth be told, I can feel that this is the greatest decision I have made in my life to this date. I am not foolish to think that everything is going to start happening just because I moved to New York. But, the many doors that have now been opened or at least cracked a little will eventually get me to where I need to be. Things are starting to happen, life is starting to unfold and I am making it happen.
I took a leap of faith and blindly listened to my heart. I have never been happier, and actually Chrissy told me a few days ago that the last time she saw me this happy was my senior year of high school when I made the lead in "Up the Down Staircase." That was a while ago. Can I just say its good to be back.
Who ever I was a year ago is now gone, I am more focused, driven and happy than I ever remember being before. I love the feeling, who I am and where I am headed.
This year will be a good year...
The month surrounding my birthday generally seems to be a time of transition for me, rather a turning point. The joys of having an August birthday I suppose. August 1st I left Detroit and by August 5th I was in NYC. Truth be told, I can feel that this is the greatest decision I have made in my life to this date. I am not foolish to think that everything is going to start happening just because I moved to New York. But, the many doors that have now been opened or at least cracked a little will eventually get me to where I need to be. Things are starting to happen, life is starting to unfold and I am making it happen.
I took a leap of faith and blindly listened to my heart. I have never been happier, and actually Chrissy told me a few days ago that the last time she saw me this happy was my senior year of high school when I made the lead in "Up the Down Staircase." That was a while ago. Can I just say its good to be back.
Who ever I was a year ago is now gone, I am more focused, driven and happy than I ever remember being before. I love the feeling, who I am and where I am headed.
This year will be a good year...
12 August 2007
Adventures of a Crazy Dreamer in NYC
Here are brief clips of the shoot so far... sorry no details of the film, just the fun stuff that I get to experience
Monday:
I played the quiet card, trying to get a feel of the shoot and what was going on. I did whatever I was asked, no questions, and just saw where everything was headed. I work best this way, not to mention that there is a certain intimidation factor (I am realizing) in this because it makes everyone think I know what I am doing. I am not quiet, nor do I like to take orders from others, but I realize that you have to do this sometimes. No one knows everything all the time, or ever. Its when we can admit that we know nothing about what we are doing, that we can learn the most. Its when we can give in to our innate desire to do what we want to do, that things start falling into place.
Tuesday I would be ready.
Tuesday:
I was able to do more today with out being asked and with out hesitation. I was chatty with my fellow crew as with the actors. It was incredibly, incredibly hot that day and so the usual collective smell we all have was increased ten fold. I am sure you want to hear about said collective funk, so I wont continue with it. One thing that stuck out to me today was the sound guy. When we were sitting outside taking a break at some point, he said that what he loved most about the industry is that he wires all the actors up and then can hear whats going on off set as well (because everyone forgets he has them wired). Basically he knows everything going on on set.
This came up again later when people weren't quite getting whats going on in a scene, and so he reiterated the directors words with his own twist. The AD then said "I love how he hears all the conversations no one else hears." It was funny to no one but me, I'm sure... but come on let me have my moment.
Wednesday:
Craziest morning ever. I got on the wrong train by accident, but I realized it and started to back track to transfer and get up to where I needed to be. On a normal day I would have been fine, but not today. When I tried to transfer, I couldn't because all lines were down due to flooding in the subways. When I realized this, it was 7am and there was no way I would make it to drop off point on time I called my AD and he told me not to worry, to just take the 7:53 train in with the Actors. So I trudge on down to Grand Central Station only a few blocks away.
Guess what, everything was shut down until further notice. Further notice being 9 or 9:30, I cant remember. Hind sight tells me I should have taken the line I was on as far up as I could, and then take a cab from there... but if I had I wouldn't have been able to spend time with the actors, get to know them a little or sit next to Cute Actor.
The rest of the day ran smoothly, and I find out that C.A. likes my favorite band. Sweet.
Thursday:
Friday:
I was in charge of transport runs today. Basically I got to pick up and drop off the actors from the train station. Sweet because I also was their point of contact for the day. As the person to see them off, I had the pleasure of bidding them farewell and have a great evening. Aren't I so nice?
Also on the agenda for today, I stood out in the rain bracing a step ladder for the guy who was a stand in for the "killer," and then again when I was helping the lights guy play with the lights outside. Needless to say, I looked like a drowned rat by the end, but it was fun. I always seem to find jobs that require me to stand outside in the rain. silly jobs.
Saturday:
Today was the last day at our first location. The morning was the perfect temperature, and we were on a roll. I played the part of the 2nd 2nd. Basically I got to wrangle actors and make sure they got through hair/ makeup and costumes to be camera ready. I actually enjoyed this job. I don't mind dealing with the talent, most of them are pretty cool people. Also included in the 2nd 2nd package is Extras. Now I much prefer Actors to Extras, but you take what you can with the job. It cant all be fun an games, now can it. I had to guard the outside door and yell "Camera Rolling," and "Cut," so that all the Extras knew when they could talk and when they had to shut up. Standing outside wasn't so bad though, I mean I love that I got to sunbathe and talk to miscellaneous crew/ actors when I camera wasn't rolling.
Reason 4,638 that the actors love me: I found a way to make coffee for them in a room we thought we wouldn't be able to. Okay so there's not really 4,638 reasons I know about, but they do love me. What can I say, I rock.
After this movie goes to theatres, my arm will be a star. Yes my arm stood in for the killer, I have to make sure that it doesn't get too much of a big head after this.
Hope you have enjoyed this tidbit of travel through the world of film production. I am sure the novelty of it will wear off at some point, but right now with it being fresh I really want to share in the excitement.
Monday:
I played the quiet card, trying to get a feel of the shoot and what was going on. I did whatever I was asked, no questions, and just saw where everything was headed. I work best this way, not to mention that there is a certain intimidation factor (I am realizing) in this because it makes everyone think I know what I am doing. I am not quiet, nor do I like to take orders from others, but I realize that you have to do this sometimes. No one knows everything all the time, or ever. Its when we can admit that we know nothing about what we are doing, that we can learn the most. Its when we can give in to our innate desire to do what we want to do, that things start falling into place.
Tuesday I would be ready.
Tuesday:
I was able to do more today with out being asked and with out hesitation. I was chatty with my fellow crew as with the actors. It was incredibly, incredibly hot that day and so the usual collective smell we all have was increased ten fold. I am sure you want to hear about said collective funk, so I wont continue with it. One thing that stuck out to me today was the sound guy. When we were sitting outside taking a break at some point, he said that what he loved most about the industry is that he wires all the actors up and then can hear whats going on off set as well (because everyone forgets he has them wired). Basically he knows everything going on on set.
This came up again later when people weren't quite getting whats going on in a scene, and so he reiterated the directors words with his own twist. The AD then said "I love how he hears all the conversations no one else hears." It was funny to no one but me, I'm sure... but come on let me have my moment.
Wednesday:
Craziest morning ever. I got on the wrong train by accident, but I realized it and started to back track to transfer and get up to where I needed to be. On a normal day I would have been fine, but not today. When I tried to transfer, I couldn't because all lines were down due to flooding in the subways. When I realized this, it was 7am and there was no way I would make it to drop off point on time I called my AD and he told me not to worry, to just take the 7:53 train in with the Actors. So I trudge on down to Grand Central Station only a few blocks away.
Guess what, everything was shut down until further notice. Further notice being 9 or 9:30, I cant remember. Hind sight tells me I should have taken the line I was on as far up as I could, and then take a cab from there... but if I had I wouldn't have been able to spend time with the actors, get to know them a little or sit next to Cute Actor.
The rest of the day ran smoothly, and I find out that C.A. likes my favorite band. Sweet.
Thursday:
I don't really remember what happened, we had fun, I talked with C.A., it was sunny, we stayed til 9pm, I was a stand in for Jenny.
FYI, with regards to C.A. Just so you don't think I am a shallow girl who is just chasing after actors, let me straighten you out. C.A. is the easiest thing to call him, and while I think he might be flattered that I thought him cool enough to mention in my blog I wouldn't want to without his permission. He is fun to work with and to talk to, hence why it might seem that I am a little obsessed. I'm not, really. Hes just a nice guy.
Friday:
I was in charge of transport runs today. Basically I got to pick up and drop off the actors from the train station. Sweet because I also was their point of contact for the day. As the person to see them off, I had the pleasure of bidding them farewell and have a great evening. Aren't I so nice?
Also on the agenda for today, I stood out in the rain bracing a step ladder for the guy who was a stand in for the "killer," and then again when I was helping the lights guy play with the lights outside. Needless to say, I looked like a drowned rat by the end, but it was fun. I always seem to find jobs that require me to stand outside in the rain. silly jobs.
