Do you ever wonder where you might be if you chose a different path? If the tiniest detail in your existence were changed? Would you still be where you are today? Or, would those changes be enough to throw the world we know into a black hole and result in some alternate existence? Are we fated to still accomplish the same things in life no matter our history?
I began pondering this idea again after seeing the new Star Trek movie, truthfully though its a constant thought in my head. The movie proposes, much like the Butterfly Effect, that changing something in the past can spin the the rest of existence into an alternate reality. Can that alternate reality actually exist? Will one change really cause that much of a disturbance in the fabric of time? Will it completely change our fate?
What if it doesn't actually change anything but the minor details? I have always been a firm believer in the idea of fate and free will working together. I think that though we may have certain destinies we need to fulfill, the way in which we reach that destiny is entirely up to us. Star Trek puts forth a similar happenstance, though the pasts of the characters were eternally altered, they still ultimately achieved their destiny. Similarly in the Butterfly Effect, the main character ultimately determined that the only way everyone else would be able to achieve their personal destinies was if he did not exist.
I may not be making myself clear, and certain friends might be able to pick their way through my theories, but what if all the choices we make are ultimately leading us to our destiny. This would eliminate some aspects of free will, rather our destiny is set where our path is not. We live in a world where many paths lay before us. Perhaps in the way that in ancient times all roads led to Rome, perhaps all the choices we make will ultimately lead us to where we need to be. Perhaps the circumstances and obstacles placed in our way are a result of previous choices made, and exist to help us in some way reach out goal.
It's not taking away free will per se, its just saying that we all have some innate and unconscious destiny we are working to reach. If we are unconsciously working toward something, how do we know if we have free will? If we are choosing to do things, based on some innate desire we have to achieve this unconscious destiny, is it really the lack of free will when we still have all the same choices available to us?
To throw out a curve ball as I close: If our personality is innate, and we make choices by what comes natural to us, and we are innately working towards some destiny, how do we then define free will?
28 May 2009
23 May 2009
Two months ago was the last time I ate meat. Seriously. It started unconsciously, I wanted to get into shape and was thus eating more tofu and alternative forms of protein. Two weeks into it I realized what was happening and decided to see how long I could last. I decided to consciously weed meat out of my diet, fish not included.
Now two months in, I feel great. I have never before felt lighter and more energized. My body is no longer bogged down by the heaviness I often felt when meat was a regular part of my diet. In turn I have also tried to weed out unnecessary calories like excessive bread, too many sweets, etc. My new regime is not to try and lose weight. I am 5'1", 125lbs (last I weighed myself). I have no health need to lose weight, so I'm not trying to. I am not denying my body of these options, if I find myself craving something I have tried to weed out, I indulge a little. If I'm craving it, there is apparently something in my diet that is lacking. When I walk to the kitchen at work, I often choose a piece of fruit to accompany my mid-morning cookie, sometimes I only choose fruit.
To anyone who knows me, this is a stretch of the imagination. What happened to the Maura who loved her burgers and fries, who couldn't say no to a cookie or piece of cake, who could sit and eat a sleeve of girl scout cookies in one sitting, who used to indulge in a soda from time to time, who loved her pasta dishes?
Believe me she is still here. I still love all these things, but not in the way I used to. If i ate pasta every day, I'd be very sleepy. If I ate more than one or two cookies a day, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. If I eat food that's too greasy, my body wants to rebel. Me who has never objected to a good burger place, only yesterday opted against 5 Guys for a healthier sandwich place.
The one thing that dabbling in vegetarianism has done for me is made me very aware of the foods I put into my body. Yes, I still love french fries, sweets and all those other foods that are terrible for us. The thing is, I have to be very sure that by taking one thing out of my diet, I compensate for those nutrients in other ways. As I am running and working out almost every day, I need to make sure my body is capable of doing so.
