Life as an Office Squatter

I have no desk, and thus no home at MEP. Normally this is an easy problem to handle, when I am tutoring I don't need a desk. The problem arises when we have breaks where, even though there is nothing to do, I have to come in. How do I pretend to be busy when I don't have a desk to sit at?

Simple answer: You become an Office Squatter

What exactly is an office squatter you ask? You know the concept of a squatter, a person who takes up residence in a home or office with out actually having permission. Same deal here, only with office desks and computers.

When I first arrive at MEP, I immediately go to the office cubicle area and assess which desks are currently taken and which aren't. Problem, I don't know who comes in when. I start with Shannan's desk, she and I now technically "share" a desk since I was evicted from mine when we hired a new staff member.
I turn on the computer and as its loading up, Shannan walks in... Damn. I grab my stuff and sit down at Sr. Janette's desk. She won't be in for an hour. I quickly get to work at pretending to be busy, namely doing job searching. At 10 in walks Sr. Janette and she looks at me confused. "Oh," I say, " I didn't know you'd be in today. Let me just get my things and get out of the way."

I save my stuff, shoot off my e-mails and move on. My next stop is Lisa's desk, my former desk. She's not in yet, so I can easily sit there for a while. She arrives far sooner than I anticipated and my perfect place for folding pamphlets is gone. I am deskless yet again.

I grab the pamphlets I just printed off and park in the middle of the floor in the most inconvenient location possible. I am hoping my actions will make a statement, no statement made though. Shannan just joins me to help get the job done.

Lunch is an easy time to avoid the desk squatting problem, Shannan and I sit outside and placidly eat our lunch in the sun. Yummm. No desk needed for that.

Afterwards I am back to square one. Who is missing from where. Everyone is still in place, but Sr. Janette makes the move to go work in the conference room. I move in for the take. I am here about 5 minutes before she notices and I innocently ask, "do you need your desk for something?"

She concedes and lets me have of for the 15 minutes I am still here for today.

Office Squatter lives to fight another day! Tomorrow I'm bringing my laptop...

Trypanophobia

I am afraid of needles. Not just afraid, but terrified. Involuntarily I tense up and have erratic breathing. I cant relax, I panic and tears well up in my eyes. I literally need someone with me to hold my hand or hold me down when I have to get shots, or need blood work or something of the sort.


Why am I afraid of needles? I don't know, I have my speculations, but I don't think there is one, single root of this fear. Fear is funny that way. The smallest incident can leave you broken for life, unable to trust someone when they tell you it wont hurt, unable to bring yourself to take risks to break away from this fear. In this way it leaves you crippled.

Fear just increases every time you experience it. Nothing changes, because the person attempting to draw you out of the fear doesn't know how to approach it, how to handle it. No one cares enough to take time and figure out what you need to help you rise above the fear; they don't even care enough when you're screaming it at them.

The only cure for Fear is time, and support. With time you can ease yourself into trusting again. With support, someone is there with you, encouraging you, being patient with your irrationality, and waiting with you until you're ready to risk rising above the fear.

I was rushed into a shot, I panicked and now have lost some of my trust again... Now its just going to take time, and working myself up to risking again.

My Simple Dress

So this has been a project of mine since February. I got this skirt for free that was too big and so i turned it into a cute little dress.

I am the queen of making plans and I never actually keep.... Something always comes up, a new opportunity poses itself, or I just chicken out.

Whats it going to take for the time to be right?



Sometimes you have to set everything aside: fear and others, and just jump, see where you land. Are you ready to take the plunge?