What We Hold Dear to our Hearts

I find it interesting that so many who would be in my position would speak totally and completely of their work. I mean a year volunteering should prove most interesting and valuable in terms of life experience. My year is full of valuable experience in that sense, but full of even more in terms of friends and relationships.

I am a people person, thus my most valuable experiences happen with other people as opposed to in the work place. At work, I am learning that I need independence and variety to be content. I will not be content if you give me filing, because there is absolutely nothing challenging about it (for me anyways).

As I have already said, it is the people I meet and the connections I make that prove to be the most valuable to me and my experiences.

A Christmas to Remember

Fine, we haven't made it to Christmas yet... A weekend to remember, even though there have been A LOT of those this year.

A weekend to remember.

My weekend started on Friday when I joined the every night party at the JV house at 6pm. I ate dinner with them, watched I heart Huckabees with them (thanks to me) and the hung out and played risk with them. Well, I heart Huckabees was me, Josh, Tim and Shannan. the boys and I had seen it before and it was Shannan's first time seeing it. The sheer brilliance of that movie is insurmountable.
We started the game of risk at 11:30ish, the game went on until 3 am. Apparently Josh and I, the two least likely to ever take over the world have pretty good strategies. I build up armies in Australia while he just finds a random country to put troops in. Okay, so I lucked out and ended up getting Australia in the beginning of the game, but still i would have tried for it if I were anywhere close to it. Ya know how it is. Anyways, josh and I were tired of playing so we saw who had the most troops on the board, and called them the winner. Josh won. We then formulated an epic story to tell the others about how the game ended. As legend has it, Josh reinforced his troops to India while i stockpiled in Mongolia. Then we fought to the death and it was Josh's tactile rolling that really saved his troops...

so yeah I am a nerd, but no longer queen of the world. Note to self: despite the fact that I am a novice player, Tim said he would offer me no advice because I won the last game. Tim is a meanie.

the only reason i didn't stay over the JV house on Friday night is because i needed to make cookie dough for the huge cookie making thing on Sunday at my house. SO i went home and got up at 9am to make 5 batches of dough. Around the time Mary was waking up (11ish) josh called and asked if he could come chill at our place until his car was done... so he did. I spent time with josh instead of Mary... woo hoo... josh helped us do recycling and then we took him to Firestone, and went home. i was home for about 10 mins when Shannan called and asked if i wanted to do coffee. I of course said yes since our coffee pot broke that morning... bummer. But a quick coffee outing turned into a 4 hour coffee break. how awesome is that? I got home around 4:30, enough time to shower and eat before leaving at 6:30 to go get gas and see Christmas lights and go to a Christmas party with the JVs. I got home that night around 12:30...

The JVs are fun people and to be quite honest, I feel comfortable enough with them to allow myself to be vulnerable. That says a lot. Isn't that what this year is supposed to be about? Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable? too bad i cant do that at home all the time.

Sunday I woke up, finished my Christmas cards and then worked on Christmas presents for friends and roommates. Anita's I put a lot of time and thought into, Mary's i just made pretty with something very easy to do. When Anita got home we took those 5 batches of dough and the three of us turned them into delectable cookies. Mary's looked like monsters from the way she flattened them... mine looked like cookies. Mary wasn't feeling well, so when she went up stairs, Anita and I finished the cookies and Made the JV gingerbread men. they were awesome... we planned out decorations for each one and then took them over to them. they easily guessed their cookies (which was the point) and they were as excited about them as I was!! I was ecstatic to see that because i was REALLY REALLY excited about them. For me Tim, Josh, Shannan and Elisabeth were easiest to cookieize. :-D YAY for cookie people.

