A New Way to Be Human

Sunday at my brother's Goddaughter's Baptism, he made an interesting comment. He said that (his best friend's wife) had started the process of humanizing his best friend and (his daughter) completed it.


I feel like life, after a time, hardens you. In many ways we lose touch with the things that really make us human, we become desensitized and forget what it is to really feel. When I first moved to Detroit the first thing they told us was to give to organizations, not people. We were to not fall for sob stories from those we worked with. The only way we could ever do good was to detach ourselves.


This mindset followed me through to New York. I had to desensitize myself to the world around me in effort to connect on a different level. The question was, what level was I trying to connect on. I was no longer working in the public service sector, I wasn't being altruistic, I was merely working for myself and for my own causes. This has been a constant debate in my head since then.


For the first time in a long time, I actually feel connected to my world again. I feel like I am part of something grander, like something is constantly moving me forward. This is the first time that my heart is in the game in a long while. I don't know if its the philosophy books I'm reading, the spiritual discussions I have been having, the existential nature of the stories I read


Alas, recently a friend walks into the room and asks rhetorically, "do you ever feel like you want something more in your life? I mean, like beyond just money, not religion just something spiritual."


My answer: "Yes, all the time, but the difference between you and me is that I actually care to try and make it happen. You need to do more than say you're going to do something, you need conviction." I didn't actually say that to her, that would have been mean. Words with out action are meaningless. Therefore this friend is meaningless.


When everything she does, everything she says, every way she acts indicates that she is still the same person concerned merely with money and never having enough, how am I supposed to think she actually wants to change?


I have never been particularly interested in money, as long as I have enough to pay rent and bills each month, I am happy. Really, though its only been recently that I could recognize just how realistic I have lived my time here in NYC. Only now can I see that I actually live my life in a way to connect as much as possible. Some where along the way I guess I found my own way to reconnect with the world I became so detached from.

Mass Chaos and All Things Religious

This rambling is a week out, but still I feel it needs to be said.

Last week was Easter, and though I am on a spiritual journey at the moment I grew up Catholic and thus desire to pay reverence at certain points of the year. I mean Easter is the crux of the Christian religion, how could it not be important to attend. I have not reduced myself to an Easter/Christmas Catholic, I don't think I ever could. Right now I have just been doing a lot of critical thinking about my faith and what I truly believe, hence I have been turning my head with Philosophy books and Anthropology articles trying to get to the root of it all. I have not reached that yet, and I'm not sure I ever will.

In any case, I attended mass with my brother and sister-in-law. Per her tradition we went to St. Patrick's Cathedral. I thought, okay this could be a cool thing. We got there an hour before mass. There was a line all the way around the church even an hour out. I have never seen such enthusiasm, everyone comes out of the wood works.

As soon as we got inside things started to go down hill. The noon mass was 15 minutes delayed because the 10:30 mass ran over, understandable as the bishop was giving that service. As a result of the delay the priest opted to not do the traditional blessings, to cut the homily into a cliff notes version and essentially rush through the mass in 45 minutes.

Really, it was an impressive feat as there were, I donno, a thousand people there. Still, I can't help but wonder where we as believers draw the line. What is the point of all the show, if in significant moments, you're going to let it fall by the wayside? Why do we do it all? When did Easter and Christmas become a plug and chug procedure?

• side note: Plug and Chug- V. a devalued following of procedure to reach an end result. a term my physics teacher in high school used to describe the procedure we would follow once we programmed formulas into our calculator. We no longer needed to really understand the method or process, simply plug in the numbers and hit =

You would think that one of the greatest Cathedrals in the country would have something more meaningful to say, would make a larger effort to pretend to actually care about getting the point across. Really all I saw was the church trying to get its religiosity out to as many people as humanly possible. Plug and chug.

I suppose in a way its going back to the roots of the liturgical year, after all Easter was placed at the time of year it was to directly coincide with the Pagan Celebration of spring, Ostara. Its particularly interesting to notice just how many Ostara traditions we actually take from the Pagans while recognizing Easter.

I can't merely go through the motions of religion, I can't merely go through motions of life. The things I do need to have meaning and the moment anything becomes autopilot is when I need to reassess my priorities. What happens when its not me, but the institution that is on autopilot?

Saving the World Before Bedtime

So maybe I have stolen this tag line from the Power Puff Girls, but when you do as much as I seem to be able to do you begin to wonder if super powers merely belong to those "super heros." Maybe there is more to this super hero thing. You don't have to be all powerful to accomplish everything, you just have to have drive.

Recently, on a normal day I wake up at 6, run, get ready for work, work a 10 hour day, and find time to read, write, hang out with friends, do a second shorter work out, think. Said tasks are sometimes substituted for more writing, art projects, watching television or movies, listening to music, talking on the phone, attending networking events, watching baseball, attending to other hobbies etc...

At the time nothing I do ever seems terribly significant or like it will amount to anything what so ever. When I look back on it I am often floored by the amount I do. I have actually stopped allowing myself to talk about all I do. Friends have stopped believing me.

I like being able to cover so much ground and I like having the energy to do it all. While I can, I might as well live.

You want to know my secret? I really haven't one. I don't know how I do it. All I know is that i don't ever let myself think I can't do it and I don't let the world get ahead of me. If I were to start thinking the time wasn't there, then it wouldn't be and I would merely be a couch potato watching reruns of Family Guy every night. Time exists as it does to us for us to mold and manipulate it into what we need. The only way we will ever be able to make it is to make the most of what we have and make it worth every single penny.

As far as letting the world get ahead of me, well you see that's why I am always thinking ahead. I always know whats next for me, that way if something comes up I can adjust my route accordingly . Nothing is ever set in stone until it has happened, and even then it's sometimes negotiable. If you stay on top of your game, you will notice that there is plenty of room to allow you to do what ever you wish; that is as long as you are able to see what's there.

Religiosity

Can religion exist with out man? No, I honestly do not think it can. The superior being we have come to know as God, yes; but, religion I think is directly related to man's ability to think.

By definition Religion is a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs. More specifically it is something one believes in and follows devotedly.

I believe, though, that Religion originated directly from our (man's) need to place meaning to things beyond our realm of understanding. Thus, with out man's ability to think there would be no concept of Religion.

Now I do not believe that man is the only being that posses the ability to think, but I do believe man has specific cognitive thought that enables us to conceptualize the past, present, future as well as the wheres, the whys and hows of the universe. Other beings, are able to think but on a different level and seem to remain in their present, it is more instinctual and naturalistic as opposed to really processing information in the same way as man. Man's ability to think, reason and feel is one of the great gifts from God, and also enables us to maintain our free will.

However, prior to man's existence the concept of Religion was an unnecessary concept. With out the ability to think or reason, there is no doubt, no questioning and thus no need for a belief structure to explain anything beyond the realm of understanding. If we could not think and reason in the way we do, we would just be as other beings.

I honestly think, believe religion is a direct product of needing to understand god and to give reason for that which man at the time had no reason or understanding. Often I find myself pondering the concept of religion v. spirituality and where faith fits in to all of this. I have settled on no one answer as of yet. For that matter I also wonder if one needs to identify with a specific religion to live a spiritual and faith filled life, or if religion has been maintained so structurally not only to explain what we cannot understand but also out of a need to identify.