For the first time ever, my body and I are on a great streak for communication. It tells me what it needs (more sleep, more iron, more water, less of anything etc...) and I make sure it gets it. In return, it makes sure I am capable of pulling the hours I know I can pull. When I am at my best, I wake up at 5am, do yoga, shower, leave the apt, write for an hour, go to work, get off after a 12hr shift, run for an hour, go home, journal, sleep and repeat. Insert social time, movies and TV when necessary.
How do I do it all? I donno, sheer determination I guess. It just goes to show you that even when you have hours as long as I have at work, if you want it enough you have all the time in the world.
As for my new lifestyle choice as a vegetarian, do I think it will stick? For a while yes, I think it will stick. There will come a day down the road where I will break down for a really nice steak or burger (and it will be nothing shy of the best). Until then though I am going to continue this regime for me, if for nothing else than to do something really good for my body for once.
Since January 1st of this year, I have been making a lot of life style choices that involve me committing to a certain routine, a new way of life. All is for the better, but I am committing myself to living in a way I never dreamed possible. It could all be temporary, but I am determined to get the most out of my time here, as much as I can out of every day. I am determined to try new things, broaden my horizons and allow myself to be forever changed by it.
When I say I am vegetarian, I am not closing myself off to eating meat ever again; I am opening my mind to a new way of living, eating and taking care of myself. These decisions help me take an active role in living a healthier, fuller life in the midst of a society that often doesn't have the time to think in such terms.
Now two months in, I feel great. I have never before felt lighter and more energized. My body is no longer bogged down by the heaviness I often felt when meat was a regular part of my diet. In turn I have also tried to weed out unnecessary calories like excessive bread, too many sweets, etc. My new regime is not to try and lose weight. I am 5'1", 125lbs (last I weighed myself). I have no health need to lose weight, so I'm not trying to. I am not denying my body of these options, if I find myself craving something I have tried to weed out, I indulge a little. If I'm craving it, there is apparently something in my diet that is lacking. When I walk to the kitchen at work, I often choose a piece of fruit to accompany my mid-morning cookie, sometimes I only choose fruit.
To anyone who knows me, this is a stretch of the imagination. What happened to the Maura who loved her burgers and fries, who couldn't say no to a cookie or piece of cake, who could sit and eat a sleeve of girl scout cookies in one sitting, who used to indulge in a soda from time to time, who loved her pasta dishes?
Believe me she is still here. I still love all these things, but not in the way I used to. If i ate pasta every day, I'd be very sleepy. If I ate more than one or two cookies a day, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. If I eat food that's too greasy, my body wants to rebel. Me who has never objected to a good burger place, only yesterday opted against 5 Guys for a healthier sandwich place.
The one thing that dabbling in vegetarianism has done for me is made me very aware of the foods I put into my body. Yes, I still love french fries, sweets and all those other foods that are terrible for us. The thing is, I have to be very sure that by taking one thing out of my diet, I compensate for those nutrients in other ways. As I am running and working out almost every day, I need to make sure my body is capable of doing so.
For the first time ever, my body and I are on a great streak for communication. It tells me what it needs (more sleep, more iron, more water, less of anything etc...) and I make sure it gets it. In return, it makes sure I am capable of pulling the hours I know I can pull. When I am at my best, I wake up at 5am, do yoga, shower, leave the apt, write for an hour, go to work, get off after a 12hr shift, run for an hour, go home, journal, sleep and repeat. Insert social time, movies and TV when necessary.
How do I do it all? I donno, sheer determination I guess. It just goes to show you that even when you have hours as long as I have at work, if you want it enough you have all the time in the world.
As for my new lifestyle choice as a vegetarian, do I think it will stick? For a while yes, I think it will stick. There will come a day down the road where I will break down for a really nice steak or burger (and it will be nothing shy of the best). Until then though I am going to continue this regime for me, if for nothing else than to do something really good for my body for once.
Since January 1st of this year, I have been making a lot of life style choices that involve me committing to a certain routine, a new way of life. All is for the better, but I am committing myself to living in a way I never dreamed possible. It could all be temporary, but I am determined to get the most out of my time here, as much as I can out of every day. I am determined to try new things, broaden my horizons and allow myself to be forever changed by it.