Take 5

As Christmas draws nearer, I am more thankful than I have ever been before that I have a home to return to for the Holidays. It is not just that I miss my family, missing my family would never prevent me from following my heart. I have learned that in order for me to fulfill my potential I must ever branch outward, and my family understands. That is why I am here in Detroit. No, this time my family and home provide an escape from this crazy life I am living. It has gotten to the point where neither Anita nor I can be ourselves around Mary. We keep our mouths shut so that we wont offend her or say something that can be horribly misconstrued by her. There is no working with her.
Recently she wrote me a very attacking and hurtful note after I did something dumb, and quite frankly embarrassing. Its not that I couldn't admit that I was wrong in the situation, if I maintained that I was right then sure she can attack me all she wants. But I admitted I was wrong and was sorry, that we all make mistakes. When I said how hurtful the letter was, she said good that it was meant to feel that way.
Do you know how much more it hurt when she said that she meant it to hurt? She intended to hurt someone she lives with, when that person made a mistake.
I don't hold grudges, but its going to take a while for me to trust her again. I was just starting to trust her, and then she goes and does something like that. With all the progress the three of us were making with communication between each other, she goes and completely squanders it all with a note... a stupid hurtful note that hurt even more when she said it was meant to. How broken a person do you have to be to make others feel as broken as you.
Let me just say that if I weren't committed to my work, and to Anita, I would pick up and leave. If it were me alone here with Mary, I would pick up and leave. No amount of experience is worth being treated like half a person. Its just sad that when we try to talk to regional coordinators about things, they are blind to everything going wrong. They think that it is just an inability for three people to communicate. What they don't see is that Anita and I get along just fine, we work together just fine, we can tell each other problems we have with one another, we are open to each other. Mary and I, Mary and Anita though are completely closed off... and not for lack of trying. We are afraid to open ourselves up to her because when we do, she deliberately hurts us.

GREAT! I'm in an abusive relationship that I can't get out of unless I quit the program. But, I can't quit, Anita and I promised each other that if nothing else we would be the reason each other stayed in the program. If she goes I go, and visa versa.

SO for this reason I am glad to get away. I get away to the JV house all the time, but I think Virginia Beach is far enough away that for the time being I can relax and just forget about life for a while. That is what I need. Life happens so fast here that I hardly have a chance to blink. If I do I could miss something really grand.

An Interesting Observation

I don't know what it is about Detroit, but I think I am losing weight. My pants that fit me perfectly before I left are now loose enough for me to pull down without unbuttoning them... not that you care really, but you tend to notice when you seem to have gone down a whole pant size in a matter of 4 months without meaning too. Not that I am complaining, but it is just peculiar.

Fun After Dark

Instead of hitting the town and going to the really chique Martini Bar where there are half off drinks on Monday Night, myself, Anita, Shannan, Tim and Elizabeth spent our Monday night playing the Game settlers at My house. Okay so board games are kinda dorky, but ultimately fun... and with this one you can take revenge and be manipulative and vindictive as you never are in real life.

While Anita explained the game to the group (Tim helped her), I made Hot Coco or Cider for everyone at the table. As per usual, I end up getting to put down my pieces last which is fun because then I get to put two in a row. I planned my game as such: I secured my two settlements with roads and then proceeded to build out further until I had the longest road. Once I secured places with my roads, I would then build up settlements and cities and hopefully win the game.

Wouldn't you know Tim, he got mad at me for squandering a settlement he wanted to make and decided to take it out on my longest road... he took my longest road. Sadness. every time I was the robber after that I took it out on Tim.

Shannan and Elizabeth, though they were newbies to the game, played very well. I was impressed and even though I won the first time I played... it was completely accidental. So i commend them on their outstanding playing.

Anita ended up winning... as she always does, of course because she had played the game the longest. One of us will beat her one day soon... one day soon. Tim was actually upset when Anita won... okay so i lie... it was all fun and games.


On a side note: this particular day had been very good for me and I was on cloud 9 when i got home. I had been listening to a new CD I made and dancing around to the songs. Then, when Anita got home, i was laying on the couch with a grin on my face and in a position that she said looked like i was in love and had just been proposed to. What a wonder it is to fall in love with life again. I try to find a reason to fall in love with life every day... for what ever reason that may be. No, at the moment there is no guy in my life, for anyone who read that last blog... therefore i am not actually in love with a person (in case you were wondering). Not saying there is no possibility of it, but not right now.

Much love and fall in love with life :-)

Horoscopes are a funny thing

So, this was my horoscope for today:

So a romantic mistake was made. Why dwell on it? In the end, you may find that it wasn't actually a mistake at all -- instead, it was more of a detour that took you on a surprisingly enriching and delightful path.


??????????????????????

Of Lies and Thanksgiving

So before anyone can say anything about it, yes I was supposed to be in the Thanksgiving Parade here in Detroit. Now I am no longer going to be in the parade. The committee originally told us 10 puppets but failed to say that they wanted ONLY 10 people. What they did not realize was that the Puppets we have require more than one person to operate, so we needed more than 10 people. We were able to keep all the puppets we wanted, minus the snake that took 6 people. The sacrifice though is that we are still going to be using half the number of people. Because we had already promised kids they could be in the parade, I volunteered to be taken out of the parade so a kid could stay in it.

