What Being Wanted Can Do

So the director here at matrix comes up to me and says we have a position here for you if you want to stay (before it was only in theory, you know planting the seed). We want to offer it to you first...

I said no, that I really cant stay... as much as I love it here, I feel I need to go (in a much more Maura way of course)

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I am quite possibly insane, most would take a job (even americorps) if flat out offered to them. I am not most people. Its a great feeling to know that I am wanted here for all I have been to the theatre this year. I personally think I have gained so much more than I could ever give back... maybe I am wrong.

For the first time in my life though I really have focus... I have always said I wanted to get into production, but what steps have I taken? None until this year. Since about April I have been going head strong on this mission, and I will succeed.

I know this because there is a place I am wanted, here in Michigan. Just knowing that I am wanted, somewhere where I enjoy working doing things I love doing, makes me think that if this is the response I get when I love the field, imagine what possibilities will open when I am pursuing my dreams.

Until recently, I couldn't give a straight answer as to whether or not I wanted to leave Detroit. And now look at me, I am planning to move to NYC. I am making adult decisions, turning down job offers and really taking hold of my life.

I couldn't have done that with out this year here, and now I am off to make my dreams a reality.

Community and MVC Goes Down the Whole

So much for the MVC support system. I try and address a general concern that the old lady roommate may be an alcoholic who is mixing medications and alcohol, she says "What you need to decide for yourself is what you can do for yourself about having a good rest of the year." This statement was followed by her basically saying that maybe Anita and I need to try to include Mary more because often what drives people to drink is the lack of something... possibly community. Tell Mary to F*ing try first, I am tried of trying.

The Musical Love of My Life

Travis:

What a to do...

Hard work and dedication often produce quality results. Saturday was Matrix's New Day Festival. I wish I could say it went off without a hitch. What fun would it have been if it did though?

With MeadowMorphosis there were many hitches, we had to teach two kids the caterpillar dance the morning of because the caterpillar's mother decided they couldn't make it. The deer forgot her choreography, the grandmother rushed her lines, the child was violently ill but still wanted to go on, our bear arrived 10 minutes before we had to go on.

Did I have time to panic? No, I just had time to make it work.

Did the audience notice? Nope, as far as they were concerned it was as we rehearsed it.

That show business for you: you rehearse, you perform and its over... just like that. The insanity and build up is crazy, and the release incredible. When its all over you look back and wonder how you were able to pull it all off.


The first annual New Day Festival was a success, despite rain, no bathrooms and no power. Matrix is at the brink of something that will go on for a long time to come, and build community along the way.

In the pack up, I said I might come back next year for it if I'm not doing anything. Elaine told me to stop, to stop saying I'm going to do things or want to do things when I know better than anyone else that I am not staying.

She's right, she's absolutely right. I can say I am going to be here all I want, but the truth of the matter is I'm going to pursue my dreams. My dream is not to stay here, I love it but its not me. And I need to stop making idle promises I know I can never keep. My heart is in the right place, but my heart needs something else right now.

Sitcoms and Life

So many of us watch sitcoms or prime time drama and wonder where the writers come up with those outlandish stories. I would like to propose that these shows are not as far fetched as we all like to think they are. Here's the set up: these shows air once a week for approximately twenty weeks out of the year. There are breaks in between airings, so its not even twenty consecutive weeks. What happens then is that there remains one hour to cover two weeks of drama, of course it will seem like A LOT of drama.

Honestly, if you took the drama from my roommates, the JVs and me (that's 11 people total, about the normal cast of a sitcom) from two weeks, exaggerated it ever so slightly, interconnected it, and squashed it all together, you could come up with a sitcom seeming more outlandish than Grey's Anatomy.

Dream Big and Fly Away

What would you do to be able to follow your dreams, to live your dreams? I work everyday with women who are trying to make their dreams reality. They of course have more simple dreams than becoming a filmmaker and designer. They just want to earn their G.E.D. and be able to support their families better than they have been able to support them thus far.

What a joy to dream so simply, and what a luxury to dream big. Everyday I am reminded how lucky I am to be able to have dreams, and nothing to hold me back. How I wish I could just give my students what they want. This would never work out though, because what they want is to be self sufficient, able to learn, and pass the G.E.D. on their own.

Everyday I battle their nerve.
"I'm stupid," one will say when they do something incorrectly.
"I need you," they say when I see that they've mastered something.
Constantly, I tell them that they are not stupid, that they know how to do the problem on their own. Truthfully they do, they just need to believe that they can. Half the time I sit there and make them explain to me what they are doing, and 8 out of 10 times they already know how to do it.

I can only imagine what it must have been like to grow up, consistently being told I'm not good enough, or smart enough. The thought of generations of negative reinforcement terrifies me. I know I have a tendency to be hard on myself, but that’s because I know I CAN do better. So often I wonder if my students have ever been told they matter. I try to encourage them every day because I know that with enough drive, they can do anything. My heart sinks a little every time one drops out, but the ones who accomplish their goals keep me going, keep me pushing them to do their best.

Robert Browning said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?" If nothing else this year, I hope that I can instill this in my students. They need not settle for less than they deserve because they can accomplish anything as long at they stick to it.

It's not so much the dreams we have that matter, it’s that we dream at all.

A Shakespearean Comedy Foiled by the Blasted Enneagram

I had been excited for two weeks about seeing Shakespeare's The Twelfth Night. You see it is by far my favorite of Shakespeare's comedies. Even more so, I was excited to share this play, this experience, with my roommate... The good one. When I find movies, plays, books, television shows or music enjoyable, I want to share them with the world. Its a "share the wealth" kind of thing.

The show was cute, not the best version I have ever seen, but cute. For children's theatre, I would expect nothing more than cute. Feste was a trite character, but otherwise I enjoyed the show and so did my roommate.

On the way home, she asks the infamous question: "What do you love about Twelfth Night?"

It took me a little while to answer it, I haven't really thought about this play academically in a while.

My reasons are these:

• It shows the true nature of unrequited love from all perspectives.
• Feste the fool by far the wisest character, and depending on how it is staged can almost seem to oversee and instigate what happens in the play.
• Viola is such a strong female character and I have always found it selfless, the way she is willing to woo Olivia for Orsino even though she is in love with him. She wants him to be happy, it pains her to see his heart ache.
• There is a moment where Viola realizes how things have become tangled in a knot and says out loud to the powers that be, that she is leaving it up to fate to untangle the matter. In this way the play is very mystical but not overtly magical as in a Midsummer's Night Dream. I like the alternative title better: What You Will.
• It shows woman's superiority in regards to love, the woman always gets what she wants.
• It was the first Shakespeare show I saw staged... what could be a better reason.

My roommate chose to hear that it was my favorite play (its not... its my favorite comedy... Henry IV is my fav play), and that I thought it illustrated the true nature of love... (can anyone tell me what is wrong with this thought?)

Anyways, she then went on to say that it is clear I am a 7 because my favorite show is a comedy and I feel it illustrates the true nature of love... STOP REDUCING EVERYTHING TO A STUPID PERSONALITY INDICATOR!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a tool not the end all be all.