Graciousness is a Virtue

Sometimes its hard to keep your eyes on whats really important when you're so caught up in the world around you. In this freelance world its all business: how can I make myself more marketable, what is the best course of action for me, how can I benefit? Its hard not tho let it become some egotistical power trip. There are ups, and there are downs; but mostly you just think of how to get what you want.

At times I become so hyper focused on my goals, where I want to be, and how I want to shape my career that it makes it hard to see the bright side offers. I had two offers on the table recently for jobs, neither exactly what I wanted but in different ways what I needed. Both were in Connecticut, both had ups and downs, and neither was want I was after right now. Because it wasn't what I was looking for, I couldn't see the bright side. I accepted one, but remained apprehensive about it the entire time. It was only when one of my friends on the other project told me she was a little jealous of me, getting to work with new people in a new position, that i really realized how lucky I am.

Not only do I have opportunities with my same crew, but also with new people who take chances on me based on past work. What more could I ask for? I've always said I wanted to travel for my work, well here's my chance!

The more I thought about it the more I realized that it wasn't that I was ungrateful for the opportunities. It wasn't that I was apprehensive really about the opportunities. I was stuck in between the two because taking one of these means limiting possibilities of another kind. What can I say? When your world is built around maximizing possibilities, it feels a little claustrophobic when you have to start limiting yourself.

Am I afraid I will miss out on something? Am I afraid of missed opportunities? Everything I might miss will be waiting for me when I get back. Friends will be here when I get back. Life will be here when I get back. I have never been one to put life on hold because I was afraid of missing something... maybe I just stall a little.

Any door I am meant to pass through will still be open, or will be opened again. If its meant to be, nothing is ever truly closed. I am one who likes to play by my rules and on my schedule. In the long run, though, its out of my control, always has been and always will be out of my control. And, even though I try to feign control, its never been mine to control.

Never take any opportunity for granted and just have faith in knowing that whats meant to be will be...

Stuck Between a Rock and Well... Something Else Entirely

Why do I always find myself stuck? Stuck in situations I can't quite get out of with out some help. Yet I continue to play around and try to solve it myself. It never works and I end up with a splitting head ache. Hence the rock and something else.

Add one more to the Books

A year ago I said "this will be a good year..."


Good was an understatement, great would even be an understatement. This past year I have grown more than I had over the previous 5 years. I attribute that fact to having never really been on my own before. I won't lie I led a sheltered life. Detroit cracked open that hard shell I had been encapselated in and New York has helped me to grow and fulfill the me I'm supposed to be.

Power vs Responsibility

So on my walk to the train tonight I over heard a conversation discussing subway conductors and other public works employees. The parties involved in the discussion made mention of how cool they thought it was for these employees to strike at the busiest times. They suggested that even for an hour during rush hour (or some equivalent) would be a reminder to everyone of who actually holds the power.

I'm all for fair work conditions, and equal rights/ respect across industries... but that got me thinking. So much of today's society is about power. Who has the most power? Who can challenge power/ authority? etc...

I have made my fair share of decisions the challenge authority and push limits, but there is a distinct difference between challenging and disrupting the flow of things. Every once in a while a disruption is necessary, when clear points NEED to be made or when people are being abused. But on a normal basis, disruptions to simply exhibit power are not necessary.

An ideal society works best when everyone is doing their job to the best of their ability. It needs to be viewed as a well oiled machine as opposed to a power structure. When every one does their part, life moves on and we are able to make the most progress. Disruptions only hinder progress.

Unfortunately in this day and age, especially in this society, it all revolves around power. This in turn raises a whole new set of issues...