Saturday:
Today was the last day at our first location. The morning was the perfect temperature, and we were on a roll. I played the part of the 2nd 2nd. Basically I got to wrangle actors and make sure they got through hair/ makeup and costumes to be camera ready. I actually enjoyed this job. I don't mind dealing with the talent, most of them are pretty cool people. Also included in the 2nd 2nd package is Extras. Now I much prefer Actors to Extras, but you take what you can with the job. It cant all be fun an games, now can it. I had to guard the outside door and yell "Camera Rolling," and "Cut," so that all the Extras knew when they could talk and when they had to shut up. Standing outside wasn't so bad though, I mean I love that I got to sunbathe and talk to miscellaneous crew/ actors when I camera wasn't rolling.
Reason 4,638 that the actors love me: I found a way to make coffee for them in a room we thought we wouldn't be able to. Okay so there's not really 4,638 reasons I know about, but they do love me. What can I say, I rock.
After this movie goes to theatres, my arm will be a star. Yes my arm stood in for the killer, I have to make sure that it doesn't get too much of a big head after this.
Hope you have enjoyed this tidbit of travel through the world of film production. I am sure the novelty of it will wear off at some point, but right now with it being fresh I really want to share in the excitement.
10 August 2007
It Starts...
My lifelong dream of making movies is well underway. As previously stated I took an unpaid position as a set production assistant on an independent horror film. I am just out of a year of service, I am used to this not for pay stuff.work. (I cant get too used to it though, i need to make some money at some point)
This work has been amazing. I understand that production assisting is basically being a gofer and bitch to all of the positions above you, yes even after 4 days I understand this basic concept. The thing is that I came into this position knowing it would be like that and knowing that if I ever wanted to get anywhere in film I would have to start out there, at ground zero. This may not be the type of work I want to do, but it will eventually make it possible for me to do that work. Baby steps, Baby steps.
Thus far the crew I am working with is incredible. They are all down to earth and fun to be around, not to mention the breadth of knowledge I am gaining from just hanging around with them. The atmosphere suits me; and though I am still playing the quite girl who is trying to figure out her job requirements, I am very quickly learning that I do not stay quite for long. Four days in and we are all acting like family. Let me tell you, it feels great!
By the end of each day we are all sweaty and smelly and gross, actors and crew alike. We seem to all love it, and continuously joke about it. What could be better? After working in this industry for a few days, I can scarcely see myself doing anything that strays too much from it.
This work has been amazing. I understand that production assisting is basically being a gofer and bitch to all of the positions above you, yes even after 4 days I understand this basic concept. The thing is that I came into this position knowing it would be like that and knowing that if I ever wanted to get anywhere in film I would have to start out there, at ground zero. This may not be the type of work I want to do, but it will eventually make it possible for me to do that work. Baby steps, Baby steps.
Thus far the crew I am working with is incredible. They are all down to earth and fun to be around, not to mention the breadth of knowledge I am gaining from just hanging around with them. The atmosphere suits me; and though I am still playing the quite girl who is trying to figure out her job requirements, I am very quickly learning that I do not stay quite for long. Four days in and we are all acting like family. Let me tell you, it feels great!
By the end of each day we are all sweaty and smelly and gross, actors and crew alike. We seem to all love it, and continuously joke about it. What could be better? After working in this industry for a few days, I can scarcely see myself doing anything that strays too much from it.
02 August 2007
Crazy Girl
I am quite possibly certifiably crazy. I don't know many people who would at the last minute accept a job for no pay in a new city, even me. Yet, I surprise myself everyday. About two months ago I applied to an independent horror film. Last Friday they called me to see if I wanted to work it. I said yes.
Am I crazy?
Yes.
Is it worth it?
Yes.
I don't know how many chances I will have to get this thing started. If I pass this one up, I might not see another for a while. This just feels right. If it didn't, I wouldn't be doing it.
For right now I am going to just take the plunge and see what happens and where life takes me.
Am I crazy?
Yes.
Is it worth it?
Yes.
I don't know how many chances I will have to get this thing started. If I pass this one up, I might not see another for a while. This just feels right. If it didn't, I wouldn't be doing it.
For right now I am going to just take the plunge and see what happens and where life takes me.
31 July 2007
Home at Last
After packing out and leaving Detroit, I am finally home. Its a great feeling to be home, but ultimately I know its only temporary. At heart, I will forever be a beach girl for I feel comfort and ease when I am on the coast or neart water; but I need more.
For some time now, I have been saying I wanted to get out of the beach. Dont get me wrong, I love Virginia Beach, its a great place to live. To do the work I want to do, though, I need to leave. Right now I feel that drive more than ever. And so, taking the biggest risk I have ever taken in my life, I am moving up to New York on a whim to work unpaid on a horror film. I am aware that this whole idea is crazy, but amazing at the same time. For once I am being selfish, doing something for me because I feel its what I need.
There is a reason that everything worked out for me to be able to take this leap and make it work right here and now. I'm not sure what it is or how its going to pan out, but I am intrigued to see where it goes.
As hard as it was for me to go home for a week and then leave again, I know it was the right thing for me. Home will always be there for me to return to, and will be with me where ever I go. Home is where the heart is and as long as I have support from friends and family, I can go anywhere.
Right now I am chasing a dream as far as it takes me. There comes a time when you have to stop saying you're going to do things and just do them... a time when you have to stop doubting yourself and be free. With a little bit of hard work, persistence, ingenuity and a lot of faith, everything will fall into place.
For some time now, I have been saying I wanted to get out of the beach. Dont get me wrong, I love Virginia Beach, its a great place to live. To do the work I want to do, though, I need to leave. Right now I feel that drive more than ever. And so, taking the biggest risk I have ever taken in my life, I am moving up to New York on a whim to work unpaid on a horror film. I am aware that this whole idea is crazy, but amazing at the same time. For once I am being selfish, doing something for me because I feel its what I need.
There is a reason that everything worked out for me to be able to take this leap and make it work right here and now. I'm not sure what it is or how its going to pan out, but I am intrigued to see where it goes.
As hard as it was for me to go home for a week and then leave again, I know it was the right thing for me. Home will always be there for me to return to, and will be with me where ever I go. Home is where the heart is and as long as I have support from friends and family, I can go anywhere.
Right now I am chasing a dream as far as it takes me. There comes a time when you have to stop saying you're going to do things and just do them... a time when you have to stop doubting yourself and be free. With a little bit of hard work, persistence, ingenuity and a lot of faith, everything will fall into place.
26 July 2007
I HATE GOODBYES
People say the wait is the hardest part. Well as impaitent as I am, I understand this concept but I disagree. Getting to point A, you are uncertain but open to whatever. There are no attachments just ideas. But by the time you reach the end you have had time to form attachments, affect lives, and in turn be truly affected. Now, you tell me what's harder to leave?
Thursday began a long weekend of goodbyes. Some may follow along side me as I journey, some will pop in and out of my life periodically, and some I will never see again.
Thursday bombarded me with both Matrix and MEP farewells. The women I tutor want me to stay, and someone even offered to find me a rich boyfriend, a decent house and a job, so that I could stay and tutor her. Who would be crazy enough to turn down that offer? Me. I'd rather adventure outward into the unknown and see what life throws at me.
The women there will never understand that they taught me more than I ever could teach them. Cliche, I know. But its true. Seeing them chase their dreams of something as simple as a GED has helped give me the courage to chase a childhood dream that has followed me through life. I will make it, mark my words and they have helped empower me. My students were harder to say goodbye to than the job. I was like Sylvia Barrett, but teaching adults in intercity Detroit.
Matrix shut down the office for me at 4pm and we had a potluck. There was food, fun and talk. I stayed fairly quiet because if I talked too much I would cry. I have learned so much from each person there in their own ways. I am really going to miss that place, I mean how many places will be calling you Princess about half way through the year (Thank you Elana for starting that one). When working with all women you have to claim your Princessdom. If you don't someone else will.
Friday was then my last day... my last day of my year of service. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was saying good bye to everyone for the last time. The thing is, though, that I knew what I had to do, I knew I had to leave, and I knew I had to follow my heart. Anita and I said our goodbyes to the JVs (though I was over there most of the weekend). Saturday I took Anita to the Airport, and bid her farewell. I doubt we will ever live in the same vicinity again, but I can guarantee that after everything we went through together, we will always have a connection.
Saturday night I went over Elaine's house for a while. Throughout the year, Elaine meant a lot to me, and to thank her I made her a mask. When I finally left her place, I met up with the JV's for a movie at the drive in (Knocked Up). It was hilariously funny, and we spent most of the night pondering what we were going to be doing for the rest of our lives, a truly philosophical moment in time. I stayed the night on their couch. I couldn't stand to spend a night alone in the house with Mary.
Sunday I packed most of the day and by evening, Sarah arrived to come and save me. I gave her my wonderful tour of Detroit. She enjoyed it, and thought it was fabulous I took her for Mexican food. The restaurants there have some of the best! Monday morning we hopped in the car and with out a thought, I said a final goodbye to Detroit.
Get Smart
When I was a kid I dreamed of being Agent 99, aside Maxwell Smart, fighting crime, being witty and generally going on adventures. I have seen every episode of Get Smart at least 10 times and for much of my childhood wanted to be a secret agent.