I will still be there to take pictures, but this year will not be my year to be nationally televised. Bummer!

My day will come, just not right now.

Howard Zinn Notes

As Promised, here are my notes from the Howard Zinn Lecture:

Leaders always have the power to manipulate the people
IF Stone
Public needs to know history- Multiple choice tests= bubble in history... they hide the real issues
Socialist
We go to war to "civilize" or "Liberate"- sounds like imperialism to me
Were building a wall to prevent the Mexicans from coming into the territory we took from them
When someone sits on 600000 Nuclear Weapons and then says that God tells him to do
something... shouldn't we worry?
Conflict between rich and poor- Gov= rich
exceptions when workers actually took action
U.S. is not #1- we have a record of violent expansion- ethnic cleansing?
Langston Hughes- Colombia
Our law is f*ed up- Habeus corpus is null and void anymore
Patriotism- support our gov... no that is totalitarianism
Govt Created of people, by the people and for the people-- therefore we have the power to
alter or abolish the government
People have to Make the Change
Government cannot continue if people fail to obey
Millions of people doing small things-- it builds up
Great question is one you cannot answer
War is a quick fix and it kills the people you think you're saving.
EVERY war is a war against children
Movements Good!!!! they change you
Working together for something you believe in, that makes life worth living

Until last night, i had forgotten what it was like to just lose yourself in the world around you. I accompanied JV Shannon to the cloud cult concert. I only just heard of them and yet there was something in their music that was just right. Had you been watching me, you would have thought that i was not enjoying myself. Quite the contrary, I loved it. There were several songs that just flooded my thoughts and opened my mind. I cant really explain it because its kind of a weird feeling, but just trust me that it was an incredible experience.

Here are lyrics to one of the songs that stuck with me:

I heard grandpa on my transistor radio,
Though he turned in his bones twenty years ago,
And he said, "Kid, theres something that I'd like to show you,
Get your things, its time for us to go"
So I grabbed my backpack, my flashlight, and a bag of caramel corn,
I got my bicycle, and the radio, and I had it on the road, I said
"I'm ready for what I'm about to see, Yup"

I headed north to rain that turned to snow
Through rusty towns and dusty gravel roads
And I said, "Grandpa, where is this thing you wanted to show me?"
He said, "Kid, you got a long way to go"
So I went through canyons, caves and catacombs, I sailed on bicycle boats
I slept in chapels and brothels, I met the nicest folks
I said, "I'm ready for what I'm about to see, Yup"

I heard grandpa on my transistor radio
He said, "Kid, its time for me to go,
And I know that there was something that I wanted to show you,
But its time for you to find it on your own."
"Let me tell you about rage when a signal died that day,
Theres nothing out there and I don't care; Its to take my life away
I'm not ready and I don't want to see, Nope"

Its been years since I heard my transistor radio
Yet I keep going to where it seems I'm meant to go
And I finally realized what he wanted to show me
Where I've been, where I am, its the show
Where I've been, where I am, its the show
Where I've been, where I am, its the show

Before and after the show, we met some really cool people, including the bassist. We all talked and chilled and then Shannon and I had to go because, alas, we had work in the morning. Stupid work.

I am starting to think about that dreaded question "what next?" Where do I want to be? what is my next step? What road will I choose? And, how will i get there?

I have a few thoughts, but i wont share them now... gotta keep you guys in suspense. How many of those, though, involve going back to Virginia Beach? to Virginia? Ideally none of them. Virginia I love you, but you're just not for me anymore.

...

Have you ever been to a barrel burning party? Until Saturday night I had not. Now I can officially cross that off of my life goals because I have now been to a barrel burning party.


what is a barrel burning party, you ask? well as I see it, this type of party involves burning wood in one of those metal trash barrels like they do at Christmas tree lots. see these friends of a friend of mine are refurbishing the rectory of an old church, and for some reason decided to have a party at this location involving burning wood in a barrel. interesting life I lead here huh?


Also that night, I went to a dance performance with my roommate and her coworker. There was some really awesome stuff and some really bad stuff. Like the sparkly red outfit this one lady wore in the last dance. What was the designer thinking? the material was ALL wrong, it was falling apart, AND they gave her black bloomers. the only reason, according to my roommate the dancer, you put black bloomers on under a red dress is if she is going to take it off and make a statement. (you ask why i talk about costumes as if i actually knew what were talking about? well matrix let me design costumes for the show, so i am therefore able to talk like i have some authority on the subject)

All of that happened on Saturday night.