When I say I am vegetarian, I am not closing myself off to eating meat ever again; I am opening my mind to a new way of living, eating and taking care of myself. These decisions help me take an active role in living a healthier, fuller life in the midst of a society that often doesn't have the time to think in such terms.
19 May 2009
Passed Down Through Words
So maybe I'm not the best storyteller. My friends say I put in way too much detail, and where they heart me for it there are always details I could easily leave out. They often say to me "get to the point," long before I am actually done. Why do I continue to do so when I know my friends stop listening half way through?
Partially, and I won't lie, I like listening to my self speak. Alternatively, the details are what's important to me. The end of the story really doesn't matter. If they did, my weekend stories would often play out something like this:
So, that might be a little extreme in my description, but at the same time when you leave detail out it reduces any adventure to mere structure. Its not the skin and bones that really interests me, its the journey of how I got from point A to point B, and stopping at Q, Z, H, P and M on the way. In many ways, no its not logical, and it sometimes prevents me from getting straight to the point when I actually need to.
When it comes down to it, I don't care that I went from my personal errands to an art show. I care about the minor adventure we had getting lost on the subway on the way there. I don't care that I went to a movie. I care that my friend and I missed the showing we wanted to see, bought tickets for the later show and then went to Virgin Mega Store where I bought a funny teeshirt.
Crazy, yes. The in between details are what makes the journey interesting. So many things happen to me unexpectedly that I tend to focus and attach myself to those moments rather than the things I had planned to do. So the main point of my day may have been to go to the movies, but I can do that every day. I like focusing on the parts of my adventures that make my day unique.
Though we might get into the same old routine, its the way you look at life that makes it interesting. I never just "wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep." If I did, my life would be hella boring. Instead my day might go "wake up, do yoga, shower, choose my daily costume, write for an hour before work, go to work, flirt with cute boys in the office, joke with my coworkers, take lunch orders from hell, grab my afternoon cup of coffee, be shocked by my Boss's occasional random and hysterical comments, go for an evening run, push myself too hard, take a walk to the subway station I usually transfer at, read on the train on the way home, get home, talk to roomies, journal, watch tv and go to bed."
No one actually cares about everything I did there, but what's more interesting? Mine or the skin and bones? Not to be full of myself, but mine.
Life itself, if we just go through the motions is reduced to skin and bones. We start to forget how to look for the more interesting parts, to look for the little things that will make us fall in love with our world every single day. Part of the problem is that we live in a very formulaic, product driven world. We want results and often over look the steps it took to get there. We pretend like we really understand how we got that result, and everything turns into something less that what it could be. If it doesn't produce results, we don't care and we move on with out giving second thought to what went wrong. Perhaps I think too much.
Maybe that's this world's problem. We get stuck in a routine, life starts to bog us down, everything becomes mediocre, and then we end up settling on something less than our own desires because that is all we know anymore.
Is this any way to live?
It is, perhaps, time for us to stop getting to the point and adding a little detail back in to our stories.
Partially, and I won't lie, I like listening to my self speak. Alternatively, the details are what's important to me. The end of the story really doesn't matter. If they did, my weekend stories would often play out something like this:
- Friday I met up with some friends for drinks, we went to one of my friends parties, grabbed a late night snack and went home.
- Saturday I woke up, ran, did some errands, met up with a friend to go to an art show and hung out the rest of the day.
- Sunday I woke up, ran, dabbled around my room until it was late enough to call my friends, went to a movie, and hung out.
So, that might be a little extreme in my description, but at the same time when you leave detail out it reduces any adventure to mere structure. Its not the skin and bones that really interests me, its the journey of how I got from point A to point B, and stopping at Q, Z, H, P and M on the way. In many ways, no its not logical, and it sometimes prevents me from getting straight to the point when I actually need to.
When it comes down to it, I don't care that I went from my personal errands to an art show. I care about the minor adventure we had getting lost on the subway on the way there. I don't care that I went to a movie. I care that my friend and I missed the showing we wanted to see, bought tickets for the later show and then went to Virgin Mega Store where I bought a funny teeshirt.