What I find brilliant about that show is that I was able to laugh at it as a kid, and as I grew was able to continue growing and laughing with the show. The comedy was brilliant and full of depth that I don't think can be fully realized unless you grow up with it.
Now... the moment I have been waiting for my whole life (slightly exaggerated here) is here. Get Smart has been made into a movie with Steve Carell as Max, Anne Hathaway as Agent 99, Alan Arkin as Chief and a plethora of others. Golly, its time for me to break out my old Agent 99 badge from Thespian Society initiations, dust it off and carry it around with me. The only thing better than its cast now would be if I were cast as Agent 99... but you know I just "Missed it by that much."
Trailer
What I find brilliant about that show is that I was able to laugh at it as a kid, and as I grew was able to continue growing and laughing with the show. The comedy was brilliant and full of depth that I don't think can be fully realized unless you grow up with it.
Now... the moment I have been waiting for my whole life (slightly exaggerated here) is here. Get Smart has been made into a movie with Steve Carell as Max, Anne Hathaway as Agent 99, Alan Arkin as Chief and a plethora of others. Golly, its time for me to break out my old Agent 99 badge from Thespian Society initiations, dust it off and carry it around with me. The only thing better than its cast now would be if I were cast as Agent 99... but you know I just "Missed it by that much."
Trailer
25 July 2007
My Harry Potter Adventure
As a Harry Potter fan who has purchased her book the night it was released for the past two books, I had to do something just as notable if not more so for the 7th and final book. It would be tough for me to top last time: in London, sitting in line with people from all over the world while trying to get the line to do the wave.... and then the next day traveling to Edinburgh, Scotland. Yeah, not much will top that, but I can try.
My Harry Potter night adventure... It all started that morning when I got dressed. I had to decide between a fun Tonksey type outfit or my classic Gryffindork shirt. Because my Tonksey outfit wasn't Tonksey enough, I decided with Gryffindork. I then drive from Cleveland to Pittsburgh.
Why Pittsburgh, you ask? Well its not Pittsburgh specifically, my family reunion happened to be that weekend and so I made plans to purchase my book there. Coincidentally my friend Draco (well I met him at a Halloween party almost 4 years ago when he was dressed as Draco) just moved to Pittsburgh. It was destined that we would spend the evening together at the release party.
So I get to Pittsburgh, spend a little time with my family and then shamelessly tell them that I am going to meet my friend for the Harry Potter release. As I walk out the door, Dad reminds me to pick up my brother from the airport. Don't worry Daddy, I wont.
So I go pick up Draco. He doesn't look like Draco anymore, I personally think he looks better as himself than as Draco... but that's a moot point that I have told him since the day I met him. Tis a shame that he has always had a girlfriend, it would have been interesting to see if we actually could have worked. This is beside the point...
We get to B&N, like a faithful friend he had already gotten the paper bracelets to get the book at midnight. We hung around the store for a bit... I got sidetracked a time or two. We got sorted, saw a potions demonstration, humored a scavenger hunt, and thought about getting face painted... I thought about getting face painted rather. Then when we were both feeling overwhelmed with crazed fans, we left the store and went to the bar next door for a little bit. We hoped to see other Harry Potter people, but we were disappointed. It was nice catching up with him.
At 10:30 we left to pick up my brother and after getting a little turned around, we finally got him, got back and got our books.
Yay for a night of adventure.
I was finished with the book by Sunday Night (and that was only about 10 hours of reading... I didn't want to ditch my family, now did I?)
Will have personal review of book later.
My Harry Potter night adventure... It all started that morning when I got dressed. I had to decide between a fun Tonksey type outfit or my classic Gryffindork shirt. Because my Tonksey outfit wasn't Tonksey enough, I decided with Gryffindork. I then drive from Cleveland to Pittsburgh.
Why Pittsburgh, you ask? Well its not Pittsburgh specifically, my family reunion happened to be that weekend and so I made plans to purchase my book there. Coincidentally my friend Draco (well I met him at a Halloween party almost 4 years ago when he was dressed as Draco) just moved to Pittsburgh. It was destined that we would spend the evening together at the release party.
So I get to Pittsburgh, spend a little time with my family and then shamelessly tell them that I am going to meet my friend for the Harry Potter release. As I walk out the door, Dad reminds me to pick up my brother from the airport. Don't worry Daddy, I wont.
So I go pick up Draco. He doesn't look like Draco anymore, I personally think he looks better as himself than as Draco... but that's a moot point that I have told him since the day I met him. Tis a shame that he has always had a girlfriend, it would have been interesting to see if we actually could have worked. This is beside the point...
We get to B&N, like a faithful friend he had already gotten the paper bracelets to get the book at midnight. We hung around the store for a bit... I got sidetracked a time or two. We got sorted, saw a potions demonstration, humored a scavenger hunt, and thought about getting face painted... I thought about getting face painted rather. Then when we were both feeling overwhelmed with crazed fans, we left the store and went to the bar next door for a little bit. We hoped to see other Harry Potter people, but we were disappointed. It was nice catching up with him.
At 10:30 we left to pick up my brother and after getting a little turned around, we finally got him, got back and got our books.
Yay for a night of adventure.
I was finished with the book by Sunday Night (and that was only about 10 hours of reading... I didn't want to ditch my family, now did I?)
Will have personal review of book later.
16 July 2007
10 July 2007
Confessions of a Crazed Fan...
Harry Potter.
Is it bad that four different friends, with in a four hour time frame told me they thought of me every time they saw anything Harry Potter? That might be a little outrageous.
After this statement, I am sure you can suspect that I did indeed go see the movie opening day at Midnight. I am sure you can also guess that I bought the tickets at least a week in advance, and was first in line for my theatre. The line actually formed because me and my friends walked into the movie theatre lobby and asked stood like we were in line. Everyone who had been standing outside in front of the place walked in, confused and a little peeved since they were there before us. Glorious, just glorious. I'm sorry that we all happen to come from larger cities where this type of thing has lines forming several hours in advance.
I would have dressed up, but I didn't really have anyone I could dress up as. Though, after seeing Tonks, I want to dress up as her. Even though I couldn't dress up, I did have my wand and might I say that I was fully prepared to hex, charm or curse anyone who made fun of me or got into my way. It was a midnight movie release, everyone there with me was just as obsessed and you know it (the theatre cheered when 3 kids walked in dressed up).
Well done movie, I might add. And, I'm not just saying that because I like the book. I thought that the story was cut in all the right places and for it being the longest book, it didn't seem disjointed. The story flowed really well and every actor made their little on screen time valuable. Snape was amazing.
Well done chaps, well done.
So, who wants my extra ticket when I attend one of the last two premieres?
And, in less than a week's time, I will be purchasing my 7th book... and sighing a long drawn out sigh when I have completed it.
One thing I fully believe, that I have learned in part from Harry Potter, and that I try to live by is: only those who believe in the impossible can make the impossible possible...
Is it bad that four different friends, with in a four hour time frame told me they thought of me every time they saw anything Harry Potter? That might be a little outrageous.
After this statement, I am sure you can suspect that I did indeed go see the movie opening day at Midnight. I am sure you can also guess that I bought the tickets at least a week in advance, and was first in line for my theatre. The line actually formed because me and my friends walked into the movie theatre lobby and asked stood like we were in line. Everyone who had been standing outside in front of the place walked in, confused and a little peeved since they were there before us. Glorious, just glorious. I'm sorry that we all happen to come from larger cities where this type of thing has lines forming several hours in advance.
I would have dressed up, but I didn't really have anyone I could dress up as. Though, after seeing Tonks, I want to dress up as her. Even though I couldn't dress up, I did have my wand and might I say that I was fully prepared to hex, charm or curse anyone who made fun of me or got into my way. It was a midnight movie release, everyone there with me was just as obsessed and you know it (the theatre cheered when 3 kids walked in dressed up).
Well done movie, I might add. And, I'm not just saying that because I like the book. I thought that the story was cut in all the right places and for it being the longest book, it didn't seem disjointed. The story flowed really well and every actor made their little on screen time valuable. Snape was amazing.
Well done chaps, well done.
So, who wants my extra ticket when I attend one of the last two premieres?
And, in less than a week's time, I will be purchasing my 7th book... and sighing a long drawn out sigh when I have completed it.
One thing I fully believe, that I have learned in part from Harry Potter, and that I try to live by is: only those who believe in the impossible can make the impossible possible...
09 July 2007
Where Loyalties Lie
A hush fell over the crowd as the game went into the 13th inning... Okay, that's a bit dramatic. Let me just say that Saturday's Red Sox v. Tigers game was amazing. The Sox scored early on with a home run from Ortiz (who I might add was walked the rest of the game... shame, real shame) and then the Tigers caught up around the 4th. No run was scored again until the bottom of the 13th when Pudge had a nice shot out to center field. The game was intense, well played and fun. The only way it could have been better was if the Sox had won.