Friday night was uneventful, all Anita and i did was watch a movie after we got home from working the show... and might i just say that i am glad one of my roommates was not banned from working box office for matrix. Quite possibly because she switched into teacher mode when around Elaine's daughter and her friend... which was hilarious (or so I was told).

Thursday night, after Anita picked me up from the show, we were out until 1 am. Why were we out until 1? Well, we decided to have a drink at LJs bar and then meet Tim, Paul and James (Tim's friend) out somewhere to chill... well that turned into them coming to LJ's and singing karaoke. Fun times spent with the JV boys. Yes, James is a JV boy too, only he is JV International (which I coincidentally considered for a while). In any case, can I just say, in the strictest confidence, that if I wasn't aware James was going to Nicaragua for 2 years (which is also coincidentally one of the sites I was looking at when I was looking at JVI) I would have been flirting with him. Mostly I think it was the type of people person he is, it was very attractive. Anyways, Thursday night was fun and we had bonding time with the JVs :-)

Bouncing back to Sunday for a moment (then I promise I will close this very random entry), I went with the JVs (Shannon, Josh, Paul, Tim, and James) to see Howard Zinn... He was a dynamic speaker and basically reaffirmed every reason for me being here *Note to self: posts talk notes as entry* What a fun week

SNOW?!

Since when does it snow in November? Okay so I have seen snow in November before, but it was at the end of November. Certainly not November 1, 2, and 3. Apparently it snows in November in Detroit.

Yes I realize that I am used to the relatively mild winters of Virginia where fall lingers until the beginning of January and you only get a glimpse of what might be considered winter before that. The past couple years, winter has definitely started in December with the ice and snow storms at JMU that meddled with Final Exams. I still find it interesting. Surely everyone who has ever lived in the northern part of the country away from the coast is laughing at my bafflement of the snow before December, but you know what? I'm okay with that.

A Slight Draft

I realize that the description of my blog promises adventure, and not much adventure has been written about. I apoligize.

To fulfill my promise, I must tell you this story. We have been having problems with our car window, so we had resolved not to roll the window down until it was fixed. Problem, Anita had a doctors appointment where she had to roll it down to take a ticket for parking. Damn! Window gets stuck down and refuses to go back up. In the middle of the day, I happen to stop by home to pick up shirts that i left by accident. I notice Anita there, and she tells me what happened. I run outside and tell mary to go on, that I will get a ride with anita... and i proceed to help her temporarily seal the window with a little drop cloth and packing tape. All the while we are fixing it, it is snowing... not sticking, but snowing hard enough to be an inconvenience to our efforts. We of course get it up and but as soon as we take it to the dealership, they roll it back down again...

go figure

Cast of Characters

I realize I have talked alot about my work here recently. Now that is largely a part of why I am here, but that is not the only reason I am here. I do want to foster new relationships with in the challenge of also being committed to a community life. That is a HUGE challenge for me since I do not feel like a community with Mary half of the time.

I have however made friends with people in the area. The JVs for instance live in Mexicantown. Not too far from corktown, but far enough away to be escaping a little. During the world series, I spent alot of time over their house watching the depressing games as the tigers did not come out on top. Together we also have wednesday nights at the Mercy house (which started out as project runway for all of you who remember girls nights) and on occasion Monday nights (half price Martini nights) at Proof. We helped each other come up with halloween costumes, go to movies together, and ingeneral chill out. Josh, Shannon, Tim and Paul are the ones who frequent our company. I think we all enjoy the time we get away from our individual communities, because its not that we dont love who we live with but rather we take it for what its worth and get away from time to time to not burn out.

Through Josh we have met several people he works with over at Crossroads... dont ask me what it is because i forget, but i do know that it is always interesting to hear what he does. Some of the people he works with are former volunteers, like his supervisor and then some are jsut there to fill in spare time like Bob from maine. Bob from maine is certainly less crazy than Mary, so i can therefore conclude that all people from Maine are not crazy lunitics. But then he is also closer to my age and applying to medical schools... so maybe just all old people from maine are crazy. I dont know.

One of the other volunteers in the area that came to us all through Andy and Leslie is Tyler. He is from Alabama and a Methodist Volunteer here for two years and working at the NOAH project. The NOAH project has this big soup kitchen/ lunch line that is run out of Central United Methodist Church about a block away from Comerica Park. I dont really know much more about the project or this kid than what I have just said.

