"Its time to move on," she whispers to herself. The last fleeting thought of her last love fluttered through her mind as she walked down the street. Everything that once reminded her of him seemed to, now, be barely recognizable in any sense more than a passing landmark. How can something that seemed such a sure thing be only a faint memory after such a short time? They say time heals all wounds, but she never expected it to work so quickly.
She hurried through the busy streets, searching for her destination. Frequently bright lights and interesting sights caught her eye and for moments at a time she forgot her mission. Where was she headed? Her mind, a fog of fleeting thoughts, distracted. She saw him today and barely recognized him. She saw him again... and nothing. All that time she only saw what she wanted to see, she wondered "Was there ever anything there at all?"
10 December 2008
23 November 2008
The unequivocal magic of the movie For Love or Money never ceases to enchant me. I cant help but fall in love each time I see it. Since I first saw it, I wanted to be the person who made things happen. I wanted to make people's dreams come true as I worked to live mine. And as it would turn out, I would inevitably fall in love somewhere along the way and have to make the choice of staying on course and chase my dreams or give it all up for the potential love of my life.
I would of course choose love because I am ever searching for my fairy tale. As a result, everything would fall into place nicely and neatly because I was willing to give up something I wanted more than anything to commit myself to someone else. And that is how fairy tales are made.
I want to make things happen, I want to make dreams come true, I want to fall in love. I want to write my own fairy tale.
For Love or Money keeps me hoping that all this is possible. And it all starts with figuring out what you want and chasing it until something happens.
I would of course choose love because I am ever searching for my fairy tale. As a result, everything would fall into place nicely and neatly because I was willing to give up something I wanted more than anything to commit myself to someone else. And that is how fairy tales are made.
I want to make things happen, I want to make dreams come true, I want to fall in love. I want to write my own fairy tale.
For Love or Money keeps me hoping that all this is possible. And it all starts with figuring out what you want and chasing it until something happens.
20 November 2008
Masochism
I can never just be friends with you. As much as I like to think I could, I realize that would never happen. I guess I hit my head harder than I thought.
19 November 2008
I Can't Take the Distance Anymore
Something suddenly clicks on and you think to yourself what have I been running from? As I state time and time again, my life is in constant motion. I am constantly and consistently moving. When I'm not on the go, I start to freak out. I think that's more that I don't want to allow myself time to stop and wonder what I'm doing. I don't want that reflection time, I don't want that reality check.
Why? Reality checks help to better understand yourself, the world around and how you relate to it. I like to feel a disconnect. For the past year or so now, since I was in Detroit, I try to keep myself at distance. I don't want to connect. I don't want to commit.
Committing, connecting means standing still for enough time to really feel attachment. This has been one of my biggest fears for a while. Letting yourself just fall is admitting you don't have control, lets the possibility of hurt in. Last time I really let myself fall, I hurt the worst I have ever hurt in my existence. Truth be told that was while I was working in Detroit. I put my heart and soul into all I did and left a little broken. I left with a goal, but a little broken none the less.
Since then I have been struggling to really let my self fall in love with my work and my relationships as I did there. I love what I do, but as I said I keep my self slightly distanced. I couldn't commit myself to a steady job because it meant eliminating possibility of other work. I couldn't admit that I wanted a guy (or a particular guy) as something more than friends because that would mean standing still long enough to admit I needed someone else in my world. I have a horrid Independence streak that I need to break.
No longer am I able to take that distance, I want to break free from this resistance I have created. I am ready again to let myself truly fall.
Why? Reality checks help to better understand yourself, the world around and how you relate to it. I like to feel a disconnect. For the past year or so now, since I was in Detroit, I try to keep myself at distance. I don't want to connect. I don't want to commit.
Committing, connecting means standing still for enough time to really feel attachment. This has been one of my biggest fears for a while. Letting yourself just fall is admitting you don't have control, lets the possibility of hurt in. Last time I really let myself fall, I hurt the worst I have ever hurt in my existence. Truth be told that was while I was working in Detroit. I put my heart and soul into all I did and left a little broken. I left with a goal, but a little broken none the less.
Since then I have been struggling to really let my self fall in love with my work and my relationships as I did there. I love what I do, but as I said I keep my self slightly distanced. I couldn't commit myself to a steady job because it meant eliminating possibility of other work. I couldn't admit that I wanted a guy (or a particular guy) as something more than friends because that would mean standing still long enough to admit I needed someone else in my world. I have a horrid Independence streak that I need to break.
No longer am I able to take that distance, I want to break free from this resistance I have created. I am ready again to let myself truly fall.
30 October 2008
The Over the Fence Kind
The Magic of baseball, I think, is that no matter what, its always any one's game. You never quite know what will happen; one hit, one play, one run can change everything. There is a certain quality in knowing and experiencing this. Baseball in this way renews our sense of magic in life.
Its the magic in our life. When you think about it our lives often come down to one hit, one play, one error. Nothing is determined until we play. All action is catalytic and sets life in motion. One little twist can set us off in a different direction entirely.
We don't know what our actions might mean until they have changed which way we are headed. Should we let this affect our stance or cause a slight hesitation to our swing? Why would we, the only way we can ever know is to put the ball in play and see what happens. After all, what's worse: swinging and missing or striking out looking?
I used to think it was the safe bet to just let strikes go by. The fact of the matter is if you don't take a chance, you don't swing, you will never make contact. If you don't make contact, don't take a chance to make contact, you will never get anywhere. For all you know it could be that one moment you make contact, headed for the right field wall, that out of the park, home run moment. But you won't know until you take a chance and swing.
Always go down swinging, and know that if you strike out there is always one more at bat, one more game, one more season for you to take a chance on.
Its the magic in our life. When you think about it our lives often come down to one hit, one play, one error. Nothing is determined until we play. All action is catalytic and sets life in motion. One little twist can set us off in a different direction entirely.
We don't know what our actions might mean until they have changed which way we are headed. Should we let this affect our stance or cause a slight hesitation to our swing? Why would we, the only way we can ever know is to put the ball in play and see what happens. After all, what's worse: swinging and missing or striking out looking?
I used to think it was the safe bet to just let strikes go by. The fact of the matter is if you don't take a chance, you don't swing, you will never make contact. If you don't make contact, don't take a chance to make contact, you will never get anywhere. For all you know it could be that one moment you make contact, headed for the right field wall, that out of the park, home run moment. But you won't know until you take a chance and swing.
Always go down swinging, and know that if you strike out there is always one more at bat, one more game, one more season for you to take a chance on.
22 October 2008
Where Do We Draw the Line?
When I first moved to Detroit, I was told never to give to homeless or beggars on the street. It was always better to give to organizations and causes, otherwise your good money would just be used on drugs or alcohol. If you really wanted to help someone you would give to the people who could help those in need. A little backwards when you really think about it.
Now over a year since I left Detroit and I still have this thought that lingers in the back of my head. In reality how do we know who really needs help and who is cracked out on a street corner late at night trying to stave off a high. You don't, in fact you never do. You never know that the money you give to organizations really gets to the people who need it, and you never know that the people you give money to aren't just blowing it away.
This whole cycle of helping people turns into a trust circle. I have tried to take the approach of buying people a lunch or a coffee, but even that doesn't always go well. Of course when it doesn't, that's when you know you should have just kept walking.
Its always late at night when I am stopped, and that is always when I keep walking. Its not so much that I don't want to help then, but I'd be more likely to help if asked during the day. I never hesitate to help when I can in the middle of the day. At night, though, is the worst time to question me. Its bad enough that I will walk from my friend's place to the subway at 2am so that I don't have to crash on their couch. My brother's will lecture me when they find out. I hate throwing this card out there, but for a female walking alone at night the stakes are always a little higher. There is always that question in your mind of whether someone is trying to follow you, or whether the many seemingly menacing people outside of bars are going to stop or try and accost you. I absolutely hate thinking like this, and yet I have to keep this thought in the back of my head to keep me from doing something stupid.
Often times, and always at night, I end up just walking by strangers. I can't help it. Its not that I don't want to help, because that's honestly a constant struggle for me. The question, is just when and how to help, and who really needs it? It seems like its not enough to just be kind hearted anymore when there always appears to be someone looking to take advantage of those willing to help.
Now over a year since I left Detroit and I still have this thought that lingers in the back of my head. In reality how do we know who really needs help and who is cracked out on a street corner late at night trying to stave off a high. You don't, in fact you never do. You never know that the money you give to organizations really gets to the people who need it, and you never know that the people you give money to aren't just blowing it away.
This whole cycle of helping people turns into a trust circle. I have tried to take the approach of buying people a lunch or a coffee, but even that doesn't always go well. Of course when it doesn't, that's when you know you should have just kept walking.
Its always late at night when I am stopped, and that is always when I keep walking. Its not so much that I don't want to help then, but I'd be more likely to help if asked during the day. I never hesitate to help when I can in the middle of the day. At night, though, is the worst time to question me. Its bad enough that I will walk from my friend's place to the subway at 2am so that I don't have to crash on their couch. My brother's will lecture me when they find out. I hate throwing this card out there, but for a female walking alone at night the stakes are always a little higher. There is always that question in your mind of whether someone is trying to follow you, or whether the many seemingly menacing people outside of bars are going to stop or try and accost you. I absolutely hate thinking like this, and yet I have to keep this thought in the back of my head to keep me from doing something stupid.
Often times, and always at night, I end up just walking by strangers. I can't help it. Its not that I don't want to help, because that's honestly a constant struggle for me. The question, is just when and how to help, and who really needs it? It seems like its not enough to just be kind hearted anymore when there always appears to be someone looking to take advantage of those willing to help.
20 October 2008
Random Encounters
I leave M & Em's apartment following the end of the Sox game. They had been down 0-7 i think it was, and made an impressive come back. So, of course I end up heading home quite a bit later than I anticipated and I had work the next day. Dammit.