Initially in the game I was a little superficial... see we had standing room tickets, so we would move around every so often. I would move only if it did not interfere with me watching J.D. Drew bat (I'm sorry, he's hot). A couple innings in though I had completely forgotten that I was doing any gawking at guys. My focus had turned to Dusting Pedroia, rookie second baseman, who I had not really noticed before. The entire game I was trying to remember his name, and now I don't think I will forget it. All around, he played really well (both Saturday night and Sunday when I watched the game on television). I think I have a new favorite Sox player... and this one isn't superficial at all.
One of the more interesting parts of the game was at the bottom of the 13th, Papelbon was in pitching. He kept throwing to first after Gary Sheffield got on base. Sheff had to dive back to the base each time to remain safe... there were quite a few close calls. He remained safe, but the game remained interesting. Even better, after a friend said Paps was being a jerk I listed of about 10 reasons why he wasn't. I'm sorry, if he has to speed and control to actually get the runner to have to dive back each time, I say keep it interesting and throw. Tigers fans claimed he was stalling... I think they were just getting nervous that it was going to go into a 14th inning.
I cant even begin to tell you how amazing it was to be in Comerica Park wearing my Boston gear proud. Any other game, no one thinks twice when I wear my Boston hat. But, when Tigers played Sox I received evil looks from just about every Tigers fan. It was as if they were asking what I was doing in their ball park. One guy went so far as to tell me I was wearing the wrong hat. When I confirmed I wasn't, he asked if I was one of the bandwagon Sox fans. I looked at him like he was crazy and proudly stated that I was an east coast girl, born and bread Boston fan. He accepted the answer, rock on.
Out of the 45, 000 people at the park that night (number could be wrong), I was among a handful of Boston Fans. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Really, its not about the outcome of the game. Yeah, its always a little better when your team wins. But, its really about having a passion for the game, supporting your team through thick and thin, and having fun whilst doing it.
Initially in the game I was a little superficial... see we had standing room tickets, so we would move around every so often. I would move only if it did not interfere with me watching J.D. Drew bat (I'm sorry, he's hot). A couple innings in though I had completely forgotten that I was doing any gawking at guys. My focus had turned to Dusting Pedroia, rookie second baseman, who I had not really noticed before. The entire game I was trying to remember his name, and now I don't think I will forget it. All around, he played really well (both Saturday night and Sunday when I watched the game on television). I think I have a new favorite Sox player... and this one isn't superficial at all.
One of the more interesting parts of the game was at the bottom of the 13th, Papelbon was in pitching. He kept throwing to first after Gary Sheffield got on base. Sheff had to dive back to the base each time to remain safe... there were quite a few close calls. He remained safe, but the game remained interesting. Even better, after a friend said Paps was being a jerk I listed of about 10 reasons why he wasn't. I'm sorry, if he has to speed and control to actually get the runner to have to dive back each time, I say keep it interesting and throw. Tigers fans claimed he was stalling... I think they were just getting nervous that it was going to go into a 14th inning.
I cant even begin to tell you how amazing it was to be in Comerica Park wearing my Boston gear proud. Any other game, no one thinks twice when I wear my Boston hat. But, when Tigers played Sox I received evil looks from just about every Tigers fan. It was as if they were asking what I was doing in their ball park. One guy went so far as to tell me I was wearing the wrong hat. When I confirmed I wasn't, he asked if I was one of the bandwagon Sox fans. I looked at him like he was crazy and proudly stated that I was an east coast girl, born and bread Boston fan. He accepted the answer, rock on.
Out of the 45, 000 people at the park that night (number could be wrong), I was among a handful of Boston Fans. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Really, its not about the outcome of the game. Yeah, its always a little better when your team wins. But, its really about having a passion for the game, supporting your team through thick and thin, and having fun whilst doing it.
06 July 2007
Disturbia
I have to say, this movie was not a bad take on Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. I liked it and I look forward to seeing where Shia LeBouff's career goes.
I have been in a strange "horror movie" mode recently. I want to find a movie that genuinely scares me. I haven't. Disturbing images don't bother me, and I don't get nightmares.
I think it goes back to when I was about 5... at least that long ago. My mother used to let me stay up and watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents on Nick at Night. It didn't bother me then and even as I grew up, I would wake up in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep and watch movies like Jaws to fall back asleep. Yeah, I am sick, twisted and a little warped... but I want to get into film. Do you expect any less?
I have been in a strange "horror movie" mode recently. I want to find a movie that genuinely scares me. I haven't. Disturbing images don't bother me, and I don't get nightmares.
I think it goes back to when I was about 5... at least that long ago. My mother used to let me stay up and watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents on Nick at Night. It didn't bother me then and even as I grew up, I would wake up in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep and watch movies like Jaws to fall back asleep. Yeah, I am sick, twisted and a little warped... but I want to get into film. Do you expect any less?
04 July 2007
Mercy End of the Year Reflection
Serendipity: a happy accident; a fortuitous twist of fate. some laugh at this notion but serendipity is why I am here. A year ago I was applying to an internship at a small theatre in DC when I happened upon Mercy Volunteer Corps, which just so happened to have a placement at a social justice theatre. I decided to apply if I did not get the internship. I didn't and so I applied.
I wasn't sure then it was what I wanted my first year out of college, and still wasn't sure when I was accepted to MVC. But, everything seemed wrapped up with a nice little bow for me to be here in Detroit. So, I left it up to fate: heads I'd come to Detroit and tales I'd pursue other opportunities.
Can you guess what the coin landed on? (not kidding about the coin part)
So I packed my essentials: clothes, paint, a VHS of Labyrinth; and, armed with my eternal optimism and mindset of "Nothing is impossible, impossible just requires a couple extra phone calls... and some duct tape," I adventured onward to Detroit.
I had no expectations going into this year, only hope for what might be. Even with no expectations I have been completely blown away.
A year like this changes you if you let it, you have to take the good with the bad and mold it into something you can take with you, to remind you of all you're capable of.
One of my first assignments at Matrix Theatre was designing and compiling costumes for their fall show: set in the 1920's, 10 cast members each needed about 5 costume changes.
Now I studied some theatre in school and even took a few design classes. Nothing prepared me for this. I had to be a real life costume designer. Don't tell them, but I made it up as I went. Sought out help when I needed it, but really learned how to jump head first into projects and have the confidence to make it up as I go.
I have used this technique all year. In addition to the theatre I also tutor women who are working toward their G.E.D. If you know how hard teaching kids is, adults are 10 times harder (in my opinion anyways). Many of the women I work with have gone 30, 40, 50 years or more of their life speaking and writing improperly by educational standards, with reading levels as low as 2nd grade and basic understanding of Math. Not to mention that when you explain what is "correct" they ask you why its this way cause it makes no sense, or why we have three versions of the word there with three different spellings and meanings, or why fractions cant work like whole numbers. I often stare blankly at them wondering the same thing.
Each day, each new tutoring session, each new woman I had to make up a new plan of action. Many times I felt inadequate, but eventually with persistence you get through. And, as long as you're giving them the tools to give themselves the confidence to let themselves succeed, then you yourself are succeeding.
It breaks my heart to hear them say 'I can't,' or 'I'm stupid,' but I just stay positive and encourage them. Its all about empowerment.
Sometimes its not even so big as empowerment, sometimes people just need you to listen. I have been a part of the planning committee for an Inclusive Theatre Initiative. This whole year we have been planning these story circles to gather stories that may eventually help to develop an original play. The workshops themselves are inspiring, and people are amazed at the stories they come up with to accompany the questions: "what was a day that changed my life?" and "When was a time i did something I thought I couldn't?" These questions aren't as easy as they may seem-- trust me. I was amazed at how long it took me to come up with something I did that I thought I couldn't. What did I finally come up with? Giving Blood.
They aren't questions we think of every day, but they are questions that make you realize how special and unique you actually are. So, workshop facilitators and participants alike share themselves and stories through words, art and dance.
Detroit has been incredible in so many ways... I cant even begin to sum them all up in a short reflection of this year. I have learned about life, love and all I am made of. I don't think I'll fully understand the lasting effects until i am well into my next adventure. What I do know is that things and people are always worth a second, deeper look; never understand yourself or others; miracles happen everyday if only you open your eyes to them; risks are meant to be taken; and each new day offers another chance to fall in love.
Don't be afraid to let yourself fall, because one minute you're telling yourself not to and the next you're fumbling with the parachute on the way down.
I wasn't sure then it was what I wanted my first year out of college, and still wasn't sure when I was accepted to MVC. But, everything seemed wrapped up with a nice little bow for me to be here in Detroit. So, I left it up to fate: heads I'd come to Detroit and tales I'd pursue other opportunities.