Crazy, yes. The in between details are what makes the journey interesting. So many things happen to me unexpectedly that I tend to focus and attach myself to those moments rather than the things I had planned to do. So the main point of my day may have been to go to the movies, but I can do that every day. I like focusing on the parts of my adventures that make my day unique.
Though we might get into the same old routine, its the way you look at life that makes it interesting. I never just "wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep." If I did, my life would be hella boring. Instead my day might go "wake up, do yoga, shower, choose my daily costume, write for an hour before work, go to work, flirt with cute boys in the office, joke with my coworkers, take lunch orders from hell, grab my afternoon cup of coffee, be shocked by my Boss's occasional random and hysterical comments, go for an evening run, push myself too hard, take a walk to the subway station I usually transfer at, read on the train on the way home, get home, talk to roomies, journal, watch tv and go to bed."
No one actually cares about everything I did there, but what's more interesting? Mine or the skin and bones? Not to be full of myself, but mine.
Life itself, if we just go through the motions is reduced to skin and bones. We start to forget how to look for the more interesting parts, to look for the little things that will make us fall in love with our world every single day. Part of the problem is that we live in a very formulaic, product driven world. We want results and often over look the steps it took to get there. We pretend like we really understand how we got that result, and everything turns into something less that what it could be. If it doesn't produce results, we don't care and we move on with out giving second thought to what went wrong. Perhaps I think too much.
Maybe that's this world's problem. We get stuck in a routine, life starts to bog us down, everything becomes mediocre, and then we end up settling on something less than our own desires because that is all we know anymore.
Is this any way to live?
It is, perhaps, time for us to stop getting to the point and adding a little detail back in to our stories.
07 May 2009
Running in Slow Motion
It's peculiar, the reasons we start projects for ourselves. Our motivation, our drive, our desire is spurred from the most interesting thoughts and for that we are never the same. A little less than two months ago I decided I was going to run a half marathon, having never attempted to run any kind of race before in my life. A month in a half into training and I am still asking myself "What was I thinking?"
Don't get me wrong, training is going very well. After hardly being able to stand running a minute without walking when I first started again this year, I am up to 2o minutes solid. For me that is amazing because even last year when I ran pretty consistently, I could only run a mile at my best.
My runs are getting longer and longer, I feel like I could go on forever most days and never stop. Of course I have to, but after a year and some change of trying to find a proper breathing method for me its nice to have reached a point where I don't want to stop.
What can I say, I have decided to go the distance. Truth be told, I have never felt more alive in my life. I love that I am actually working toward something, something I never thought I would be able to do. For the first time in a while I feel I am actually working for me and only me. For that I feel amazing.
Its not often that I find something I want to commit to for so long. To be quite honest I am the one who has a million projects started at once because I can't commit to just one. Its not that I don't want to, I just have so much I want to do that I don't want to leave anything out.
Its not often that I find something I want to commit to for so long. To be quite honest I am the one who has a million projects started at once because I can't commit to just one. Its not that I don't want to, I just have so much I want to do that I don't want to leave anything out.
I am diligent and determined with my training. This is the first time I can remember where I have been completely devoted to a training for myself and no one but myself, normally I have to have other people involved. If I can really commit myself to 6 months of training, I think I will have proven to myself that I can commit to anything once I put my mind to it.
I joke myself about not being able to commit, whether its to a secure job, to a boyfriend, to choosing clothes in the AM, to making dinner choices. I hate committing to anything because it rules out possibilities.
I joke myself about not being able to commit, whether its to a secure job, to a boyfriend, to choosing clothes in the AM, to making dinner choices. I hate committing to anything because it rules out possibilities.
The problem with too many possibilities is that it never allows you to focus. If my training has taught me one thing, its that once you are really able to focus time slows down and you become able to see what it is you're striving for. It's like for those moments, time slows down and you have all the time in the world again.
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