The walk to the L was nothing short of usual. It was a nice night, the temperature was cool and it was an easy walk. I get to the subway, tired, and according to the time board, the train should be arriving now. SWEET!
No train. The board switches to 15min for the next Brooklyn bound L Train. I sit down and journal about how I love my Sox (sad but true). 15 minutes later the platform has become quite crowded and still no train. The board yet again adds 15 minutes to the arrival of the stupid L train.
Of course, the one night where I accidentally stay late, am legitimately tired, and just want to go home is the night the train is ridiculously late.
In any case, the train finally comes and we all pile on to it like sardines in a tin can. I swear the train is as crowded as the morning commute, I mean the L is a popular train as it is the only real way in or out of Williamsburgh and Greenpoint and Bushwick.
The train of course putters along the tracks all the way through the tunnel. At one point it stops or starts suddenly and the guy standing next to me bumps into me. He apologizes like any upstanding gentleman would. I say not to worry about it. All in all though it spurns a conversation about how if it weren't for this epic journey along the L line, specifically tonight, we would never have been able to see the exotic yellow tubing that runs through the tunnel through East River. Once the jungle safari part of the conversation ended we continued chatting.
He was tall (in retrospect everyone is tall to me), curly light redish blond hair, light eyes. A writer, actor, producer. I made the comment of how appropriate we meet on the L train heading back into Willamsburgh as I am in film myself and all of us shady characters tend to commune in this particular area of Brooklyn. Well maybe not all of us, but it seems to be one of the trends.
We then discussed the wild hipster in his native environment of Williamsburgh. It is not uncommon to spot the hipster on any given night communing off the Bedford or Lorimer L stops. Two most common places to see them before and after they venture into the city or other areas of Brooklyn. They blend in quite well with the rest of society, when they have to. It seems quite common that they choose jobs where they don't have to camouflage their persons though.
The hipster, as we discussed on the train, appears to be a bit of a hybrid between the Hippie and the Gangster. They are all about pushing boundaries, antiwar, often anarchy, very earthy creatures that dabble in holistic methodology and often foster a lack in agenda. At the same time in their demeanor they like to give off an apathetic and sometimes threatening or imposing demeanor. They have an attitude that says, "go ahead, try and mess with me."
All in all this interesting encounter was abruptly halted with my departure at my stop on the L. We may never know what is to become of this random encounter, but it was an interesting journey into the wild, more like a safari, of Williasburgh
This city is full of random encounters, serendipitous meetings. You don't really know how or why or when these encounters will impact your life, but most assuredly they do. One thing is for certain, you will never know until you take a chance and jump.
The walk to the L was nothing short of usual. It was a nice night, the temperature was cool and it was an easy walk. I get to the subway, tired, and according to the time board, the train should be arriving now. SWEET!
No train. The board switches to 15min for the next Brooklyn bound L Train. I sit down and journal about how I love my Sox (sad but true). 15 minutes later the platform has become quite crowded and still no train. The board yet again adds 15 minutes to the arrival of the stupid L train.
Of course, the one night where I accidentally stay late, am legitimately tired, and just want to go home is the night the train is ridiculously late.
In any case, the train finally comes and we all pile on to it like sardines in a tin can. I swear the train is as crowded as the morning commute, I mean the L is a popular train as it is the only real way in or out of Williamsburgh and Greenpoint and Bushwick.
The train of course putters along the tracks all the way through the tunnel. At one point it stops or starts suddenly and the guy standing next to me bumps into me. He apologizes like any upstanding gentleman would. I say not to worry about it. All in all though it spurns a conversation about how if it weren't for this epic journey along the L line, specifically tonight, we would never have been able to see the exotic yellow tubing that runs through the tunnel through East River. Once the jungle safari part of the conversation ended we continued chatting.
He was tall (in retrospect everyone is tall to me), curly light redish blond hair, light eyes. A writer, actor, producer. I made the comment of how appropriate we meet on the L train heading back into Willamsburgh as I am in film myself and all of us shady characters tend to commune in this particular area of Brooklyn. Well maybe not all of us, but it seems to be one of the trends.
We then discussed the wild hipster in his native environment of Williamsburgh. It is not uncommon to spot the hipster on any given night communing off the Bedford or Lorimer L stops. Two most common places to see them before and after they venture into the city or other areas of Brooklyn. They blend in quite well with the rest of society, when they have to. It seems quite common that they choose jobs where they don't have to camouflage their persons though.
The hipster, as we discussed on the train, appears to be a bit of a hybrid between the Hippie and the Gangster. They are all about pushing boundaries, antiwar, often anarchy, very earthy creatures that dabble in holistic methodology and often foster a lack in agenda. At the same time in their demeanor they like to give off an apathetic and sometimes threatening or imposing demeanor. They have an attitude that says, "go ahead, try and mess with me."
All in all this interesting encounter was abruptly halted with my departure at my stop on the L. We may never know what is to become of this random encounter, but it was an interesting journey into the wild, more like a safari, of Williasburgh
This city is full of random encounters, serendipitous meetings. You don't really know how or why or when these encounters will impact your life, but most assuredly they do. One thing is for certain, you will never know until you take a chance and jump.
12 October 2008
A Dab of Wisdom in My World of Chaos
At the age of 24, I am convinced I can make no wise decision. Decisions, yes I can make those. In fact I make those everyday. They are not based on wisdom, but rather on impulse, desire passion, fear, joy, anger and pain. Emotional, instinctual decisions and the experiences resulting from these decisions will one day enable me to make wise ones.
For right now, at 24 I am incapable of making a wise decision. I am facing the fact everyday that I know nothing and yet am trying to learn everything all at once. At times I fail immensely and at times I surprise myself. It's all a learning process, sometimes you have to just jump in and see whether or not you're going to sink or swim.
When you're in your early 20's, though, you're not concerned with wisdom. You're still at that age where someone can tell you something, it goes in one ear and out the other if its not what you want to hear. You have to discover things as you go because, ultimately, you're not going to learn it tile you try it for yourself. I often find myself in situations I never thought I would ever be in, and its sometimes these moments that help me rediscover myself. I find that I am bolder than I ever knew myself to be. In my world, I have to be. I have to see what this world has to offer and what I am made of; the only way to do that is to take risks, to experience the world around you and to push limits. When things don't quite work out, okay move on and make it work next time.
Life seems to repeatedly, like production actually, be about making plans and then compensating when these plans don't work out. At 24, the decisions I make in these moments are not wise but, as I mentioned, instinctual. It seems to be a defense mechanism in a way. A natural reaction that helps you get out of the moment for the time being. Again, it isn't always the best plan, but it works temporarily and in the end teaches you something.
What it seems to come down to, is when you're as stubborned as I am, life is the best teacher the world could afford you. More people should really take advantage of this free education, especially when its so readily available.
For right now, at 24 I am incapable of making a wise decision. I am facing the fact everyday that I know nothing and yet am trying to learn everything all at once. At times I fail immensely and at times I surprise myself. It's all a learning process, sometimes you have to just jump in and see whether or not you're going to sink or swim.
When you're in your early 20's, though, you're not concerned with wisdom. You're still at that age where someone can tell you something, it goes in one ear and out the other if its not what you want to hear. You have to discover things as you go because, ultimately, you're not going to learn it tile you try it for yourself. I often find myself in situations I never thought I would ever be in, and its sometimes these moments that help me rediscover myself. I find that I am bolder than I ever knew myself to be. In my world, I have to be. I have to see what this world has to offer and what I am made of; the only way to do that is to take risks, to experience the world around you and to push limits. When things don't quite work out, okay move on and make it work next time.
Life seems to repeatedly, like production actually, be about making plans and then compensating when these plans don't work out. At 24, the decisions I make in these moments are not wise but, as I mentioned, instinctual. It seems to be a defense mechanism in a way. A natural reaction that helps you get out of the moment for the time being. Again, it isn't always the best plan, but it works temporarily and in the end teaches you something.
What it seems to come down to, is when you're as stubborned as I am, life is the best teacher the world could afford you. More people should really take advantage of this free education, especially when its so readily available.
03 October 2008
Memento Mori
If you were to die today, would you be content with the life you are living and the life you have lived?
I find myself pondering this question every so often since I found out about Stan being hit by a train. Whenever I have little existential questions, whenever I start thinking I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, whenever I start longing for a crush that went no where, I ponder this thought. What a tough question to answer with so much I want to do, so much I want to be. Ultimately though if my life ended today I would feel like I have fully lived my life.
When it comes down to it, I am living my dream. After finishing college, I moved to Detroit to change the world. Then on a whim I move to New York. I have been succeeding in all I do and though times are not always easy, they are memorable. I learn something new every day. I chase my dreams. I fight for what I believe in. I lay my heart on the line. I live for others. I live for myself. I have adventures. I strive to better myself. I can cook. I have experience. Ive been hurt. Ive been loved. I am not afraid to take risks. I let life take me away. And, though I have much left I still want to do, I have no regrets for where I am standing now.
I was in this conversation a few weeks ago with a couple of people, one of whom was not content with where he is or what hes doing. This feeling is not because he's unhappy with his life, but rather because he feels like hes not living for now but rather working to secure himself 5-10 years from now. There is so much more he'd rather be doing, and yet he feels innately obligated to work for something he can't quite grasp right now. Many 20somethings feel that way, feel the need to work for something that will be rather than live for right now.
Perhaps I am an exception to this rule. Personally, I have no idea what I want out of life even in the next year. I am constantly working, constantly living, trying to pull ahead in what I know I want now. In my world, 10 years from now could take me in a different direction entirely. Why mess around with the future when you can be content with who you are and in what direction you are headed.
Though I didn't know Stan well, he impacted my life more than he will ever know. Knowing someone whose life ended just like that, someone younger than you, really makes you understand what in this life is important. It makes you stop thinking, stop worrying and allows you to just live.