Can you guess what the coin landed on? (not kidding about the coin part)
So I packed my essentials: clothes, paint, a VHS of Labyrinth; and, armed with my eternal optimism and mindset of "Nothing is impossible, impossible just requires a couple extra phone calls... and some duct tape," I adventured onward to Detroit.
I had no expectations going into this year, only hope for what might be. Even with no expectations I have been completely blown away.
A year like this changes you if you let it, you have to take the good with the bad and mold it into something you can take with you, to remind you of all you're capable of.
One of my first assignments at Matrix Theatre was designing and compiling costumes for their fall show: set in the 1920's, 10 cast members each needed about 5 costume changes.
Now I studied some theatre in school and even took a few design classes. Nothing prepared me for this. I had to be a real life costume designer. Don't tell them, but I made it up as I went. Sought out help when I needed it, but really learned how to jump head first into projects and have the confidence to make it up as I go.
I have used this technique all year. In addition to the theatre I also tutor women who are working toward their G.E.D. If you know how hard teaching kids is, adults are 10 times harder (in my opinion anyways). Many of the women I work with have gone 30, 40, 50 years or more of their life speaking and writing improperly by educational standards, with reading levels as low as 2nd grade and basic understanding of Math. Not to mention that when you explain what is "correct" they ask you why its this way cause it makes no sense, or why we have three versions of the word there with three different spellings and meanings, or why fractions cant work like whole numbers. I often stare blankly at them wondering the same thing.
Each day, each new tutoring session, each new woman I had to make up a new plan of action. Many times I felt inadequate, but eventually with persistence you get through. And, as long as you're giving them the tools to give themselves the confidence to let themselves succeed, then you yourself are succeeding.
It breaks my heart to hear them say 'I can't,' or 'I'm stupid,' but I just stay positive and encourage them. Its all about empowerment.
Sometimes its not even so big as empowerment, sometimes people just need you to listen. I have been a part of the planning committee for an Inclusive Theatre Initiative. This whole year we have been planning these story circles to gather stories that may eventually help to develop an original play. The workshops themselves are inspiring, and people are amazed at the stories they come up with to accompany the questions: "what was a day that changed my life?" and "When was a time i did something I thought I couldn't?" These questions aren't as easy as they may seem-- trust me. I was amazed at how long it took me to come up with something I did that I thought I couldn't. What did I finally come up with? Giving Blood.
They aren't questions we think of every day, but they are questions that make you realize how special and unique you actually are. So, workshop facilitators and participants alike share themselves and stories through words, art and dance.
Detroit has been incredible in so many ways... I cant even begin to sum them all up in a short reflection of this year. I have learned about life, love and all I am made of. I don't think I'll fully understand the lasting effects until i am well into my next adventure. What I do know is that things and people are always worth a second, deeper look; never understand yourself or others; miracles happen everyday if only you open your eyes to them; risks are meant to be taken; and each new day offers another chance to fall in love.
Don't be afraid to let yourself fall, because one minute you're telling yourself not to and the next you're fumbling with the parachute on the way down.
03 July 2007
Bird Watching
There is a sweet mockingbird that frequents our office. He arrived with the summer, and though only here a short time I certainly enjoy his presence. I sometimes like to sit back and watch as he works away, graceful and enchanting is he. A nice and subtle distraction from work. But, alas my time here comes to a close and though he will be gone by summer's end, I will fly away too soon. Such is my life, a wanderer. Moving from place to place, I search for an eventual home to call my own. The bird, mocks as he does best, perhaps if I just stay then maybe he will too. But, that is not so. As much as I might hope, it cant be. Thus, I will just watch and briefly escape in what little time we have left.
25 June 2007
Life as an Office Squatter
I have no desk, and thus no home at MEP. Normally this is an easy problem to handle, when I am tutoring I don't need a desk. The problem arises when we have breaks where, even though there is nothing to do, I have to come in. How do I pretend to be busy when I don't have a desk to sit at?
Simple answer: You become an Office Squatter
What exactly is an office squatter you ask? You know the concept of a squatter, a person who takes up residence in a home or office with out actually having permission. Same deal here, only with office desks and computers.
When I first arrive at MEP, I immediately go to the office cubicle area and assess which desks are currently taken and which aren't. Problem, I don't know who comes in when. I start with Shannan's desk, she and I now technically "share" a desk since I was evicted from mine when we hired a new staff member.
I turn on the computer and as its loading up, Shannan walks in... Damn. I grab my stuff and sit down at Sr. Janette's desk. She won't be in for an hour. I quickly get to work at pretending to be busy, namely doing job searching. At 10 in walks Sr. Janette and she looks at me confused. "Oh," I say, " I didn't know you'd be in today. Let me just get my things and get out of the way."
I save my stuff, shoot off my e-mails and move on. My next stop is Lisa's desk, my former desk. She's not in yet, so I can easily sit there for a while. She arrives far sooner than I anticipated and my perfect place for folding pamphlets is gone. I am deskless yet again.
I grab the pamphlets I just printed off and park in the middle of the floor in the most inconvenient location possible. I am hoping my actions will make a statement, no statement made though. Shannan just joins me to help get the job done.
Lunch is an easy time to avoid the desk squatting problem, Shannan and I sit outside and placidly eat our lunch in the sun. Yummm. No desk needed for that.
Afterwards I am back to square one. Who is missing from where. Everyone is still in place, but Sr. Janette makes the move to go work in the conference room. I move in for the take. I am here about 5 minutes before she notices and I innocently ask, "do you need your desk for something?"
She concedes and lets me have of for the 15 minutes I am still here for today.
Office Squatter lives to fight another day! Tomorrow I'm bringing my laptop...
Simple answer: You become an Office Squatter
What exactly is an office squatter you ask? You know the concept of a squatter, a person who takes up residence in a home or office with out actually having permission. Same deal here, only with office desks and computers.
When I first arrive at MEP, I immediately go to the office cubicle area and assess which desks are currently taken and which aren't. Problem, I don't know who comes in when. I start with Shannan's desk, she and I now technically "share" a desk since I was evicted from mine when we hired a new staff member.
I turn on the computer and as its loading up, Shannan walks in... Damn. I grab my stuff and sit down at Sr. Janette's desk. She won't be in for an hour. I quickly get to work at pretending to be busy, namely doing job searching. At 10 in walks Sr. Janette and she looks at me confused. "Oh," I say, " I didn't know you'd be in today. Let me just get my things and get out of the way."
I save my stuff, shoot off my e-mails and move on. My next stop is Lisa's desk, my former desk. She's not in yet, so I can easily sit there for a while. She arrives far sooner than I anticipated and my perfect place for folding pamphlets is gone. I am deskless yet again.
I grab the pamphlets I just printed off and park in the middle of the floor in the most inconvenient location possible. I am hoping my actions will make a statement, no statement made though. Shannan just joins me to help get the job done.
Lunch is an easy time to avoid the desk squatting problem, Shannan and I sit outside and placidly eat our lunch in the sun. Yummm. No desk needed for that.
Afterwards I am back to square one. Who is missing from where. Everyone is still in place, but Sr. Janette makes the move to go work in the conference room. I move in for the take. I am here about 5 minutes before she notices and I innocently ask, "do you need your desk for something?"
She concedes and lets me have of for the 15 minutes I am still here for today.
Office Squatter lives to fight another day! Tomorrow I'm bringing my laptop...
14 June 2007
Trypanophobia
I am afraid of needles. Not just afraid, but terrified. Involuntarily I tense up and have erratic breathing. I cant relax, I panic and tears well up in my eyes. I literally need someone with me to hold my hand or hold me down when I have to get shots, or need blood work or something of the sort.
Why am I afraid of needles? I don't know, I have my speculations, but I don't think there is one, single root of this fear. Fear is funny that way. The smallest incident can leave you broken for life, unable to trust someone when they tell you it wont hurt, unable to bring yourself to take risks to break away from this fear. In this way it leaves you crippled.
Fear just increases every time you experience it. Nothing changes, because the person attempting to draw you out of the fear doesn't know how to approach it, how to handle it. No one cares enough to take time and figure out what you need to help you rise above the fear; they don't even care enough when you're screaming it at them.
The only cure for Fear is time, and support. With time you can ease yourself into trusting again. With support, someone is there with you, encouraging you, being patient with your irrationality, and waiting with you until you're ready to risk rising above the fear.
I was rushed into a shot, I panicked and now have lost some of my trust again... Now its just going to take time, and working myself up to risking again.
Why am I afraid of needles? I don't know, I have my speculations, but I don't think there is one, single root of this fear. Fear is funny that way. The smallest incident can leave you broken for life, unable to trust someone when they tell you it wont hurt, unable to bring yourself to take risks to break away from this fear. In this way it leaves you crippled.
Fear just increases every time you experience it. Nothing changes, because the person attempting to draw you out of the fear doesn't know how to approach it, how to handle it. No one cares enough to take time and figure out what you need to help you rise above the fear; they don't even care enough when you're screaming it at them.