In and out of town have been Nile (Anita's Boyfriend), Jessica (Pauls Girlfriend), guy who is pauls friend, and a plethora of other cameo appearences from friends of the volunteers.

Andy and Leslie are former volunteers who are now married. They live in the cutest loft off of michigan and are probably one of the cutest couples in the world... almost as cute as mary and mike rodihan. Leslie is a former mercy and Andy a former JV, they met in their year of service (which i happened to visit during), fell in love and were recently married. How adorable. But after Anita found out that Leslie went to my school, she now jokes that I will Marry a Jesuite Volunteer... no offense to any of them but its not likely.

From my Left hand

So in an effort to make myself fully ambidextrous I take free time to just basically write with my left hand in a stream of conscious style. Here are some results:

Here in Detroit is where i now live. I miss Virginia but not enough to go back. I am trying to teach myself to write with my left hand and to teach myself Gaelic. It was sad when the tigers lost the world series, but they are a young team and there is always next year. Mary is getting aggravating. Monday Anita and I went to a bar with Josh, Shannon, and Paul to meet up with some of the people Josh works with. They are fun and I had a long talk with one named Bob. Yesterday was Halloween and I got stuck in a Laundromat like corduroy the bear. Anita and I are not speaking to Mary right now. she said she was not willing to compromise so we walked out of the room and spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what went wrong.


And there you have it, a story worthy of a first grader.

This place is starting to get to me

As much as I enjoy my work and the city I am in, Life here is starting to get to me. By that I mean that home life is starting to get to me. By that I mean that Mary is starting to get to me. I don't mean to single her out, but she is not an easy person to live with. Half the time she doesn't listen to what Anita and I are actually saying, which causes miscommunication, which I in turn try to fix (because i stupidly put myself in as a mediator), which is starting to frustrate me since it doesn't seem to be helping and Mary still seems to not listen, which is causing me to be impatient. I suppose I shouldn't have stepped in as a mediator in the first place, but if I am the one who can see there is a problem and is willing to take the time to try to work through it, then I will. But again, it gets tiring when Mary doesn't seem to realize that there is a problem and Anita has become so frustrated with it that she just doesn't want to try anymore.

is it sad that last week I wanted to be at the theatre, being given a hard time by one of the actresses, rather than be at home alone with Mary while Anita was at her Med school interview?

Personally, I think it is extremely sad. I don't want to get to the point where I avoid going home, but at the same time if being at home causes me more stress than being at work, then I would rather be at work.

Furthermore, Mary will often talk about things she doesn't understand. The play for example, Mary started telling Rita Mary (the nun she works with at the Bishops office) that I was working late nights last week for the play. I told Mary from the beginning that show week was going to be crazy, but that Matrix would compensate for the extra time I spent there. And yet I have Rita Mary approaching me at mass saying she is sorry I have such long hours at Matrix. I was just like wait a minute, I don't want you to get the wrong idea here, I was there willingly... no one forced me to be there.... that is part of the show, a part of the show that I love being part of.

As far as communication goes, I feel like I have tried and tried and tried with Mary and yet nothing works... sooner or later I am going to just stop trying. I can already see my frustration coming out in other situations... like that actress who says I do nothing, I wouldn't be surprised if part of my problem with her is as a result of communication road blocks at home. I hate to be one of those people who cant separate issues at home from issues at work... but at the same time, you know that it is really starting to get to me if i can no longer maintain that separation...

Life in the Fast Lane

The past couple of weeks have been a blur. I suppose that is what happens when you're getting ready for a show. On the one hand, Costumes were 100% complete for opening night. My first professional show, with A LOT of responsibility and A LOT of detail work, was a success. Oddly enough none of it really seemed like work to me. I had fun making the costumes, though i was afraid to use chiffon since I had never used it before. I had fun rummaging through thrift stores hunting out costumes that could fit the time period. I had fun making sure the characters looked good next to each other when they needed to and clashed when they needed to. And I certainly had fun creating my baby... this white dress that started out looking like a choir robe. We took the bottom layer out of it and used it to make a sash. We took the dress in to fit the actress. We took of the sleeves and made a hat. Add a boa, shoes, and gloves and you have a fabulous Easter dress. I am blessed to have an opportunity like this just out of school... especially when I didnt study it per se.
It has been a pleasure working on this show, and I am going to be sad (and relieved) when it is all over. I have met quite a few awesome people, maybe I can keep in touch with them. I have gained alot of hands on experience. And, more importantly I like to feel like Ive made a difference. Maybe one day I can head up a theatre as cool as Matrix, with such an amazing mission. Im not going to lie, it is HARD WORK... quite a bit harder in many ways than I have ever done before. It was worth it though and despite everything I feel like I have grown as a result of it.
What can I say, a little bit of hard work, intuition, ingeneuity and dedication and you can accomplish anything.