I find myself pondering this question every so often since I found out about Stan being hit by a train. Whenever I have little existential questions, whenever I start thinking I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, whenever I start longing for a crush that went no where, I ponder this thought. What a tough question to answer with so much I want to do, so much I want to be. Ultimately though if my life ended today I would feel like I have fully lived my life.
When it comes down to it, I am living my dream. After finishing college, I moved to Detroit to change the world. Then on a whim I move to New York. I have been succeeding in all I do and though times are not always easy, they are memorable. I learn something new every day. I chase my dreams. I fight for what I believe in. I lay my heart on the line. I live for others. I live for myself. I have adventures. I strive to better myself. I can cook. I have experience. Ive been hurt. Ive been loved. I am not afraid to take risks. I let life take me away. And, though I have much left I still want to do, I have no regrets for where I am standing now.
I was in this conversation a few weeks ago with a couple of people, one of whom was not content with where he is or what hes doing. This feeling is not because he's unhappy with his life, but rather because he feels like hes not living for now but rather working to secure himself 5-10 years from now. There is so much more he'd rather be doing, and yet he feels innately obligated to work for something he can't quite grasp right now. Many 20somethings feel that way, feel the need to work for something that will be rather than live for right now.
Perhaps I am an exception to this rule. Personally, I have no idea what I want out of life even in the next year. I am constantly working, constantly living, trying to pull ahead in what I know I want now. In my world, 10 years from now could take me in a different direction entirely. Why mess around with the future when you can be content with who you are and in what direction you are headed.
Though I didn't know Stan well, he impacted my life more than he will ever know. Knowing someone whose life ended just like that, someone younger than you, really makes you understand what in this life is important. It makes you stop thinking, stop worrying and allows you to just live.
Why did the man thrown the alarm clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
I didn't have to throw an alarm clock out the window to see time fly though, all I had to do was move to New York. Its amazing, how when you get right down to it, there is little time for anything else beyond living. For the past 6 weeks, if not longer, I have been in a perpetual state of motion and I have simply forgotten to take time.
Time to process, time to recover, time to rejuvenate, time to relax, time to think, time to stop, time to play, time to go home again.
The thing is, when you stop taking time you start to lose yourself. In some ways you learn the most about yourself when you stop thinking and just being, and inadvertently losing yourself in what you do. Its when you get so wrapped up in life and forget yourself that throws you through a loop. That is when you need to slow down, that is when you need to take time.
I didn't have to throw an alarm clock out the window to see time fly though, all I had to do was move to New York. Its amazing, how when you get right down to it, there is little time for anything else beyond living. For the past 6 weeks, if not longer, I have been in a perpetual state of motion and I have simply forgotten to take time.
Time to process, time to recover, time to rejuvenate, time to relax, time to think, time to stop, time to play, time to go home again.
The thing is, when you stop taking time you start to lose yourself. In some ways you learn the most about yourself when you stop thinking and just being, and inadvertently losing yourself in what you do. Its when you get so wrapped up in life and forget yourself that throws you through a loop. That is when you need to slow down, that is when you need to take time.
20 August 2008
Graciousness is a Virtue
Sometimes its hard to keep your eyes on whats really important when you're so caught up in the world around you. In this freelance world its all business: how can I make myself more marketable, what is the best course of action for me, how can I benefit? Its hard not tho let it become some egotistical power trip. There are ups, and there are downs; but mostly you just think of how to get what you want.
At times I become so hyper focused on my goals, where I want to be, and how I want to shape my career that it makes it hard to see the bright side offers. I had two offers on the table recently for jobs, neither exactly what I wanted but in different ways what I needed. Both were in Connecticut, both had ups and downs, and neither was want I was after right now. Because it wasn't what I was looking for, I couldn't see the bright side. I accepted one, but remained apprehensive about it the entire time. It was only when one of my friends on the other project told me she was a little jealous of me, getting to work with new people in a new position, that i really realized how lucky I am.
Not only do I have opportunities with my same crew, but also with new people who take chances on me based on past work. What more could I ask for? I've always said I wanted to travel for my work, well here's my chance!
The more I thought about it the more I realized that it wasn't that I was ungrateful for the opportunities. It wasn't that I was apprehensive really about the opportunities. I was stuck in between the two because taking one of these means limiting possibilities of another kind. What can I say? When your world is built around maximizing possibilities, it feels a little claustrophobic when you have to start limiting yourself.
Am I afraid I will miss out on something? Am I afraid of missed opportunities? Everything I might miss will be waiting for me when I get back. Friends will be here when I get back. Life will be here when I get back. I have never been one to put life on hold because I was afraid of missing something... maybe I just stall a little.
Any door I am meant to pass through will still be open, or will be opened again. If its meant to be, nothing is ever truly closed. I am one who likes to play by my rules and on my schedule. In the long run, though, its out of my control, always has been and always will be out of my control. And, even though I try to feign control, its never been mine to control.
Never take any opportunity for granted and just have faith in knowing that whats meant to be will be...
At times I become so hyper focused on my goals, where I want to be, and how I want to shape my career that it makes it hard to see the bright side offers. I had two offers on the table recently for jobs, neither exactly what I wanted but in different ways what I needed. Both were in Connecticut, both had ups and downs, and neither was want I was after right now. Because it wasn't what I was looking for, I couldn't see the bright side. I accepted one, but remained apprehensive about it the entire time. It was only when one of my friends on the other project told me she was a little jealous of me, getting to work with new people in a new position, that i really realized how lucky I am.
Not only do I have opportunities with my same crew, but also with new people who take chances on me based on past work. What more could I ask for? I've always said I wanted to travel for my work, well here's my chance!
The more I thought about it the more I realized that it wasn't that I was ungrateful for the opportunities. It wasn't that I was apprehensive really about the opportunities. I was stuck in between the two because taking one of these means limiting possibilities of another kind. What can I say? When your world is built around maximizing possibilities, it feels a little claustrophobic when you have to start limiting yourself.
Am I afraid I will miss out on something? Am I afraid of missed opportunities? Everything I might miss will be waiting for me when I get back. Friends will be here when I get back. Life will be here when I get back. I have never been one to put life on hold because I was afraid of missing something... maybe I just stall a little.
Any door I am meant to pass through will still be open, or will be opened again. If its meant to be, nothing is ever truly closed. I am one who likes to play by my rules and on my schedule. In the long run, though, its out of my control, always has been and always will be out of my control. And, even though I try to feign control, its never been mine to control.
Never take any opportunity for granted and just have faith in knowing that whats meant to be will be...
19 August 2008
Stuck Between a Rock and Well... Something Else Entirely
Why do I always find myself stuck? Stuck in situations I can't quite get out of with out some help. Yet I continue to play around and try to solve it myself. It never works and I end up with a splitting head ache. Hence the rock and something else.
14 August 2008
Add one more to the Books
A year ago I said "this will be a good year..."
Good was an understatement, great would even be an understatement. This past year I have grown more than I had over the previous 5 years. I attribute that fact to having never really been on my own before. I won't lie I led a sheltered life. Detroit cracked open that hard shell I had been encapselated in and New York has helped me to grow and fulfill the me I'm supposed to be.
Good was an understatement, great would even be an understatement. This past year I have grown more than I had over the previous 5 years. I attribute that fact to having never really been on my own before. I won't lie I led a sheltered life. Detroit cracked open that hard shell I had been encapselated in and New York has helped me to grow and fulfill the me I'm supposed to be.
11 August 2008
Power vs Responsibility
So on my walk to the train tonight I over heard a conversation discussing subway conductors and other public works employees. The parties involved in the discussion made mention of how cool they thought it was for these employees to strike at the busiest times. They suggested that even for an hour during rush hour (or some equivalent) would be a reminder to everyone of who actually holds the power.
I'm all for fair work conditions, and equal rights/ respect across industries... but that got me thinking. So much of today's society is about power. Who has the most power? Who can challenge power/ authority? etc...
I have made my fair share of decisions the challenge authority and push limits, but there is a distinct difference between challenging and disrupting the flow of things. Every once in a while a disruption is necessary, when clear points NEED to be made or when people are being abused. But on a normal basis, disruptions to simply exhibit power are not necessary.
An ideal society works best when everyone is doing their job to the best of their ability. It needs to be viewed as a well oiled machine as opposed to a power structure. When every one does their part, life moves on and we are able to make the most progress. Disruptions only hinder progress.
Unfortunately in this day and age, especially in this society, it all revolves around power. This in turn raises a whole new set of issues...
I'm all for fair work conditions, and equal rights/ respect across industries... but that got me thinking. So much of today's society is about power. Who has the most power? Who can challenge power/ authority? etc...
I have made my fair share of decisions the challenge authority and push limits, but there is a distinct difference between challenging and disrupting the flow of things. Every once in a while a disruption is necessary, when clear points NEED to be made or when people are being abused. But on a normal basis, disruptions to simply exhibit power are not necessary.
An ideal society works best when everyone is doing their job to the best of their ability. It needs to be viewed as a well oiled machine as opposed to a power structure. When every one does their part, life moves on and we are able to make the most progress. Disruptions only hinder progress.
Unfortunately in this day and age, especially in this society, it all revolves around power. This in turn raises a whole new set of issues...
27 July 2008
09 July 2008
To Follow UP
So. I have come to the conclusion that life is a game designed to make you work, work hard, for what you want out of this existence.
Word of advice: If you want something, no matter how scared you are of it, do everything in your power to make it so.
Word of advice: If you want something, no matter how scared you are of it, do everything in your power to make it so.
29 June 2008
Fight or Flight
Every once in a while, I'll admit, I find myself terrified beyond belief. My voice trembles, my hands shake, butterflies fill my stomach, and part of me wants to run as fast as I can away from where I am.
Half of these moments are all I could have ever wanted. I get excited at the prospect of them; I dream about them. Yet, when it comes to up and doing anything about it I am terrified.