The only cure for Fear is time, and support. With time you can ease yourself into trusting again. With support, someone is there with you, encouraging you, being patient with your irrationality, and waiting with you until you're ready to risk rising above the fear.
I was rushed into a shot, I panicked and now have lost some of my trust again... Now its just going to take time, and working myself up to risking again.
12 June 2007
My Simple Dress
So this has been a project of mine since February. I got this skirt for free that was too big and so i turned it into a cute little dress.
02 June 2007
I am the queen of making plans and I never actually keep.... Something always comes up, a new opportunity poses itself, or I just chicken out.
Whats it going to take for the time to be right?
Sometimes you have to set everything aside: fear and others, and just jump, see where you land. Are you ready to take the plunge?
Whats it going to take for the time to be right?
Sometimes you have to set everything aside: fear and others, and just jump, see where you land. Are you ready to take the plunge?
30 May 2007
What Being Wanted Can Do
So the director here at matrix comes up to me and says we have a position here for you if you want to stay (before it was only in theory, you know planting the seed). We want to offer it to you first...
I said no, that I really cant stay... as much as I love it here, I feel I need to go (in a much more Maura way of course)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I am quite possibly insane, most would take a job (even americorps) if flat out offered to them. I am not most people. Its a great feeling to know that I am wanted here for all I have been to the theatre this year. I personally think I have gained so much more than I could ever give back... maybe I am wrong.
For the first time in my life though I really have focus... I have always said I wanted to get into production, but what steps have I taken? None until this year. Since about April I have been going head strong on this mission, and I will succeed.
I know this because there is a place I am wanted, here in Michigan. Just knowing that I am wanted, somewhere where I enjoy working doing things I love doing, makes me think that if this is the response I get when I love the field, imagine what possibilities will open when I am pursuing my dreams.
Until recently, I couldn't give a straight answer as to whether or not I wanted to leave Detroit. And now look at me, I am planning to move to NYC. I am making adult decisions, turning down job offers and really taking hold of my life.
I couldn't have done that with out this year here, and now I am off to make my dreams a reality.
I said no, that I really cant stay... as much as I love it here, I feel I need to go (in a much more Maura way of course)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I am quite possibly insane, most would take a job (even americorps) if flat out offered to them. I am not most people. Its a great feeling to know that I am wanted here for all I have been to the theatre this year. I personally think I have gained so much more than I could ever give back... maybe I am wrong.
For the first time in my life though I really have focus... I have always said I wanted to get into production, but what steps have I taken? None until this year. Since about April I have been going head strong on this mission, and I will succeed.
I know this because there is a place I am wanted, here in Michigan. Just knowing that I am wanted, somewhere where I enjoy working doing things I love doing, makes me think that if this is the response I get when I love the field, imagine what possibilities will open when I am pursuing my dreams.
Until recently, I couldn't give a straight answer as to whether or not I wanted to leave Detroit. And now look at me, I am planning to move to NYC. I am making adult decisions, turning down job offers and really taking hold of my life.
I couldn't have done that with out this year here, and now I am off to make my dreams a reality.
28 May 2007
Community and MVC Goes Down the Whole
So much for the MVC support system. I try and address a general concern that the old lady roommate may be an alcoholic who is mixing medications and alcohol, she says "What you need to decide for yourself is what you can do for yourself about having a good rest of the year." This statement was followed by her basically saying that maybe Anita and I need to try to include Mary more because often what drives people to drink is the lack of something... possibly community. Tell Mary to F*ing try first, I am tried of trying.
24 May 2007
20 May 2007
What a to do...
Hard work and dedication often produce quality results. Saturday was Matrix's New Day Festival. I wish I could say it went off without a hitch. What fun would it have been if it did though?
With MeadowMorphosis there were many hitches, we had to teach two kids the caterpillar dance the morning of because the caterpillar's mother decided they couldn't make it. The deer forgot her choreography, the grandmother rushed her lines, the child was violently ill but still wanted to go on, our bear arrived 10 minutes before we had to go on.
Did I have time to panic? No, I just had time to make it work.
Did the audience notice? Nope, as far as they were concerned it was as we rehearsed it.
That show business for you: you rehearse, you perform and its over... just like that. The insanity and build up is crazy, and the release incredible. When its all over you look back and wonder how you were able to pull it all off.
The first annual New Day Festival was a success, despite rain, no bathrooms and no power. Matrix is at the brink of something that will go on for a long time to come, and build community along the way.
In the pack up, I said I might come back next year for it if I'm not doing anything. Elaine told me to stop, to stop saying I'm going to do things or want to do things when I know better than anyone else that I am not staying.
She's right, she's absolutely right. I can say I am going to be here all I want, but the truth of the matter is I'm going to pursue my dreams. My dream is not to stay here, I love it but its not me. And I need to stop making idle promises I know I can never keep. My heart is in the right place, but my heart needs something else right now.
With MeadowMorphosis there were many hitches, we had to teach two kids the caterpillar dance the morning of because the caterpillar's mother decided they couldn't make it. The deer forgot her choreography, the grandmother rushed her lines, the child was violently ill but still wanted to go on, our bear arrived 10 minutes before we had to go on.
Did I have time to panic? No, I just had time to make it work.
Did the audience notice? Nope, as far as they were concerned it was as we rehearsed it.
That show business for you: you rehearse, you perform and its over... just like that. The insanity and build up is crazy, and the release incredible. When its all over you look back and wonder how you were able to pull it all off.
The first annual New Day Festival was a success, despite rain, no bathrooms and no power. Matrix is at the brink of something that will go on for a long time to come, and build community along the way.
In the pack up, I said I might come back next year for it if I'm not doing anything. Elaine told me to stop, to stop saying I'm going to do things or want to do things when I know better than anyone else that I am not staying.
She's right, she's absolutely right. I can say I am going to be here all I want, but the truth of the matter is I'm going to pursue my dreams. My dream is not to stay here, I love it but its not me. And I need to stop making idle promises I know I can never keep. My heart is in the right place, but my heart needs something else right now.
15 May 2007
Sitcoms and Life
So many of us watch sitcoms or prime time drama and wonder where the writers come up with those outlandish stories. I would like to propose that these shows are not as far fetched as we all like to think they are. Here's the set up: these shows air once a week for approximately twenty weeks out of the year. There are breaks in between airings, so its not even twenty consecutive weeks. What happens then is that there remains one hour to cover two weeks of drama, of course it will seem like A LOT of drama.
Honestly, if you took the drama from my roommates, the JVs and me (that's 11 people total, about the normal cast of a sitcom) from two weeks, exaggerated it ever so slightly, interconnected it, and squashed it all together, you could come up with a sitcom seeming more outlandish than Grey's Anatomy.
Honestly, if you took the drama from my roommates, the JVs and me (that's 11 people total, about the normal cast of a sitcom) from two weeks, exaggerated it ever so slightly, interconnected it, and squashed it all together, you could come up with a sitcom seeming more outlandish than Grey's Anatomy.
11 May 2007
Dream Big and Fly Away
What would you do to be able to follow your dreams, to live your dreams? I work everyday with women who are trying to make their dreams reality. They of course have more simple dreams than becoming a filmmaker and designer. They just want to earn their G.E.D. and be able to support their families better than they have been able to support them thus far.
What a joy to dream so simply, and what a luxury to dream big. Everyday I am reminded how lucky I am to be able to have dreams, and nothing to hold me back. How I wish I could just give my students what they want. This would never work out though, because what they want is to be self sufficient, able to learn, and pass the G.E.D. on their own.
Everyday I battle their nerve.
"I'm stupid," one will say when they do something incorrectly.
"I need you," they say when I see that they've mastered something.
Constantly, I tell them that they are not stupid, that they know how to do the problem on their own. Truthfully they do, they just need to believe that they can. Half the time I sit there and make them explain to me what they are doing, and 8 out of 10 times they already know how to do it.
I can only imagine what it must have been like to grow up, consistently being told I'm not good enough, or smart enough. The thought of generations of negative reinforcement terrifies me. I know I have a tendency to be hard on myself, but that’s because I know I CAN do better. So often I wonder if my students have ever been told they matter. I try to encourage them every day because I know that with enough drive, they can do anything. My heart sinks a little every time one drops out, but the ones who accomplish their goals keep me going, keep me pushing them to do their best.
Robert Browning said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?" If nothing else this year, I hope that I can instill this in my students. They need not settle for less than they deserve because they can accomplish anything as long at they stick to it.
It's not so much the dreams we have that matter, it’s that we dream at all.
What a joy to dream so simply, and what a luxury to dream big. Everyday I am reminded how lucky I am to be able to have dreams, and nothing to hold me back. How I wish I could just give my students what they want. This would never work out though, because what they want is to be self sufficient, able to learn, and pass the G.E.D. on their own.
Everyday I battle their nerve.
"I'm stupid," one will say when they do something incorrectly.
"I need you," they say when I see that they've mastered something.
