I find it interesting that so many who would be in my position would speak totally and completely of their work. I mean a year volunteering should prove most interesting and valuable in terms of life experience. My year is full of valuable experience in that sense, but full of even more in terms of friends and relationships.
I am a people person, thus my most valuable experiences happen with other people as opposed to in the work place. At work, I am learning that I need independence and variety to be content. I will not be content if you give me filing, because there is absolutely nothing challenging about it (for me anyways).
As I have already said, it is the people I meet and the connections I make that prove to be the most valuable to me and my experiences.
18 December 2006
A Christmas to Remember
Fine, we haven't made it to Christmas yet... A weekend to remember, even though there have been A LOT of those this year.
A weekend to remember.
My weekend started on Friday when I joined the every night party at the JV house at 6pm. I ate dinner with them, watched I heart Huckabees with them (thanks to me) and the hung out and played risk with them. Well, I heart Huckabees was me, Josh, Tim and Shannan. the boys and I had seen it before and it was Shannan's first time seeing it. The sheer brilliance of that movie is insurmountable.
We started the game of risk at 11:30ish, the game went on until 3 am. Apparently Josh and I, the two least likely to ever take over the world have pretty good strategies. I build up armies in Australia while he just finds a random country to put troops in. Okay, so I lucked out and ended up getting Australia in the beginning of the game, but still i would have tried for it if I were anywhere close to it. Ya know how it is. Anyways, josh and I were tired of playing so we saw who had the most troops on the board, and called them the winner. Josh won. We then formulated an epic story to tell the others about how the game ended. As legend has it, Josh reinforced his troops to India while i stockpiled in Mongolia. Then we fought to the death and it was Josh's tactile rolling that really saved his troops...
so yeah I am a nerd, but no longer queen of the world. Note to self: despite the fact that I am a novice player, Tim said he would offer me no advice because I won the last game. Tim is a meanie.
the only reason i didn't stay over the JV house on Friday night is because i needed to make cookie dough for the huge cookie making thing on Sunday at my house. SO i went home and got up at 9am to make 5 batches of dough. Around the time Mary was waking up (11ish) josh called and asked if he could come chill at our place until his car was done... so he did. I spent time with josh instead of Mary... woo hoo... josh helped us do recycling and then we took him to Firestone, and went home. i was home for about 10 mins when Shannan called and asked if i wanted to do coffee. I of course said yes since our coffee pot broke that morning... bummer. But a quick coffee outing turned into a 4 hour coffee break. how awesome is that? I got home around 4:30, enough time to shower and eat before leaving at 6:30 to go get gas and see Christmas lights and go to a Christmas party with the JVs. I got home that night around 12:30...
The JVs are fun people and to be quite honest, I feel comfortable enough with them to allow myself to be vulnerable. That says a lot. Isn't that what this year is supposed to be about? Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable? too bad i cant do that at home all the time.
Sunday I woke up, finished my Christmas cards and then worked on Christmas presents for friends and roommates. Anita's I put a lot of time and thought into, Mary's i just made pretty with something very easy to do. When Anita got home we took those 5 batches of dough and the three of us turned them into delectable cookies. Mary's looked like monsters from the way she flattened them... mine looked like cookies. Mary wasn't feeling well, so when she went up stairs, Anita and I finished the cookies and Made the JV gingerbread men. they were awesome... we planned out decorations for each one and then took them over to them. they easily guessed their cookies (which was the point) and they were as excited about them as I was!! I was ecstatic to see that because i was REALLY REALLY excited about them. For me Tim, Josh, Shannan and Elisabeth were easiest to cookieize. :-D YAY for cookie people.
A weekend to remember.
My weekend started on Friday when I joined the every night party at the JV house at 6pm. I ate dinner with them, watched I heart Huckabees with them (thanks to me) and the hung out and played risk with them. Well, I heart Huckabees was me, Josh, Tim and Shannan. the boys and I had seen it before and it was Shannan's first time seeing it. The sheer brilliance of that movie is insurmountable.
We started the game of risk at 11:30ish, the game went on until 3 am. Apparently Josh and I, the two least likely to ever take over the world have pretty good strategies. I build up armies in Australia while he just finds a random country to put troops in. Okay, so I lucked out and ended up getting Australia in the beginning of the game, but still i would have tried for it if I were anywhere close to it. Ya know how it is. Anyways, josh and I were tired of playing so we saw who had the most troops on the board, and called them the winner. Josh won. We then formulated an epic story to tell the others about how the game ended. As legend has it, Josh reinforced his troops to India while i stockpiled in Mongolia. Then we fought to the death and it was Josh's tactile rolling that really saved his troops...
so yeah I am a nerd, but no longer queen of the world. Note to self: despite the fact that I am a novice player, Tim said he would offer me no advice because I won the last game. Tim is a meanie.