I'm not a coward, and I don't want it any less; I think what terrifies me the most is the prospect of my wildest dreams coming true. Part of me is thinking that its too good to be true, that there's got to be a catch. And so, I'd rather not have anything at all.
It's not like me to quit, give up, or run away. I am stubborn and as long as I am willing to let things happen, my fear eventually subsides. I mean there must be a reason this opportunity was even presented before me. Why shouldn't I have what I want? Why shouldn't it work out as I see it?
Maybe this time I will just close my eyes and let myself fall...
Half of these moments are all I could have ever wanted. I get excited at the prospect of them; I dream about them. Yet, when it comes to up and doing anything about it I am terrified.
I'm not a coward, and I don't want it any less; I think what terrifies me the most is the prospect of my wildest dreams coming true. Part of me is thinking that its too good to be true, that there's got to be a catch. And so, I'd rather not have anything at all.
It's not like me to quit, give up, or run away. I am stubborn and as long as I am willing to let things happen, my fear eventually subsides. I mean there must be a reason this opportunity was even presented before me. Why shouldn't I have what I want? Why shouldn't it work out as I see it?
Maybe this time I will just close my eyes and let myself fall...
10 June 2008
Living Life on the Fly
Its time I learned to take that leap and see what I'm made up of. Its time I took a dive with out second guessing where I will land.
The biggest risk in life is never risking anything...
The biggest risk in life is never risking anything...
09 June 2008
Worse Than Goodbye
It seems to me that as times and people change, you lose track of the reasons for those changes. I can honestly say that a huge turning point in my life was living in Detroit. The people, the place, the environments, the experience changed me forever. Without having lived there I would not be here today.
I find it hard to keep in touch with that world, though. As much as they all meant to me, as much as I love them, as much as I have been bettered because of that experience, it was one I left and never looked back on.
I find it hard to keep in touch with that world, though. As much as they all meant to me, as much as I love them, as much as I have been bettered because of that experience, it was one I left and never looked back on.
06 June 2008
Hopes Can Fly High Too... or is it "Can Fly Too High"
Its a messy business, this one of love and relationships in the midst of trying to create a life for yourself. I suppose that's the way its supposed to be though, I mean you do tend you learn more about yourself when actively engaged in relationships. Friends and lovers teach you a lot about yourself and so it makes perfect sense that we would become entangled in that mess as we are doing other things. That is, after all, when life tends to happen.
I tend to be overly optimistic when I have my eyes on someone. Let's be honest here, anyone who knows me KNOWS how I get when I'm crushing. Not bad, but I definitely get that dreamy lovestruck look in my eyes, not to mention how giddy I get when I am around the person. Not overly giddy (well now anyways) but certainly a noticeable change in my persona. In the worst case scenarios I get obsessive to the point where I will talk incessantly about the person, but its been a while since I let a crush get that bad. An attitude like that sets you up to be crushed by your crush.
In all honesty, I can never tell if a guy I am interested in is interested back. Half the time I just see what happens and any chance fades away with time. The worst is when you find out months, even years later that that person fancied you at the time and neither did anything. What are you going to do? Its not like you can go back and change the past or make it happen now. Times change, people change and in the end if it didn't happen, it wasn't a lost chance, it just wasn't meant to be.
The moments you actually want to work out, will work out. The people you are finally willing to take chances on are the ones (in your world anyways) who are worth it. In the end you will have a plethora of stories that you'll look back on and wonder who thought that up. I'm not going to lie, relationships rarely get to the point of "relationship" in my world. I couldn't tell you why, they just don't. When I see potential, though, I have learned to trust my gut... but listen to my heart. Those two working together will never let you down. Its when you're head gets in the way that things start to unravel.
Think through things all you want, let your head go where it wants to. For things that matter, throw all of those thoughts aside (good and bad) and listen whole heartedly to what your heart tells you to do. As Edward Monkton quoted on one of his cards, "sometimes the heart should follow the mind. Sometimes the heart should tell the mind to stay at home and stop interfering."
Hmmm we shall see where this leads me...
I tend to be overly optimistic when I have my eyes on someone. Let's be honest here, anyone who knows me KNOWS how I get when I'm crushing. Not bad, but I definitely get that dreamy lovestruck look in my eyes, not to mention how giddy I get when I am around the person. Not overly giddy (well now anyways) but certainly a noticeable change in my persona. In the worst case scenarios I get obsessive to the point where I will talk incessantly about the person, but its been a while since I let a crush get that bad. An attitude like that sets you up to be crushed by your crush.
In all honesty, I can never tell if a guy I am interested in is interested back. Half the time I just see what happens and any chance fades away with time. The worst is when you find out months, even years later that that person fancied you at the time and neither did anything. What are you going to do? Its not like you can go back and change the past or make it happen now. Times change, people change and in the end if it didn't happen, it wasn't a lost chance, it just wasn't meant to be.
The moments you actually want to work out, will work out. The people you are finally willing to take chances on are the ones (in your world anyways) who are worth it. In the end you will have a plethora of stories that you'll look back on and wonder who thought that up. I'm not going to lie, relationships rarely get to the point of "relationship" in my world. I couldn't tell you why, they just don't. When I see potential, though, I have learned to trust my gut... but listen to my heart. Those two working together will never let you down. Its when you're head gets in the way that things start to unravel.
Think through things all you want, let your head go where it wants to. For things that matter, throw all of those thoughts aside (good and bad) and listen whole heartedly to what your heart tells you to do. As Edward Monkton quoted on one of his cards, "sometimes the heart should follow the mind. Sometimes the heart should tell the mind to stay at home and stop interfering."
Hmmm we shall see where this leads me...
06 May 2008
Summer Camp Film Style
You remember how summer camp you went away for weeks at a time, going home only sometimes on weekends? You struggled to make friends at first, but by the end of the time you were all best friends who swore to keep in touch forever? You always have that one inevitable hook up between the two people who every one says should hook up? You live in a world of isolation for long enough that with out realizing it you've formed a community, a family.
Yeah, that's kind of what filming a movie on location is like.
The filming of Ice Grill, USA was an experience like none other... or perhaps just like every other movie on location (as its my first one, I'm not really sure)
My story begins on a Thursday in New York where I get a call from the production manager (after a long line of recommendations). She doesn't hire me on the spot, but she does end up hiring me, and three days later I am on a bus to Atlantic City. It's a very interesting first day and i end up doing mostly busy work so that she can see what I am capable of, which is more than she had originally bargained for.
The small beach town we stayed in was Brigantine. It was kind of incredible the way you could drive down the main road of the island and to one side see the bay and the other the ocean. I'm not going to lie, being back by the beach was quite pleasant. I love the ocean and the salty air did wonders for my spirit.
I would say the one down fall to my story is that the house I was staying in was on the other side of the island from all the other crew houses... oh phooey... AND no transportation down there. This story will not be nearly as interesting as it could be, as I need to spare some details. Yes, I was effectively that kid who had to use kids on the other end of the island to rescue her from her cabin...
I was told once the shoot was over and done with, that some of the crew thought I didn't like the because I never hung out with them. That was most certainly not the case, I would have hung out with them every night if I could have. Just, the nature of my job was such that I had to go back to the office every night and since I didn't have a car I couldn't easily get home or to their place for that matter. By the third week in, when I finally managed to get out, they realized just the opposite... that I actually did like them. What can I say, they are all sweet hearts. I honestly just needed them to come and rescue me like the princess I was. Seriously, whats not to love.
My house wasn't so bad, I mean after all it was a house full of girls (haha...hahahaha). Every evening the first week of shoot was spent discussing the day. Every day I would have to play the devil's advocate for the majority of the crew, as the people in my house took to the classic stereotypes for crew members and the roles each person played on set. Of course it wasn't all true, I could see that... but then I am the one who often tries to fight against such stereotypes.
Once we got past those stereotypes, we of course discussed the particular charming qualities of the gorgeous gentlemen we were so privileged to work with (not kidding on that point). You can't tell me that you've never done that amongst peers; it doesn't matter whether you're girl or guy, gay or straight, pink or green everyone talks about everyone else they work with. Now some might have shorter discussions like,"I'd do her," and leave it at that. And then there are others who are long winded.
When I wasn't sticking up for the crew, I was arguing my case as to why there was nothing going on between me and the DP. Yes, he and I were friends before the shoot, but NO there had never been anything between us. I'm not really sure why, but I seriously kept getting that question from people the entire shoot... well about half the shoot. Do I honestly seem like the type that would have a running thing with one of her coworkers? (this is a rhetorical question not expected to actually be answered, I'm not sure I really want to know what you think on that issue). In the end I was finally able to convince everyone that there was nothing going on between us.
My production manager was still not convinced.
Our day to day routine was nothing like summer camp... well not a beach based summer camp. It was more like that intensive project based summer camp. Each person had their roles and we all played our parts. Had lunch at specific times, and ended our days when work was finished. Okay so maybe it was a little more like boot camp, but each new day brought new challenges that we all rose to, and in the end we made our movie.
All in all, we all work together, play together, drink together, talk together, fight together and have fun together. We form a community, and as much as you're glad to leave some people; after everything its still a little hard to say goodbye. When you think about it, we all haven't grown up much from those summer camp days. Most of the time you leave with these big plans of keeping in touch forever, but you don't. You make plans to see that summer crush again, but you don't. You leave with hopes of reunions, but they don't happen. Its not that we don't want these things, but its more that they took place in that moment, these people were part of that moment, these activities were part of that moment, and perhaps they can't exist beyond. For that moment, for that time they are part of us, but like all good things they too must end. So, we say goodbye, we close the door on our brief stay, hop on a bus and bid farewell to Atlantic City...
or perhaps we merely leave it at "soon."
Yeah, that's kind of what filming a movie on location is like.
The filming of Ice Grill, USA was an experience like none other... or perhaps just like every other movie on location (as its my first one, I'm not really sure)
My story begins on a Thursday in New York where I get a call from the production manager (after a long line of recommendations). She doesn't hire me on the spot, but she does end up hiring me, and three days later I am on a bus to Atlantic City. It's a very interesting first day and i end up doing mostly busy work so that she can see what I am capable of, which is more than she had originally bargained for.