Constantly, I tell them that they are not stupid, that they know how to do the problem on their own. Truthfully they do, they just need to believe that they can. Half the time I sit there and make them explain to me what they are doing, and 8 out of 10 times they already know how to do it.
I can only imagine what it must have been like to grow up, consistently being told I'm not good enough, or smart enough. The thought of generations of negative reinforcement terrifies me. I know I have a tendency to be hard on myself, but that’s because I know I CAN do better. So often I wonder if my students have ever been told they matter. I try to encourage them every day because I know that with enough drive, they can do anything. My heart sinks a little every time one drops out, but the ones who accomplish their goals keep me going, keep me pushing them to do their best.
Robert Browning said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?" If nothing else this year, I hope that I can instill this in my students. They need not settle for less than they deserve because they can accomplish anything as long at they stick to it.
It's not so much the dreams we have that matter, it’s that we dream at all.
07 May 2007
A Shakespearean Comedy Foiled by the Blasted Enneagram
I had been excited for two weeks about seeing Shakespeare's The Twelfth Night. You see it is by far my favorite of Shakespeare's comedies. Even more so, I was excited to share this play, this experience, with my roommate... The good one. When I find movies, plays, books, television shows or music enjoyable, I want to share them with the world. Its a "share the wealth" kind of thing.
The show was cute, not the best version I have ever seen, but cute. For children's theatre, I would expect nothing more than cute. Feste was a trite character, but otherwise I enjoyed the show and so did my roommate.
On the way home, she asks the infamous question: "What do you love about Twelfth Night?"
It took me a little while to answer it, I haven't really thought about this play academically in a while.
My reasons are these:
My roommate chose to hear that it was my favorite play (its not... its my favorite comedy... Henry IV is my fav play), and that I thought it illustrated the true nature of love... (can anyone tell me what is wrong with this thought?)
Anyways, she then went on to say that it is clear I am a 7 because my favorite show is a comedy and I feel it illustrates the true nature of love... STOP REDUCING EVERYTHING TO A STUPID PERSONALITY INDICATOR!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a tool not the end all be all.
The show was cute, not the best version I have ever seen, but cute. For children's theatre, I would expect nothing more than cute. Feste was a trite character, but otherwise I enjoyed the show and so did my roommate.
On the way home, she asks the infamous question: "What do you love about Twelfth Night?"
It took me a little while to answer it, I haven't really thought about this play academically in a while.
My reasons are these:
- It shows the true nature of unrequited love from all perspectives.
- Feste the fool by far the wisest character, and depending on how it is staged can almost seem to oversee and instigate what happens in the play.
- Viola is such a strong female character and I have always found it selfless, the way she is willing to woo Olivia for Orsino even though she is in love with him. She wants him to be happy, it pains her to see his heart ache.
- There is a moment where Viola realizes how things have become tangled in a knot and says out loud to the powers that be, that she is leaving it up to fate to untangle the matter. In this way the play is very mystical but not overtly magical as in a Midsummer's Night Dream. I like the alternative title better: What You Will.
- It shows woman's superiority in regards to love, the woman always gets what she wants.
- It was the first Shakespeare show I saw staged... what could be a better reason.
My roommate chose to hear that it was my favorite play (its not... its my favorite comedy... Henry IV is my fav play), and that I thought it illustrated the true nature of love... (can anyone tell me what is wrong with this thought?)
Anyways, she then went on to say that it is clear I am a 7 because my favorite show is a comedy and I feel it illustrates the true nature of love... STOP REDUCING EVERYTHING TO A STUPID PERSONALITY INDICATOR!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a tool not the end all be all.
25 April 2007
Fire, Fire, Fire!
So, today at MEP there was a fire.
It was after lunch, and we were all settling back in to studying. China was cleaning up after lunch with May's help, and everything was at peace. Everyone worked pretty independently, so Shannan and I were shamelessly taking a Harry Potter quiz on which I scored far too high. Had it official scoring, my ranking would be "Harry Potter Genius, Unless you're over 16... Then you just need to get a life."
We discarded the quiz and actually attempted to work, helping where we could or just tidying up the place since we had to leave at one today.
At quarter past noon, Rose and Toni rushed into the classrooms and said "Fire, Everyone evacuate the building."
We all stared at them blankly. Fire at MEP? How could that be?
"Fire!" they said again and blew a whistle. "Please move to your nearest exit."
A thought ran through my mind of those recordings before a movie, "In the event of a fire, please walk, do not run, to the nearest marked exit." How many people actually leave a theatre in a fire? I have been in several theatres where the film has burned through and we all sat there, like mindless zombies. We wanted our entertainment, not some fire drill. Had it been a reel fire, we all would have been dead.
I came to my senses and followed Shannan as she attempted to go get her keys. Rose shooed us back, "Go to the nearest exit, this is a FIRE!"
Shannan and I turned around defeated. Bummer, I thought, I wore a rain coat today and I actually want to use it. We stand outside in the rain, the bus is opened for anyone who wishes to stay dry. Shannan and I stand there, in the rain, getting wetter and wetter by the second. Why don't we go onto the bus? I suppose because we thought the whole ordeal was a tad ridiculous.
Word quickly spread that the fire was started in the oven, while it was self cleaning. This would be why we thought it was ridiculous. If they'd have asked me, I would have told them to turn it off and the fire will go out. I mean its a no brainer: no heat and no oxygen= some smoke but no fire. But no one asked me, we were just asked to wait outside in the rain for the fire department to come as the building filled with smoke. We all know the fire dept does not respond well in this area.
"Get under an umbrella, dear," someone said to me. I ignored them, what can I say? I am stubborn and thought that maybe if I stayed out in the rain it would all be washed away, like a dream after you wake. I was wrong, instead all I got was a headache and wet hair.
At 12:45 we are told we could go back in. All in all, not too long outside, but all could have been solved if someone had just turned it off in the first place.
I walk to the back and hunt for a brush, I needed to tame this mess I was calling hair. Sr. Janette had one in her desk, you can find everything in her desk. A few weeks back there was this sign in sheet that was missing, we hunted and hunted and hunted for it. Guess where we found it. Buried in a pile on Sr. Janette's desk. I bet if you searched long enough you could find some real gems hidden there.
The director was telling everyone to head home. There was no sense, she said, in inhaling all the smoke. To a point I agree with her, but I have another job to get to.
At one Shannan and I grab our things and head out, by that time it is no longer raining and my rain coat is useless. So much for actually trying to prepare for the elements today.
It was after lunch, and we were all settling back in to studying. China was cleaning up after lunch with May's help, and everything was at peace. Everyone worked pretty independently, so Shannan and I were shamelessly taking a Harry Potter quiz on which I scored far too high. Had it official scoring, my ranking would be "Harry Potter Genius, Unless you're over 16... Then you just need to get a life."
We discarded the quiz and actually attempted to work, helping where we could or just tidying up the place since we had to leave at one today.
At quarter past noon, Rose and Toni rushed into the classrooms and said "Fire, Everyone evacuate the building."
We all stared at them blankly. Fire at MEP? How could that be?
"Fire!" they said again and blew a whistle. "Please move to your nearest exit."
A thought ran through my mind of those recordings before a movie, "In the event of a fire, please walk, do not run, to the nearest marked exit." How many people actually leave a theatre in a fire? I have been in several theatres where the film has burned through and we all sat there, like mindless zombies. We wanted our entertainment, not some fire drill. Had it been a reel fire, we all would have been dead.
I came to my senses and followed Shannan as she attempted to go get her keys. Rose shooed us back, "Go to the nearest exit, this is a FIRE!"
Shannan and I turned around defeated. Bummer, I thought, I wore a rain coat today and I actually want to use it. We stand outside in the rain, the bus is opened for anyone who wishes to stay dry. Shannan and I stand there, in the rain, getting wetter and wetter by the second. Why don't we go onto the bus? I suppose because we thought the whole ordeal was a tad ridiculous.
Word quickly spread that the fire was started in the oven, while it was self cleaning. This would be why we thought it was ridiculous. If they'd have asked me, I would have told them to turn it off and the fire will go out. I mean its a no brainer: no heat and no oxygen= some smoke but no fire. But no one asked me, we were just asked to wait outside in the rain for the fire department to come as the building filled with smoke. We all know the fire dept does not respond well in this area.
"Get under an umbrella, dear," someone said to me. I ignored them, what can I say? I am stubborn and thought that maybe if I stayed out in the rain it would all be washed away, like a dream after you wake. I was wrong, instead all I got was a headache and wet hair.
At 12:45 we are told we could go back in. All in all, not too long outside, but all could have been solved if someone had just turned it off in the first place.
I walk to the back and hunt for a brush, I needed to tame this mess I was calling hair. Sr. Janette had one in her desk, you can find everything in her desk. A few weeks back there was this sign in sheet that was missing, we hunted and hunted and hunted for it. Guess where we found it. Buried in a pile on Sr. Janette's desk. I bet if you searched long enough you could find some real gems hidden there.