the only reason i didn't stay over the JV house on Friday night is because i needed to make cookie dough for the huge cookie making thing on Sunday at my house. SO i went home and got up at 9am to make 5 batches of dough. Around the time Mary was waking up (11ish) josh called and asked if he could come chill at our place until his car was done... so he did. I spent time with josh instead of Mary... woo hoo... josh helped us do recycling and then we took him to Firestone, and went home. i was home for about 10 mins when Shannan called and asked if i wanted to do coffee. I of course said yes since our coffee pot broke that morning... bummer. But a quick coffee outing turned into a 4 hour coffee break. how awesome is that? I got home around 4:30, enough time to shower and eat before leaving at 6:30 to go get gas and see Christmas lights and go to a Christmas party with the JVs. I got home that night around 12:30...
The JVs are fun people and to be quite honest, I feel comfortable enough with them to allow myself to be vulnerable. That says a lot. Isn't that what this year is supposed to be about? Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable? too bad i cant do that at home all the time.
Sunday I woke up, finished my Christmas cards and then worked on Christmas presents for friends and roommates. Anita's I put a lot of time and thought into, Mary's i just made pretty with something very easy to do. When Anita got home we took those 5 batches of dough and the three of us turned them into delectable cookies. Mary's looked like monsters from the way she flattened them... mine looked like cookies. Mary wasn't feeling well, so when she went up stairs, Anita and I finished the cookies and Made the JV gingerbread men. they were awesome... we planned out decorations for each one and then took them over to them. they easily guessed their cookies (which was the point) and they were as excited about them as I was!! I was ecstatic to see that because i was REALLY REALLY excited about them. For me Tim, Josh, Shannan and Elisabeth were easiest to cookieize. :-D YAY for cookie people.
15 December 2006
Take 5
As Christmas draws nearer, I am more thankful than I have ever been before that I have a home to return to for the Holidays. It is not just that I miss my family, missing my family would never prevent me from following my heart. I have learned that in order for me to fulfill my potential I must ever branch outward, and my family understands. That is why I am here in Detroit. No, this time my family and home provide an escape from this crazy life I am living. It has gotten to the point where neither Anita nor I can be ourselves around Mary. We keep our mouths shut so that we wont offend her or say something that can be horribly misconstrued by her. There is no working with her.
Recently she wrote me a very attacking and hurtful note after I did something dumb, and quite frankly embarrassing. Its not that I couldn't admit that I was wrong in the situation, if I maintained that I was right then sure she can attack me all she wants. But I admitted I was wrong and was sorry, that we all make mistakes. When I said how hurtful the letter was, she said good that it was meant to feel that way.
Do you know how much more it hurt when she said that she meant it to hurt? She intended to hurt someone she lives with, when that person made a mistake.
I don't hold grudges, but its going to take a while for me to trust her again. I was just starting to trust her, and then she goes and does something like that. With all the progress the three of us were making with communication between each other, she goes and completely squanders it all with a note... a stupid hurtful note that hurt even more when she said it was meant to. How broken a person do you have to be to make others feel as broken as you.
Let me just say that if I weren't committed to my work, and to Anita, I would pick up and leave. If it were me alone here with Mary, I would pick up and leave. No amount of experience is worth being treated like half a person. Its just sad that when we try to talk to regional coordinators about things, they are blind to everything going wrong. They think that it is just an inability for three people to communicate. What they don't see is that Anita and I get along just fine, we work together just fine, we can tell each other problems we have with one another, we are open to each other. Mary and I, Mary and Anita though are completely closed off... and not for lack of trying. We are afraid to open ourselves up to her because when we do, she deliberately hurts us.
GREAT! I'm in an abusive relationship that I can't get out of unless I quit the program. But, I can't quit, Anita and I promised each other that if nothing else we would be the reason each other stayed in the program. If she goes I go, and visa versa.
SO for this reason I am glad to get away. I get away to the JV house all the time, but I think Virginia Beach is far enough away that for the time being I can relax and just forget about life for a while. That is what I need. Life happens so fast here that I hardly have a chance to blink. If I do I could miss something really grand.
Recently she wrote me a very attacking and hurtful note after I did something dumb, and quite frankly embarrassing. Its not that I couldn't admit that I was wrong in the situation, if I maintained that I was right then sure she can attack me all she wants. But I admitted I was wrong and was sorry, that we all make mistakes. When I said how hurtful the letter was, she said good that it was meant to feel that way.
Do you know how much more it hurt when she said that she meant it to hurt? She intended to hurt someone she lives with, when that person made a mistake.
I don't hold grudges, but its going to take a while for me to trust her again. I was just starting to trust her, and then she goes and does something like that. With all the progress the three of us were making with communication between each other, she goes and completely squanders it all with a note... a stupid hurtful note that hurt even more when she said it was meant to. How broken a person do you have to be to make others feel as broken as you.