The small beach town we stayed in was Brigantine. It was kind of incredible the way you could drive down the main road of the island and to one side see the bay and the other the ocean. I'm not going to lie, being back by the beach was quite pleasant. I love the ocean and the salty air did wonders for my spirit.
I would say the one down fall to my story is that the house I was staying in was on the other side of the island from all the other crew houses... oh phooey... AND no transportation down there. This story will not be nearly as interesting as it could be, as I need to spare some details. Yes, I was effectively that kid who had to use kids on the other end of the island to rescue her from her cabin...
I was told once the shoot was over and done with, that some of the crew thought I didn't like the because I never hung out with them. That was most certainly not the case, I would have hung out with them every night if I could have. Just, the nature of my job was such that I had to go back to the office every night and since I didn't have a car I couldn't easily get home or to their place for that matter. By the third week in, when I finally managed to get out, they realized just the opposite... that I actually did like them. What can I say, they are all sweet hearts. I honestly just needed them to come and rescue me like the princess I was. Seriously, whats not to love.
My house wasn't so bad, I mean after all it was a house full of girls (haha...hahahaha). Every evening the first week of shoot was spent discussing the day. Every day I would have to play the devil's advocate for the majority of the crew, as the people in my house took to the classic stereotypes for crew members and the roles each person played on set. Of course it wasn't all true, I could see that... but then I am the one who often tries to fight against such stereotypes.
Once we got past those stereotypes, we of course discussed the particular charming qualities of the gorgeous gentlemen we were so privileged to work with (not kidding on that point). You can't tell me that you've never done that amongst peers; it doesn't matter whether you're girl or guy, gay or straight, pink or green everyone talks about everyone else they work with. Now some might have shorter discussions like,"I'd do her," and leave it at that. And then there are others who are long winded.
When I wasn't sticking up for the crew, I was arguing my case as to why there was nothing going on between me and the DP. Yes, he and I were friends before the shoot, but NO there had never been anything between us. I'm not really sure why, but I seriously kept getting that question from people the entire shoot... well about half the shoot. Do I honestly seem like the type that would have a running thing with one of her coworkers? (this is a rhetorical question not expected to actually be answered, I'm not sure I really want to know what you think on that issue). In the end I was finally able to convince everyone that there was nothing going on between us.
My production manager was still not convinced.
Our day to day routine was nothing like summer camp... well not a beach based summer camp. It was more like that intensive project based summer camp. Each person had their roles and we all played our parts. Had lunch at specific times, and ended our days when work was finished. Okay so maybe it was a little more like boot camp, but each new day brought new challenges that we all rose to, and in the end we made our movie.
All in all, we all work together, play together, drink together, talk together, fight together and have fun together. We form a community, and as much as you're glad to leave some people; after everything its still a little hard to say goodbye. When you think about it, we all haven't grown up much from those summer camp days. Most of the time you leave with these big plans of keeping in touch forever, but you don't. You make plans to see that summer crush again, but you don't. You leave with hopes of reunions, but they don't happen. Its not that we don't want these things, but its more that they took place in that moment, these people were part of that moment, these activities were part of that moment, and perhaps they can't exist beyond. For that moment, for that time they are part of us, but like all good things they too must end. So, we say goodbye, we close the door on our brief stay, hop on a bus and bid farewell to Atlantic City...
or perhaps we merely leave it at "soon."
05 May 2008
Strike Outs and Curve Balls
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, or so they say. No mater what it is though, hurts to the point that you wonder if it wouldn't have been better had you never known. Life throws some crazy curve balls at you sometimes, generally it seems to be nothing you cant handle. These moments always leave me wondering, "why me?"
At the end of March, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. That night I happened to meet a guy who was nice, cute, and interesting. He walked me to the train at the end of the night and texted me to make sure I made it home safely; he actually seemed like a decent human being.
He was not my type at all, I tend to prefer pub boys to club boys. I figured though, if he actually called me up, I'd give him a chance. Every once in a while you need to step outside your comfort zone and let life happen. He called. He called and we talked back and forth for about a week until we could finally set a time to meet up again.
We made plans, was supposed to be the Sunday before I started my job in Atlantic City. The night before we texted back and forth to solidify everything, and I never hear from him again. The next day, I get to the Brooklyn Art Museum where we were supposed to meet and wait.
I wait and wait and wait. No guy, in fact no text message, call or anything. I wait for an hour and a half before I decide to leave. In all honesty I put my sunglasses on as I tried to fight back tears. I felt embarrassed, insulted and jaded. All I wanted to do was break down and cry.
After ALOT of venting to friends, I got over it, moved on and started my gig in Atlantic city.
Four weeks later (May 4th) I get a call, from an investigator. The kid got hit by a train sometime between the hours of 4:30am and 6am the morning we were supposed to meet, after he left the club. Appearantly I was the last one who talked to him.
What? What! What?!
Who does something like this happen to? Who actually gets news like this? Is this even absurdly possible? I suppose it is because it did actually happen, but still... its quite a shock.
I don't even know how to begin processing this. I mean everything I thought about that incident is false. He didn't actually stand me up, and I had the nerve to say a lot of really mean things about the kid after he didn't show. No I shouldn't hold it against myself, but at the same time what good do those thoughts and comments really do?
I don't even know if I really liked the kid, and I was going to take a chance and just see what was going to happen. Then I am thrown this huge curve ball that looks like its going one place and goes some place entirely different.
An incident like this changes you, even if you're just some third party observer, makes you reassess all you thought was important and logical. That's what the world is supposed to do, I suppose, throw things in your way that will change the course of your existence entirely.
What will this mean for me? I don't know... but it will, it will
At the end of March, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. That night I happened to meet a guy who was nice, cute, and interesting. He walked me to the train at the end of the night and texted me to make sure I made it home safely; he actually seemed like a decent human being.
He was not my type at all, I tend to prefer pub boys to club boys. I figured though, if he actually called me up, I'd give him a chance. Every once in a while you need to step outside your comfort zone and let life happen. He called. He called and we talked back and forth for about a week until we could finally set a time to meet up again.
We made plans, was supposed to be the Sunday before I started my job in Atlantic City. The night before we texted back and forth to solidify everything, and I never hear from him again. The next day, I get to the Brooklyn Art Museum where we were supposed to meet and wait.
I wait and wait and wait. No guy, in fact no text message, call or anything. I wait for an hour and a half before I decide to leave. In all honesty I put my sunglasses on as I tried to fight back tears. I felt embarrassed, insulted and jaded. All I wanted to do was break down and cry.
After ALOT of venting to friends, I got over it, moved on and started my gig in Atlantic city.
Four weeks later (May 4th) I get a call, from an investigator. The kid got hit by a train sometime between the hours of 4:30am and 6am the morning we were supposed to meet, after he left the club. Appearantly I was the last one who talked to him.
What? What! What?!
Who does something like this happen to? Who actually gets news like this? Is this even absurdly possible? I suppose it is because it did actually happen, but still... its quite a shock.
I don't even know how to begin processing this. I mean everything I thought about that incident is false. He didn't actually stand me up, and I had the nerve to say a lot of really mean things about the kid after he didn't show. No I shouldn't hold it against myself, but at the same time what good do those thoughts and comments really do?
I don't even know if I really liked the kid, and I was going to take a chance and just see what was going to happen. Then I am thrown this huge curve ball that looks like its going one place and goes some place entirely different.
An incident like this changes you, even if you're just some third party observer, makes you reassess all you thought was important and logical. That's what the world is supposed to do, I suppose, throw things in your way that will change the course of your existence entirely.
What will this mean for me? I don't know... but it will, it will
26 March 2008
Adventures in the World of Temping
As the day is beginning to wind down, the song "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" comes on and I contemplate the events of the day. For a temp day, its been quite interesting. Its the third week in a row that Ive temped at this specific furniture company in Manhattan, they love me and I get to sit around all day and do nothing.
Certain occurrences today were out of the ordinary, so much so that I have several times wondered whether or not I am stuck in some sitcom.
I wake up this morning about 6:50am wide awake and ready to go. Now this is 15 minutes before my alarm was supposed to sound for the first time. I get ready to go, leave an hour ahead of time only to find that my train isn't running into the city. I had waited about a half hour at that point and it was only then that the MTA employees could tell us what was going on and so they were ushering us out of the subway, directing us to bus it. At that point, I was already late so I just sat and waited around for little while to see if a train would come. It did, I boarded and we ended up being only about 10 minutes late. Not bad at all.
Certain occurrences today were out of the ordinary, so much so that I have several times wondered whether or not I am stuck in some sitcom.
I wake up this morning about 6:50am wide awake and ready to go. Now this is 15 minutes before my alarm was supposed to sound for the first time. I get ready to go, leave an hour ahead of time only to find that my train isn't running into the city. I had waited about a half hour at that point and it was only then that the MTA employees could tell us what was going on and so they were ushering us out of the subway, directing us to bus it. At that point, I was already late so I just sat and waited around for little while to see if a train would come. It did, I boarded and we ended up being only about 10 minutes late. Not bad at all.
I get to work, get settled in and get a text message from my friend (A) asking if I left the bar we were all at the night before at the same time as his friend (B). I said no, and asked why. Apparently A and B were supposed to have a meeting and B never showed (which is unlike him). So I said I would contact friend C and D who were there with us, see if they knew anything, and get back to A.
Wait...
Around 11am a little Spanish speaking man walks in. He is from a soup place and has a delivery for a Linda. There is no Linda that works here. I tell him that, and suggests he tries next door. He insists for about 10 minutes that he is in the right place. I finally convince him that he should try next door. He comes back tells me that they said this was the right address. I finally get him to go away. Crazy Spanish soup man. I know you're trying to do your job, but trust me when i say Linda is not here.