Thank you Boomtown, Thank you Matrix

Easily Amused

Today as we left the house, I climbed into Mary's jeep and saw a little burger king toy on my seat. I picked it up and looked at it, thought it was a voice recorder and asked Mary if i could open it. She said sure, so i did. It wasn't working as a voice recorder, but as i read the instructions i discovered it was rather a little radio. Well imagine my amusement when i hit the scan button and it fell upon my favorite radio station here. In my amusement i distracted Mary and she missed the turn for Mercy Ed... twice. Not once but twice. I didn't actually think i would have to direct someone to the work site we go to EVERYDAY. Even so, the miniature radio is my new favorite toy.

Much to my amusement, Mary and I walked into Mercy Ed in hysterics. Rose, Toni and Shannon looked at us like we were crazy, so I explained. Rose was so amused by the radio that even though she hates fast food, she is going to go to burger king just to get that toy. For once fast food has created something useful.

Surrealism at its best

Life in Detroit is Surreal. This week at Our Lady of Guadelupe one of the girls fathers died. He didnt just die, but he was killed in a gang related incident. Just hearing Anita talk about how she and the other extended day staff were specifically told to go to the wake in a group during daylight sent chills up my spine. They have to be so cautious though because of the gang involvement, well really it is more like the mexican mafia, but you catch my drift. She described the funeral as chilling. She had to feel for the family and be there in the moment, while also keeping one eye alert to possible incidents that might occur. To be at a funeral and have to be thinking of the best way to get her girls to the floor if a gun were fired must be one of the most nerve racking things to experience. Anita said that it was even more of a shock and tear jerker to see just how well the girl was taking the situation. The girl came in one day wearing her father's teeshirt. She looked at Anita and said she liked the way it smelled like her father. Just hearing that is absolutely incredible and insane to think about. I cant even imagine what i would have done.

To be quite honest, I am very happy here. Its not for any one reason, but for many little things. Mostly though, I think I just needed a change of pace. I love Virginia Beach and Harrisonburg, but they had become to routine and I was bored with them. I need something new for a while and Detroit is it.

I still find it hard to believe that in so many ways, Detroit seems dead. There are less cars on the road in Detroit at 8pm than there are in Virginia Beach at 3am. You think I am kidding? I'm not. As a result of my being costume mistress for Boomtown 1925, I have researched 1920 Detroit quite a bit. I think there were more people on the road in 1920 at 3am than there are in Detroit now at 8pm. Its quite an interesting difference to see. I mean for a city to be big and bustling, really the place to be, in one decade and like a ghost town 80 years later is uncanny.

Heart wrenching

Education is a powerful weapon in our world today. Without it our society seems to keep you stuck under a bar. Few people rise above the bar with ease, and others have to fight their way to even get to the bar. I am fortunate to have had the chance to earn a good education and to choose to stick with it. I am even more fortunate to be working with women who, for one reason or another, did not have that chance but have chosen to come back and keep working towards it. The stories some of these women tell are amazing and inspiring, as I have already mentioned.

These women face challenges each day and they keep going. It kills me, though, to see one of these women hit a major road block that they cannot control or overcome. One woman today had to say good bye. She is not failing or unsuccessful with the program, but rather she can no longer afford bus fare to get to the facility. I wish I could help her out in some way, but our organization cannot pay for bus fare for the women and I am unable to give her a ride for many reasons. The thing is you start making connections with the students and you want to see them succeed... It is hard then to accept the fact that they may not reach their goal because of bus fare.

Yes I do know that in some cases, it is more the fact that they won't try to make things work rather than not being able too... but what kills me is the sheer fact that bus fare is a road block to education here, not only with adults but with children too.

It had been a while since I last felt that everything was in place and right where it should be. I have never been one who needs to know exactly where I am headed, but I have felt lost for quite a while. I didn't want a plan, just direction; yet, I couldn't even figure out where I was at. For me that was something I needed to figure out so I could decide where I wanted to go.