Let me just say that if I weren't committed to my work, and to Anita, I would pick up and leave. If it were me alone here with Mary, I would pick up and leave. No amount of experience is worth being treated like half a person. Its just sad that when we try to talk to regional coordinators about things, they are blind to everything going wrong. They think that it is just an inability for three people to communicate. What they don't see is that Anita and I get along just fine, we work together just fine, we can tell each other problems we have with one another, we are open to each other. Mary and I, Mary and Anita though are completely closed off... and not for lack of trying. We are afraid to open ourselves up to her because when we do, she deliberately hurts us.
GREAT! I'm in an abusive relationship that I can't get out of unless I quit the program. But, I can't quit, Anita and I promised each other that if nothing else we would be the reason each other stayed in the program. If she goes I go, and visa versa.
SO for this reason I am glad to get away. I get away to the JV house all the time, but I think Virginia Beach is far enough away that for the time being I can relax and just forget about life for a while. That is what I need. Life happens so fast here that I hardly have a chance to blink. If I do I could miss something really grand.
14 December 2006
An Interesting Observation
I don't know what it is about Detroit, but I think I am losing weight. My pants that fit me perfectly before I left are now loose enough for me to pull down without unbuttoning them... not that you care really, but you tend to notice when you seem to have gone down a whole pant size in a matter of 4 months without meaning too. Not that I am complaining, but it is just peculiar.
12 December 2006
Fun After Dark
Instead of hitting the town and going to the really chique Martini Bar where there are half off drinks on Monday Night, myself, Anita, Shannan, Tim and Elizabeth spent our Monday night playing the Game settlers at My house. Okay so board games are kinda dorky, but ultimately fun... and with this one you can take revenge and be manipulative and vindictive as you never are in real life.
While Anita explained the game to the group (Tim helped her), I made Hot Coco or Cider for everyone at the table. As per usual, I end up getting to put down my pieces last which is fun because then I get to put two in a row. I planned my game as such: I secured my two settlements with roads and then proceeded to build out further until I had the longest road. Once I secured places with my roads, I would then build up settlements and cities and hopefully win the game.
Wouldn't you know Tim, he got mad at me for squandering a settlement he wanted to make and decided to take it out on my longest road... he took my longest road. Sadness. every time I was the robber after that I took it out on Tim.
Shannan and Elizabeth, though they were newbies to the game, played very well. I was impressed and even though I won the first time I played... it was completely accidental. So i commend them on their outstanding playing.
Anita ended up winning... as she always does, of course because she had played the game the longest. One of us will beat her one day soon... one day soon. Tim was actually upset when Anita won... okay so i lie... it was all fun and games.
On a side note: this particular day had been very good for me and I was on cloud 9 when i got home. I had been listening to a new CD I made and dancing around to the songs. Then, when Anita got home, i was laying on the couch with a grin on my face and in a position that she said looked like i was in love and had just been proposed to. What a wonder it is to fall in love with life again. I try to find a reason to fall in love with life every day... for what ever reason that may be. No, at the moment there is no guy in my life, for anyone who read that last blog... therefore i am not actually in love with a person (in case you were wondering). Not saying there is no possibility of it, but not right now.
Much love and fall in love with life :-)
While Anita explained the game to the group (Tim helped her), I made Hot Coco or Cider for everyone at the table. As per usual, I end up getting to put down my pieces last which is fun because then I get to put two in a row. I planned my game as such: I secured my two settlements with roads and then proceeded to build out further until I had the longest road. Once I secured places with my roads, I would then build up settlements and cities and hopefully win the game.
Wouldn't you know Tim, he got mad at me for squandering a settlement he wanted to make and decided to take it out on my longest road... he took my longest road. Sadness. every time I was the robber after that I took it out on Tim.
Shannan and Elizabeth, though they were newbies to the game, played very well. I was impressed and even though I won the first time I played... it was completely accidental. So i commend them on their outstanding playing.
Anita ended up winning... as she always does, of course because she had played the game the longest. One of us will beat her one day soon... one day soon. Tim was actually upset when Anita won... okay so i lie... it was all fun and games.
On a side note: this particular day had been very good for me and I was on cloud 9 when i got home. I had been listening to a new CD I made and dancing around to the songs. Then, when Anita got home, i was laying on the couch with a grin on my face and in a position that she said looked like i was in love and had just been proposed to. What a wonder it is to fall in love with life again. I try to find a reason to fall in love with life every day... for what ever reason that may be. No, at the moment there is no guy in my life, for anyone who read that last blog... therefore i am not actually in love with a person (in case you were wondering). Not saying there is no possibility of it, but not right now.
Much love and fall in love with life :-)
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