Still no word... A is starting to get worried.
Two wrong deliveries walk through the door: Lamp Shades and Flowers. I direct them both to the main building at this address, not our store.
I try to get in touch with C and D again. No word from either or B. I begin to speculate what may have happened. About 5 stories came to mind... I wonder which, if any, it is.
1pm rolls around and this guy walks in, starts asking me stuff about policies, and our products. Naturally I call a sales rep. Turns out this guy was a Consumer Protection Investigator, who apparently goes around to businesses and makes sure they are on par blah, blah, blah. He looked like a fat moron if you ask me. He kept the sales manager tangled up in policy stuff for about an hour. While hes here I notice I missed a call from A, I wonder if hes heard anything.
2pm I go to lunch and immediately call A back. Apparently he received a text message from B, mentioned something about a police station in Brooklyn. I begin to ponder.
I get back from lunch and I finally talk to D, he fills me in on some. It was an interesting night as I gather from the vague information i am able to draw out. But no specifics. Damn.
The day goes on, things slow down and I keep trying to amuse myself. Nothing quite tops the investigation from this morning. Though I still don't know the details, you cant top a story that is deemed an interesting night and ends in a Brooklyn Police station (what ever the reason may be).
13 March 2008
11 March 2008
Further Reasons Why Hell is Freezing Over or My Life in the Twilight Zone
There are only two things in life we know for certain: death and taxes. Then there are thoughts or happenstances to serve as reality checks and make you question everything you have ever represented. It is the uncertainty in life that makes everyday worth waking up for, an adventure who's end is unknown. The days go by and the uncertainty, while keeping me on my toes has begun to blend in with everyday... thoughts though seem to stick with me. I have had two such thoughts in the past few weeks, and in many ways they terrify me.
Lets start with friendlier thought:
I like dancing. Many of my friends who would read this might think I'm pulling everyone's tail in saying this. I am, of course, the self proclaimed girl who just doesn't like to dance. When you get down to it, though, I have found I really enjoy dancing. There is something about the simple action that is enticing, invigorating and even sensual.
I started off merely dancing while I cooked. As I generally cooked alone, no one would be any the wiser. It was my own little secret, that I always had to be on the look out for a roommate who might enter the kitchen and catch me (like that 5 year old kid who stayed up way past his bed time just to read or play a little longer in the darkness).
Now I find myself willing to dance more and more when I go out. At first there is a little resistance to my friends, but I let them get me out on the floor. Once you're out, the great thing about dancing is that you can say so much through your body and the looks you throw at people.
I have communicated (on separate occasions) rescue me, I'd rather be dancing with you, back off, you can look but not touch, take me home... the list could go on. Point being that dancing alone or with friends is a great way to communicate... I just now have to better learn to communicate the whole "I'm not interested," after I have already rejected advances on kissing, Number exchanging, and further dancing. You'd think the guy would get a clue.
Thought number 2 that might just blow everyone away:
Grad School
I have decided I like the idea of going to Grad School, in particular for Ethnology and Folk Lore at a school in Scotland. An interesting combination, I am sure all of you are thinking. In reality this program is quite possibly perfect for me. It combines storytelling and cultural studies into one small package, which I can later use in my ultimate goal of telling stories on the big screen.
Never before have I so adamantly thought of going back to school, and yet as soon as I saw this program the wheels in my head started turning. I have a plan, now it just needs to be executed. I have never been one to follow plans, but we will see where this one takes me today.
I started off merely dancing while I cooked. As I generally cooked alone, no one would be any the wiser. It was my own little secret, that I always had to be on the look out for a roommate who might enter the kitchen and catch me (like that 5 year old kid who stayed up way past his bed time just to read or play a little longer in the darkness).
Now I find myself willing to dance more and more when I go out. At first there is a little resistance to my friends, but I let them get me out on the floor. Once you're out, the great thing about dancing is that you can say so much through your body and the looks you throw at people.
I have communicated (on separate occasions) rescue me, I'd rather be dancing with you, back off, you can look but not touch, take me home... the list could go on. Point being that dancing alone or with friends is a great way to communicate... I just now have to better learn to communicate the whole "I'm not interested," after I have already rejected advances on kissing, Number exchanging, and further dancing. You'd think the guy would get a clue.
Thought number 2 that might just blow everyone away:
Grad School
I have decided I like the idea of going to Grad School, in particular for Ethnology and Folk Lore at a school in Scotland. An interesting combination, I am sure all of you are thinking. In reality this program is quite possibly perfect for me. It combines storytelling and cultural studies into one small package, which I can later use in my ultimate goal of telling stories on the big screen.
Never before have I so adamantly thought of going back to school, and yet as soon as I saw this program the wheels in my head started turning. I have a plan, now it just needs to be executed. I have never been one to follow plans, but we will see where this one takes me today.
02 March 2008
Of Dreams and Lost Art
Still photography was one of the first art forms I remember really taking a liking to. I got my first camera when I as probably about 6 years old, it was one of those long rectangular one that you couldn't really get anything good on. I was persistent though and took pictures whenever I could. My mother, mostly to keep me from trying to steal her 35 mm automatic (that wasn't very good anyways), bought me my own little 35 mm point and shoot camera. For a time I was satisfied.
At 9 years old, I only desired to take pictures of friends and the silly games we played. Every once in a while I would manage to take something I would now consider quality, but to a 4th grader with her own camera the world was at my finger tips.
Now, it was either 5th or 6th grade (I am leaning more towards 6th because that's when my mother started leaving me at home alone), I went snooping through my parents room one day when I was bored. Where is this going, you ask yourself? In my dad's things from when he used to be out at sea all the time, I found his old 35mm Fuji SLR. I was in heaven... I had no idea what it was really, but I knew enough to realize that it was a fancy camera. Being the type of person he is, my dad left the instruction book in with his camera. I read it cover to cover when I should have been doing homework, and then pulled the camera out to put it together.
Before my mom got home, I carefully took apart the camera and put it safely away. I asked my dad about it shortly there after, and asked him to teach me how to use it. I don't recall him ever actually teaching me, beyond how to load it that is, and so I reason that I taught myself.
It was a love affair from day one, and I knew it would be a long friendship. I used it every chance I got, but actually took time to look for interesting shots or subject matter. With my old one I was often trigger happy, but this time I knew it would take time.
I used my dad's camera for the next couple of years, including for my black and white photography classes that I took. My mother wanted to make sure I was serious about my photography before she shelled out money to get me a nice one. Of course, she delayed and it was my older brother who bought it for me as a 17th birthday present. My Rebel- who I now fondly refer to as James.
James was faithful to me from day one, but 4 years after our relationship began I for whatever reason lost my inspiration and I took pictures less and less. I would plan out places I wanted to photograph, subjects, times etc; but, I could never follow through. It finally reached the point where I would carry him around for show and never actually use him. Not intentionally of course, that's just the way it goes sometimes.
With the lack of inspiration, I decided to put down my camera for a while. I needed to take a break, find my muse again... so to speak anyways. Now, after a very long two years, I think I am finally ready to reunite with James. I wouldn't quite say I'm fully inspired again, but I know full well that I am lost with out it as an outlet.
At 9 years old, I only desired to take pictures of friends and the silly games we played. Every once in a while I would manage to take something I would now consider quality, but to a 4th grader with her own camera the world was at my finger tips.
Now, it was either 5th or 6th grade (I am leaning more towards 6th because that's when my mother started leaving me at home alone), I went snooping through my parents room one day when I was bored. Where is this going, you ask yourself? In my dad's things from when he used to be out at sea all the time, I found his old 35mm Fuji SLR. I was in heaven... I had no idea what it was really, but I knew enough to realize that it was a fancy camera. Being the type of person he is, my dad left the instruction book in with his camera. I read it cover to cover when I should have been doing homework, and then pulled the camera out to put it together.
Before my mom got home, I carefully took apart the camera and put it safely away. I asked my dad about it shortly there after, and asked him to teach me how to use it. I don't recall him ever actually teaching me, beyond how to load it that is, and so I reason that I taught myself.
It was a love affair from day one, and I knew it would be a long friendship. I used it every chance I got, but actually took time to look for interesting shots or subject matter. With my old one I was often trigger happy, but this time I knew it would take time.
I used my dad's camera for the next couple of years, including for my black and white photography classes that I took. My mother wanted to make sure I was serious about my photography before she shelled out money to get me a nice one. Of course, she delayed and it was my older brother who bought it for me as a 17th birthday present. My Rebel- who I now fondly refer to as James. James was faithful to me from day one, but 4 years after our relationship began I for whatever reason lost my inspiration and I took pictures less and less. I would plan out places I wanted to photograph, subjects, times etc; but, I could never follow through. It finally reached the point where I would carry him around for show and never actually use him. Not intentionally of course, that's just the way it goes sometimes.
With the lack of inspiration, I decided to put down my camera for a while. I needed to take a break, find my muse again... so to speak anyways. Now, after a very long two years, I think I am finally ready to reunite with James. I wouldn't quite say I'm fully inspired again, but I know full well that I am lost with out it as an outlet.
25 February 2008
Try as You Might
The final hour drew closer and closer as we wrapped out of Louie's house. As far as short films go, minus a few minor complications, it was a pleasant shoot. We finish shooting, the company moves out and all is well.
As the first 15 passenger van pulls away, I get ready to start loading my stuff into the other. When I get out there, though, I realize something almost horrific as I try to open the door to the van. The keys are sitting right there in the ignition.
F*@k!
I frantically check the AD kit and the UPMs files for the spare keys. Of course the one were missing is the one we need. So I do the next best thing. Find a couple of paint sticks left over from the Art Dept to try and pry the door open. Not good enough... so I grab a screw driver to add that extra little bit of leverage.
I'd seen it done before, so I think I am able to recreate it.