I didn't decide on Detroit, Detroit chose me after I decided to join Mercy Volunteer Corps. Actually, it chose me before i decided on MVC because it was not until I learned of the Matrix Theatre that I even thought of MVC. So really, Detroit and Matrix chose me. It too me a while to finally say yes to the call, but I did. Who knew I would find a job in theatre doing a little bit of everything that i would absolutely fall in love with. Apparently it was in someones plan.

Don't get me wrong, I love my work at Mercy Education Project. The women i tutor and work with are inspiring in every sense of the word. The only thing with that is I realize i am not a teacher. Already there have been moments where it takes me twenty minutes to explain something, just for the woman to go to one of the other tutors and have it explained better than I could in a matter of seconds. I am not a teacher, not the kind they need anyway. I realize that about myself and yet i still go and do the best I can there. The women are my motivation. If they can go in there day after day, take things seriously and work as hard as they can just to get an education, then i can go in there day after day and work as hard as i can do be what they need and do the best I can. Its a give and take relationship there, for me anyways. Like i said though, its not me.

Theatre, on the other hand, is right up my alley. Raise your hand if you knew just from hearing me talk about film and theatre, or from seeing any show i have worked one that I would end up in theatre some how. That should be all hands raised. How many of you wondered exactly why i wasn't involved in the plays in college? Yea, i often wondered about that too, but i wanted to do other things in college. I suppose i figured that i would be there soon enough, I didn't want to burn out.

For whatever reason, I took a break from theatre. Now that i am back in it, I never want it to end. After learning about Matrix's mission to create theatre for social justice and learning that there are more theatres out there that specifically work for this kind of thing, I want to do this work in either theatre or film. It just took me a little while for me to figure out where I need to be. This, however, is a great way for me to blend my desire to work for social justice and my passion for creativity in theatre or film. Isn't it interesting how things work out?

Quite a Tail

As roommate to a member of Our Lady of Guadalupe Middle School for girls Extended day staff, I have the wonderful privilege to be asked to volunteer chaperon their "Super Saturday" activities. I of course say "yes," how could i pass up a free trip to the zoo and free lunch just for watching over 8 girls as they get a tour? It was like i was back at summer camp.

For the most part, they were middle school girls. They wanted to see how far they could stretch their bounds before I called them to come back to the group. We really just needed to cage them up and put them on exhibit because middle schoolers are some of the most interesting creatures to watch in their natural habitat. As frustrating as they may be, tell me that it is not intriguing to watch them make a big deal about the tiniest detail as if their world would come crumbling down if it went wrong. In a way its a whole different culture, completely worthy of an anthropological study.

Anyways, the zoo itself was wonderful. So many animals to see, so little time. My favorite animal that we saw was this fuzzy mammal that gives off a pheromone that smells like popcorn or fritos... although it made me want popcorn. I wanted to see the lions, but the guide didn't have time to fit that in because she wanted to make sure we saw the kangaroos, the polar bears, and the penguins. I did love seeing them, but I wanted to see the big cats.
I finally saw, in person, a scarlet ibis. Gorgeous birds, though they always make me think of this really sad story that I read in Ninth grade literature class.
My favorite part of the day was definitely seeing the girls enthralled by the Llamas. Actually they weren't enthralled by the llamas, but when the guide asked them what their favorite animal was they all said llama. In effort to make their day better, the guide took them to the llamas, the girls weren't too thrilled with that.

On the way home, I happened to be sitting next to Tim on the bus (Tim is the Jesuite Volunteer that works with Anita at OLG). The girls were pestering him and decided to do the whole "do you have a girlfriend" routine:
"do you have a girlfriend?"
" Yes"
"what's her name?"
"Jennifer"
They then turn to me and say
"Ms. Trail, whats your first name?"
"Maura"
"Oh"
Of course, because I am sitting next to Tim, I am automatically the girlfriend that he speaks of... right? That is until I say my name is Maura.