The director was telling everyone to head home. There was no sense, she said, in inhaling all the smoke. To a point I agree with her, but I have another job to get to.
At one Shannan and I grab our things and head out, by that time it is no longer raining and my rain coat is useless. So much for actually trying to prepare for the elements today.
24 April 2007
Number Trouble
Numbers:
They were always elusive and enigmatic to me in school, but after years of practice and studying I finally began to understand how they worked. I had conquered numbers and I would never forget how they worked
SUCCESS!
Numbers in Action:
I tutor at a GED facility. Of course, everyone needs help with math, because, like me, no one likes numbers. I am initially hesitant because I remember my struggles with algebra and computation. Quickly, though, I gain confidence as I realize that I can actually tutor math. I can do anything! I can teach anything!
An Obstacle Presents Itself:
A woman is working on basic math functions, specifically decimals. She asks if I can help her. “Sure,” I say confidently. I have been working with decimals since I was 7 years old, I should know them by now… I know them all right, but I sure as hell can’t explain them. A college graduate and I can’t for the life of me explain decimals.
Action:
I try explaining, I try drawing pictures, and I even try miming out decimals. I try for about twenty minutes with books and anything else I can think of, before just looking at the woman and admitting that I am not eloquent with decimals. I know them but I just can’t explain them. Maybe she would be better suited learning it from a book, and then asking me questions later.
Resolution:
She walks away with the materials I gave her, while I flop in a chair and sigh a defeated sigh.
I am learning more and more that I have a problem communicating all the thoughts in my head. I often have to say things two or three times to convey completely what I mean to both of my roommates. I have always prides myself with my communication skills, but I suppose we are never as good at something as we think we are.
All I can say is that I’ve never had so many problems explaining things as I have this year at home.
They were always elusive and enigmatic to me in school, but after years of practice and studying I finally began to understand how they worked. I had conquered numbers and I would never forget how they worked
SUCCESS!
Numbers in Action:
I tutor at a GED facility. Of course, everyone needs help with math, because, like me, no one likes numbers. I am initially hesitant because I remember my struggles with algebra and computation. Quickly, though, I gain confidence as I realize that I can actually tutor math. I can do anything! I can teach anything!
An Obstacle Presents Itself:
A woman is working on basic math functions, specifically decimals. She asks if I can help her. “Sure,” I say confidently. I have been working with decimals since I was 7 years old, I should know them by now… I know them all right, but I sure as hell can’t explain them. A college graduate and I can’t for the life of me explain decimals.
Action:
I try explaining, I try drawing pictures, and I even try miming out decimals. I try for about twenty minutes with books and anything else I can think of, before just looking at the woman and admitting that I am not eloquent with decimals. I know them but I just can’t explain them. Maybe she would be better suited learning it from a book, and then asking me questions later.
Resolution:
She walks away with the materials I gave her, while I flop in a chair and sigh a defeated sigh.
I am learning more and more that I have a problem communicating all the thoughts in my head. I often have to say things two or three times to convey completely what I mean to both of my roommates. I have always prides myself with my communication skills, but I suppose we are never as good at something as we think we are.
All I can say is that I’ve never had so many problems explaining things as I have this year at home.
22 April 2007
18 April 2007
The Shot of a Lifetime
I crumpled my notes, what good are they when I have them copied elsewhere. Recycle bin in view, I set up my shot. I toss the paper up and it sails through the air. It hits the edge of the basket. It goes in! SCORE!
Now I can be lazy and finish writing while no one needs my tutoring assistance.
Now I can be lazy and finish writing while no one needs my tutoring assistance.
11 April 2007
Espresso Soda
Apparently espresso soda is an abomination and that you can not say you're a coffee lover if you also drink espresso soda. Espresso soda is two basically good things put together that should not be put together. According to a friend, my judgement as a coffee drinker is obsolete.
now what do you think of that?
now what do you think of that?
05 April 2007
English Streamlined...
A friend sent this to me... thought it was funny:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby Englishwill be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that Englishspelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-inplan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this willmake the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear upkonfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when thetroublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted toreach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have alwaysben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag isdisgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with"z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tuunderstand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby Englishwill be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that Englishspelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-inplan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this willmake the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear upkonfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when thetroublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted toreach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have alwaysben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag isdisgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with"z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tuunderstand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
02 April 2007
Horoscopes, Birth Months, Eye Color, and Personalities
On facebook, and yes I surrendered myself to the pure evil that is facebook (that's another story), my friend posted one of these silly "used to be e-mail chain letters" as a note. It was with regards to eye color and birth month; here is mine:
What always amazes me about these things is how accurate they seem. It's crazy, Like they've picked my brain and found exactly who I am based on my eye color and when I was born. Dude, that's some crazy shit!
If you couldn't pick up on it, I was being completely sarcastic. I mean, what do they do, find everyone with that color eyes or birth month and follow them around for their whole life to determine these common traits? How can someone possibly reduce someones personality to their birth month or eye color? Its just not possible.
Yet, we still see people dumbfounded by the fact that their entire personality (or so they like to believe) is summed up in a little paragraph and classified by their birth month. Let me clue you in: 1. take note that each description is VERY vague and could apply to anyone 2. Most people probably just read their own and fail to realize how vague they all are.
Why do we do this? Why do we have a constant need to want to have answers for every little facet of our existence? I mean I am guilty of it too, but I still wonder why we have this desire to answer all of these little questions about life by boxing ourselves into a little package. Sometimes it's like were trying to solve all the little mysteries about ourselves and about our world before we truly experience it.
To some extent, and the mystics will back me on this one, you have to know yourself in the spiritual and physical realm in order to grow. In turn trying to understand who you are and where your motivations come from are essential to further growth and understanding. I just caution you to not get caught up in these tests and games, and to actually experience and understand as you live.
Hazel Eyes
people with hazel eyes have the best long loving relationships. they're awesome at diversity and trying new things and very rarely will say no to ANY challenge.
August
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone" longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.
What always amazes me about these things is how accurate they seem. It's crazy, Like they've picked my brain and found exactly who I am based on my eye color and when I was born. Dude, that's some crazy shit!
If you couldn't pick up on it, I was being completely sarcastic. I mean, what do they do, find everyone with that color eyes or birth month and follow them around for their whole life to determine these common traits? How can someone possibly reduce someones personality to their birth month or eye color? Its just not possible.
Yet, we still see people dumbfounded by the fact that their entire personality (or so they like to believe) is summed up in a little paragraph and classified by their birth month. Let me clue you in: 1. take note that each description is VERY vague and could apply to anyone 2. Most people probably just read their own and fail to realize how vague they all are.
Why do we do this? Why do we have a constant need to want to have answers for every little facet of our existence? I mean I am guilty of it too, but I still wonder why we have this desire to answer all of these little questions about life by boxing ourselves into a little package. Sometimes it's like were trying to solve all the little mysteries about ourselves and about our world before we truly experience it.
To some extent, and the mystics will back me on this one, you have to know yourself in the spiritual and physical realm in order to grow. In turn trying to understand who you are and where your motivations come from are essential to further growth and understanding. I just caution you to not get caught up in these tests and games, and to actually experience and understand as you live.
28 March 2007
Following Your Heart
I want to be a Filmmaker... any ideas as to how?
I want to travel the world... how can I go about funding it?
I want to travel the world... how can I go about funding it?
27 March 2007
Arts Whaaaat?!
So, staff meeting at Matrix today the BAS funding cuts were mentioned. I already knew about that because my roommate's school was severely affected by the cut in funding, in fact their entire after school program was cut and they now have to figure out how to give their students an after school program with NO money what so ever. Hmm that could be tough. (and less than a week later after all of the programs had canceled all of their grant programs, they reinstated it... pardon my language but how f***ed up is that?!)
This topic snowballed into Michigan politics. A group of Republicans in the Michigan Legislature want to deal with Michigan's debt problems by merely making program cuts... basically cutting Arts, Literature and History out of Michigan. (Again I ask WTF... for the record I have used that word more since I have been in Michigan than any other time in my life.) What is life with out these basic elements? Boring and uncultured...
A few questions come to mind:
I am beginning to think I need to get out of Michigan while I still can.
This topic snowballed into Michigan politics. A group of Republicans in the Michigan Legislature want to deal with Michigan's debt problems by merely making program cuts... basically cutting Arts, Literature and History out of Michigan. (Again I ask WTF... for the record I have used that word more since I have been in Michigan than any other time in my life.) What is life with out these basic elements? Boring and uncultured...
A few questions come to mind:
- why not take cuts from your own fat pay check?
- higher taxes for the good of the community or cutting programs to save money? I go for bettering the community... every time
- Why are you trying to eliminate culturally enriching elements of life? The only good that comes of that is the rich get richer, the poor stay poor and people who once had a voice through these mediums no longer do.... hmmm I see a directional trend here...
I am beginning to think I need to get out of Michigan while I still can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)