I get the door pried up no sweat with the screw driver, but as I fiddle around sliding the coat hanger through the space and its no use. I can't quite hook the lock. So, I come up with a plan B (you always have to have one of those). I look around the location for something like a dowel rod that is sturdy but thin.
Nothing... seemingly, and then we find a rod for blinds. Unfortunately it is no good, as its too short. With some quick thinking, I decide to use a stick, long enough to reach and thick/ sturdy enough to hit the lock button.
With in 10 minutes I get the lock open... and it had just gotten dark! Success! I now have a new skill to add to my resume.
As the first 15 passenger van pulls away, I get ready to start loading my stuff into the other. When I get out there, though, I realize something almost horrific as I try to open the door to the van. The keys are sitting right there in the ignition.
F*@k!
I frantically check the AD kit and the UPMs files for the spare keys. Of course the one were missing is the one we need. So I do the next best thing. Find a couple of paint sticks left over from the Art Dept to try and pry the door open. Not good enough... so I grab a screw driver to add that extra little bit of leverage.
I'd seen it done before, so I think I am able to recreate it.
I get the door pried up no sweat with the screw driver, but as I fiddle around sliding the coat hanger through the space and its no use. I can't quite hook the lock. So, I come up with a plan B (you always have to have one of those). I look around the location for something like a dowel rod that is sturdy but thin.
Nothing... seemingly, and then we find a rod for blinds. Unfortunately it is no good, as its too short. With some quick thinking, I decide to use a stick, long enough to reach and thick/ sturdy enough to hit the lock button.
With in 10 minutes I get the lock open... and it had just gotten dark! Success! I now have a new skill to add to my resume.
22 February 2008
Fairy Tales
I have been talking back and forth with a friend of mine about fairy tales. Mostly the fact that I am writing fairy tales in my spare time. He commended me and said it was cool (Wow! someone thinks I'm cool), because he wants his life to be one.
First of all, who doesn't? I mean I feel, in my experience at least, that we all have this innate desire to have that "happily ever after." We have this want to live this big, extravagant adventure that ends in the heroine finding her Prince Charming, or the Hero finding his Princess or Fair Maiden. There seems to be something completely magical about the idea of living a fairy tale that just makes every day life seem overly difficult and mundane.
Why all this longing for something that is nothing more than flowery words and fictionalized stories. My friend, for example, talented Actor and Musician, with and independent album and a lot of promise. He wants to live a fairy? He is living one. What I said to my friend and I repeat to everyone who dares read this blog (myself included) is that real life is way more interesting than any fairy tale anyone could pen. Its all about semantics. Anyone can live a fairy tale, anyone can have their own fairy tale; all you need to do is elaborate and exaggerate the truth a little, add a mythical/ magical twist and end on any note you feel like.
I think we all need to do a bit more of living and less longing for that which you seem not to have. Although, who am I to talk? I probably do the most longing, the most dreaming and the most wallowing out of anyone here. I try to hide it well, but truthfully at any given moment I am wondering why it didn't work out with my latest interest, why my world isn't in perfect order, or thinking about everything I don't have in my life.
How can I be the optimist when there are times I am genuinely unhappy with my life, my world? Simple, I am an optimist out of necessity. When times get tough, when days become rough and when it seems like you will never get out of your hole, you have to (or at least I do) keep your chin up and hope for the best. After all, if things cant possibly turn around and get better, then whats the point of continuing.
I mean my life isn't so bad... in fact most would consider this a dream life, a right royal fairy tale. Whose to say fairy tale characters never got their hopes down? Whose to say that everything always happened perfectly in these stories. They certainly didn't, but then the focus was on the Happily Ever After, and everything prior to The End just let them straight there...
First of all, who doesn't? I mean I feel, in my experience at least, that we all have this innate desire to have that "happily ever after." We have this want to live this big, extravagant adventure that ends in the heroine finding her Prince Charming, or the Hero finding his Princess or Fair Maiden. There seems to be something completely magical about the idea of living a fairy tale that just makes every day life seem overly difficult and mundane.
Why all this longing for something that is nothing more than flowery words and fictionalized stories. My friend, for example, talented Actor and Musician, with and independent album and a lot of promise. He wants to live a fairy? He is living one. What I said to my friend and I repeat to everyone who dares read this blog (myself included) is that real life is way more interesting than any fairy tale anyone could pen. Its all about semantics. Anyone can live a fairy tale, anyone can have their own fairy tale; all you need to do is elaborate and exaggerate the truth a little, add a mythical/ magical twist and end on any note you feel like.
I think we all need to do a bit more of living and less longing for that which you seem not to have. Although, who am I to talk? I probably do the most longing, the most dreaming and the most wallowing out of anyone here. I try to hide it well, but truthfully at any given moment I am wondering why it didn't work out with my latest interest, why my world isn't in perfect order, or thinking about everything I don't have in my life.
How can I be the optimist when there are times I am genuinely unhappy with my life, my world? Simple, I am an optimist out of necessity. When times get tough, when days become rough and when it seems like you will never get out of your hole, you have to (or at least I do) keep your chin up and hope for the best. After all, if things cant possibly turn around and get better, then whats the point of continuing.
I mean my life isn't so bad... in fact most would consider this a dream life, a right royal fairy tale. Whose to say fairy tale characters never got their hopes down? Whose to say that everything always happened perfectly in these stories. They certainly didn't, but then the focus was on the Happily Ever After, and everything prior to The End just let them straight there...
10 February 2008
Singin in the Rain
Upon wrapping our short film yesterday, the entire crew went out for a drink at a near by bar. We were all chatting, shooting shit and chillaxing after a long week of production. I must say, that despite the craziness and desire to strangle some of the people I worked with, it was a good crew and I enjoyed the company. G however is no longer speaking to me.
At around 1900 hours, I get a call from Tim, Matt, Matt and Dean, who are visiting for the weekend and they happen to be a few blocks from where I live. I immediately hop up, give everyone my regards and exchange hugs, grab my things, and head for the door. When the good looking spanish DP says, "Maura, why don't you stay longer with us?" I politely say, "I have friends in town," "but im leaving for Spain on Tuesday," "but you'll be back, I havnt seen these kids in forever." Well it seemed like forever, I love the Lovechylds.
I ran out the door, flagged a cab and went home to drop my stuff off and quickly get back out the door. I was going to run all the way there, but my lungs couldnt handle running in the cold air. What can I say, I like these guys.
They are at Alligator Lounge, free pizza with every beer. We sat, chatted and had fun. Tim made the comment that when he and I talked it wasnt about the past, which is often what old college buddies talk about when faced with a reunion. Not us though, it was more about what everyone is doing now and how life is and the works. These kids never bore me...
We leave Alligator Lounge around 11:30 and head for the subway, stopping first at a convenience store where I can find a redbull. In crossing the street, I slip and wipe out... not spilling a drop of the red bull. We try to hail a cab, but they wont take 5 ppl so we try for the subway again. It takes about an hour to get to their hotel room where they retrieve their guittars, and we leave again.
There is a subway station down the street from their hotel and we head there. Enter the subway and they play. It was like being in college again, only grown up and more adventurous. I fogot how much I loved them. I was the resident groupie. At one point Matt plays a very familiar bass line, and Tim stops him. I say, come on you gotta play that... And so they play a completely acoustic version of "I Believe In A Thing Calle Love," fantastic.
I dont remember when I last smiled as widely as I did around these guys this weekend. I felt truley at home again.
At around 1900 hours, I get a call from Tim, Matt, Matt and Dean, who are visiting for the weekend and they happen to be a few blocks from where I live. I immediately hop up, give everyone my regards and exchange hugs, grab my things, and head for the door. When the good looking spanish DP says, "Maura, why don't you stay longer with us?" I politely say, "I have friends in town," "but im leaving for Spain on Tuesday," "but you'll be back, I havnt seen these kids in forever." Well it seemed like forever, I love the Lovechylds.
I ran out the door, flagged a cab and went home to drop my stuff off and quickly get back out the door. I was going to run all the way there, but my lungs couldnt handle running in the cold air. What can I say, I like these guys.
They are at Alligator Lounge, free pizza with every beer. We sat, chatted and had fun. Tim made the comment that when he and I talked it wasnt about the past, which is often what old college buddies talk about when faced with a reunion. Not us though, it was more about what everyone is doing now and how life is and the works. These kids never bore me...
We leave Alligator Lounge around 11:30 and head for the subway, stopping first at a convenience store where I can find a redbull. In crossing the street, I slip and wipe out... not spilling a drop of the red bull. We try to hail a cab, but they wont take 5 ppl so we try for the subway again. It takes about an hour to get to their hotel room where they retrieve their guittars, and we leave again.
There is a subway station down the street from their hotel and we head there. Enter the subway and they play. It was like being in college again, only grown up and more adventurous. I fogot how much I loved them. I was the resident groupie. At one point Matt plays a very familiar bass line, and Tim stops him. I say, come on you gotta play that... And so they play a completely acoustic version of "I Believe In A Thing Calle Love," fantastic.
I dont remember when I last smiled as widely as I did around these guys this weekend. I felt truley at home again.
All Work and No Play Make Maura Something Something...
So 2008 starts and just doesnt stop. February 10th and I am wondering where the time went. I have been working incessantly, and am happy to be working. The lack of work is starting to get to my roommate, while I actually wish I had less work to do. Truth be told, though I dont want to turn down work because, as soon as I do there will be a lull in my employment. Id rather be working than doing nothing. As I dont have a boyfriend right now, I have no reason to worry about working late... or too much. Sure my friends will miss me, but I need to stay busy.
While I often mention the perils of love, I rarely mention actually wanting boyfriend. Do I want one now? I dont know. There is someone I am interested in, but I am not sure when I will next see him. This is part of the reason I am trying to stay busy. I like this kid, but Im trying not to obsess over him or the fact that I like him. Im not really sure where I am going with this, but even so... I like this guy, he likes me and yet again I fall into a pattern of not being able to get my act together for something to happen... more updates later.
Career wise, I have been costume deigner for 3 shorts in a row. The student shorts love me because I do my job, do it well, and come in under their budget. I love them because they are fun and pay me. Its a win-win situation. I have also played UPM- unit production manager- I told the producer i tend to work with that it better be a VERY long time before he hires me as UPM again. I can handle a lot of things, but I want to learn how to do htat job well before I tackle things again.
On an upcomming short, I was asked to be 2nd AD... far cry from production, but it will be a nice break. The 1st likes the way I work, so despite the fact that am inexperienced as a 2nd, he feels like I can handle it and handle it well (and for the record, as much as this may sound like my fairy tale... the 1st is not Phillip... in fact there is no Phillip, I made up the character).
Life is slowly coming together for me... seriously
While I often mention the perils of love, I rarely mention actually wanting boyfriend. Do I want one now? I dont know. There is someone I am interested in, but I am not sure when I will next see him. This is part of the reason I am trying to stay busy. I like this kid, but Im trying not to obsess over him or the fact that I like him. Im not really sure where I am going with this, but even so... I like this guy, he likes me and yet again I fall into a pattern of not being able to get my act together for something to happen... more updates later.
Career wise, I have been costume deigner for 3 shorts in a row. The student shorts love me because I do my job, do it well, and come in under their budget. I love them because they are fun and pay me. Its a win-win situation. I have also played UPM- unit production manager- I told the producer i tend to work with that it better be a VERY long time before he hires me as UPM again. I can handle a lot of things, but I want to learn how to do htat job well before I tackle things again.
On an upcomming short, I was asked to be 2nd AD... far cry from production, but it will be a nice break. The 1st likes the way I work, so despite the fact that am inexperienced as a 2nd, he feels like I can handle it and handle it well (and for the record, as much as this may sound like my fairy tale... the 1st is not Phillip... in fact there is no Phillip, I made up the character).
Life is slowly coming together for me... seriously
25 January 2008
...
The world is again a blur as I work simultaneously on two short films. Its crazy how much you forget the world around you when you're busy. Such is life in the big city. Such is the life in the big city.
Since January began, my work life has picked up quite a bit. As strange as it seems... to me anyways, I have been working mostly in Costumes and Wardrobe. Two months ago I was looking to get out, and now here I am running the show. Its funny how things turn out... how life works out. Costumes balance my need to run the show, and as odd as it is I think I want to get to producing through wardrobe.
At least right now, that is what I think I want. Do we ever know what we want when we see it? When we are exposed to it?
No, I don't think so. I think we get ideas and the ideas run away with us. Do we then take steps to make the ideas come to life? What happens then when the outcome is not how we pictured it?
Is it ever supposed to be?
from time to time perhaps... but in general no...
Since January began, my work life has picked up quite a bit. As strange as it seems... to me anyways, I have been working mostly in Costumes and Wardrobe. Two months ago I was looking to get out, and now here I am running the show. Its funny how things turn out... how life works out. Costumes balance my need to run the show, and as odd as it is I think I want to get to producing through wardrobe.
At least right now, that is what I think I want. Do we ever know what we want when we see it? When we are exposed to it?
No, I don't think so. I think we get ideas and the ideas run away with us. Do we then take steps to make the ideas come to life? What happens then when the outcome is not how we pictured it?
Is it ever supposed to be?
from time to time perhaps... but in general no...
08 January 2008
Best of 2007!
As I look back on 2007, here are some of my highlights as I see them:
Best Overall Move: Deciding to pursue a film career in New York
Coolest New Move: Unpopping Collars in Bars
Most Surprisingly Movie-like Story: Me moving to NYC and Starting work
Most Surprisingly Awesome Project: Planning and Coordinating the Summer Camps
Most Memorable Movie Worked On: Red Hook.... it was my first and it will always hold a soft spot in my heart
Coolest Short Term Freelance Gig: Helping to make Turbans for Marc Jacob's Holiday Party
Coolest Temp Job: Working in GQ's Fashion Closet
Worst Temp Job: Tying bows on books for Cole Hann
Best New Beginning to a Story: This is what was suppose to happen... This is what actually happened
Coolest Night Out: Going to get RENT tickets at 12pm not getting home from that whole endeavour until 5am
Best Day Trip: Anita and I going to U of M to see 12th Night as done by a children's theatre... and stopping by trader Joe's while we were there
Sweetest Engagement: Tom and Amy getting engaged the last Saturday in August!
Most Memorable Kiss: Grant... although that kiss at Dive 75 also ranks up there (more because Tom won't ever let me live that down)
Person I Wish I Could Get Back in Touch With: Grant
Most Interesting Celebrity Met: Vinnie Jones
Sweetest Networking Contact and Friend: J.B... he's been a mentor to me since he took me on as UPM for Venice
Coolest New Friend: Lauren Loeb... though I have met many new people over the course of this year, Lauren ranks as coolest because she has many a time been my partner in crime
Best Sporting Moment: Red Sox Winning the World Series
Favorite New Player: Dustin Pedroia
Best Book Read: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Best Movie Seen in Theatres: Juno... Hands down this one was by far the best I saw in theatres and it luckily snuck in under the radar
Worst Movie Seen in Theatres: this should actually be classified as movie I saw in theatres that I like the least.... 1408
Most Watched Movie: Love Actually, for grand total of 15 times.... that I can think of
Favorite New TV Show: Private Practice
Most Watched TV Show: Firefly
Favorite New CD: Travis- Boy with no Name
Most Listened to CD: James Blunt- All the Lost Souls (there is something completely mesmerizing about it)
Hardest Goodbye: that's a toss up between Elaine, Elana and Anita... all were very special and dear in their own way... and all were very hard to let go of
Most Over Used Turn of Phrase (by me): Fair Enough
Most Over Used Hand Gesture (by me): the sign language Y with a little nod
While there are many other bests and worsts of the year, these are among the ones I chose to share... may you enjoy and laugh at these little sentiments
Best Overall Move: Deciding to pursue a film career in New York
Coolest New Move: Unpopping Collars in Bars
Most Surprisingly Movie-like Story: Me moving to NYC and Starting work
Most Surprisingly Awesome Project: Planning and Coordinating the Summer Camps
Most Memorable Movie Worked On: Red Hook.... it was my first and it will always hold a soft spot in my heart
Coolest Short Term Freelance Gig: Helping to make Turbans for Marc Jacob's Holiday Party
Coolest Temp Job: Working in GQ's Fashion Closet
Worst Temp Job: Tying bows on books for Cole Hann
Best New Beginning to a Story: This is what was suppose to happen... This is what actually happened
Coolest Night Out: Going to get RENT tickets at 12pm not getting home from that whole endeavour until 5am
Best Day Trip: Anita and I going to U of M to see 12th Night as done by a children's theatre... and stopping by trader Joe's while we were there
Sweetest Engagement: Tom and Amy getting engaged the last Saturday in August!
Most Memorable Kiss: Grant... although that kiss at Dive 75 also ranks up there (more because Tom won't ever let me live that down)
Person I Wish I Could Get Back in Touch With: Grant
Most Interesting Celebrity Met: Vinnie Jones
Sweetest Networking Contact and Friend: J.B... he's been a mentor to me since he took me on as UPM for Venice
Coolest New Friend: Lauren Loeb... though I have met many new people over the course of this year, Lauren ranks as coolest because she has many a time been my partner in crime
Best Sporting Moment: Red Sox Winning the World Series
Favorite New Player: Dustin Pedroia
Best Book Read: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Best Movie Seen in Theatres: Juno... Hands down this one was by far the best I saw in theatres and it luckily snuck in under the radar
Worst Movie Seen in Theatres: this should actually be classified as movie I saw in theatres that I like the least.... 1408
Most Watched Movie: Love Actually, for grand total of 15 times.... that I can think of
Favorite New TV Show: Private Practice
Most Watched TV Show: Firefly
Favorite New CD: Travis- Boy with no Name
Most Listened to CD: James Blunt- All the Lost Souls (there is something completely mesmerizing about it)
Hardest Goodbye: that's a toss up between Elaine, Elana and Anita... all were very special and dear in their own way... and all were very hard to let go of
Most Over Used Turn of Phrase (by me): Fair Enough
Most Over Used Hand Gesture (by me): the sign language Y with a little nod
While there are many other bests and worsts of the year, these are among the ones I chose to share... may you enjoy and laugh at these little sentiments
02 January 2008
A New Year State of Mind
New Year's is a time for new beginnings, a new start essentially for anything you want to better about yourself. I started my new year by taking a risk, I made eyes at a complete and total stranger on the bus from New York to VB, until he invited me to the empty seat next to him where we talked for the majority of the 7 hour trip. He was really cute, really nice and we had quite the interesting conversation. Honestly, how many times do you meet a stranger that you can talk to for 7 hours and not find them boring or in any way trite.
We got to VB, and parted ways. No numbers, no e-mails, no last names, just the experience of having talked to each other for the duration of the trip. Probably dumb on my part, but you know... you live and you learn.
Here are my projects for 2008:
We got to VB, and parted ways. No numbers, no e-mails, no last names, just the experience of having talked to each other for the duration of the trip. Probably dumb on my part, but you know... you live and you learn.
Here are my projects for 2008:
- Never drink vodka again (I know I have said something similar before... this time I'm for real)
- Drink less
- Get into a regular exercise routine
- Eat healthier
- Read at least 1 non industry book a month
- Write 1 short story every two months
- Meet nice guys, and go out on at least one date (I find it hard to believe that I am 23 and haven't exactly been out on a date)
- Stay Positive (My whole living situation in Detroit really took a toll on my positivity... I still have a little ways to go to get back to my old self)
- Figure out what I want, and go for it
- Repel the guys I am not interested and attract the nice ones I am interested in
- Trust myself, others and the world- everything will fall into place as it already has
So this seems like quite the list... lets see how I do. 2008 here I come!
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