Its a Mold Thing

Let's talk about mold. Apparently one of my my roommates, lets call her Q, is highly allergic to mold, a common happenstance in old houses like the one we live in. Now, Q decided to call our land lord and attempt to get it all taken care of... so she complained about the basement, the ceilings and the bathroom. Now the bathroom was certainly legitimate since there was actually a mushroom growing in it... remind me to post a picture. Well the land lady got us a dehumidifier for the basement, but of course it doesn't work, and she had someone investigate the bathroom. As soon as the land lady said that she was going to fix the bathroom, Q decided to up and move to this retreat center while it is fixed. By the end of it all she will have been out there for two weeks. So G, my other roommate, and I decided to stay in the house until last Sunday and then head to the retreat center while they did work on the house. We thought work would begin last Tuesday after they checked the house out, but of course it didn't. it will begin next Monday, so G and I moved back into Detroit to avoid the 45 minute commute in the morning while Q stayed at the retreat center.
First of all, Q needs to get her act together because the house will not be any better once the bathroom is fixed because they are leaving the basement as is. The basement is probably causing her more problems than the rest of our house, but the land lady is doing nothing to the basement because it would cost WAY to much to fix up... in the sense that she would have to completely finish the basement.
I guess what i am saying is that it is completely illogical for Q to stay out 45 minutes away for two full weeks.
1. It wastes Gas, which is expensive right now... and she has a gas guzzler
2. It splits up the community
3. It is replicating the late 70's flee to the suburbs
4. She gets lost enough already
not to mention I am a tad irked still that she didn't even try to work it out as a community, she just said that she was leaving until the bathroom was fixed. And no offense to her, but saying "i don't care what you guys do" does not mean that we worked it out as a community. I feel like she has some issues, or rather discomforts about the city that she refuses to tell me and G about... but when we have a community that is supposed to be open about sharing concerns, and she doesn't share there's not much we can do.

Moral of the story: just because there is a fungus among us, does not mean you should run away...

... and mold was just an excuse for Maura to vent about the situation

The Funny Thing About Irony

I had a thought as I was driving home from the theatre today. I think I am going to start walking to the theatre and possibly home from as well. It's been two weeks and I feel comfortable with the area. I love walking, and it cuts down on environmental pollution; so, why not. Walking home will give me time to clear my head and just relax, not to mention that I will not end up a couch potato if I stay active.

No harm in that, right? Where's the irony? Well, no more than five minutes later, I walk into my house on Leverette. Anita and Mary are already home, and happen to be talking about an assault that happened yesterday or the day before. A sister (at least i think it was a sister) was assaulted getting into her car. The two men tried to shove her in the trunk, but she wouldn't fit because she kept a lot of junk in it. The men ended up breaking her nose and then driving off with her purse and car. Even more interesting is the fact that she never goes out after dark, so it had to have happened during the hours of daylight..

Old Tiger's Stadium is literally just down the street from me. Don't worry folks, I won't be walking anywhere anytime soon... much to my chagrin

Matrix Theatre= Heaven

As many of you know I am working part time at this little theatre in Detroit. Matrix Theatre truly is an amazing place. Shaun, the founder and executive director, wanted theatre to be accessible to everyone, and wanted there to be a place for the community to explore social concerns and the like through theatre. Quite an awesome concept if you ask me. My time here will be well spent and I am going to come out of the year with more experience than I had originally imagined.

After talking with Shaun about my interests, experience and future plans, we decided on projects for me have a great experience while still serving the community. Here is what we came up with:
-Costumes for "Boomtown 1925"
-Puppet Christmas Carol script work
-Mask-making after school program
-Stage Managing for "Jesus in da Hood"
-Something with Marsh Magic
-Creative Camp (an extension of marsh magic).
How cool is that?

For anyone wondering, Boomtown 1925 is a play that was written in one of the theatre workshops a couple years ago and this is the second or third time being performed here. It was written about and set in Detroit.

At times I feel a little guilty about loving my service so much, but at the same time I think it was me who said that I wanted to use my gifts to the best of my ability. I suppose it just fits.


As far as Mercy Education Project, I am working with the women's program, mostly one on one tutoring and helping out with the language/reading classes. Boy are they going to make good use of my English Degree. It was interesting reading through some of the test booklets and seeing what these women will be studying. I never realized just how much I take for granted in regards to my own language, and how hard it must be to learn if you did not grow up speaking it. Things like sentence structure, reading labels, telling time, punctuation, etc. are things I have never really though twice about knowing, yet these women struggle to learn them.

Working with these women is extremely humbling. It is amazing to hear their struggles and stories about how they finally decided that they wanted to go back to school. The work is not always easy... in fact it is never easy, but while I am helping them learn the basics of our wonderful language they are helping to teach me patience and appreciation.

JVs: The Other Volunteers

Last week we finally made contact with the Jesuit volunteers in the area. There are 8 of them. Wow, I wish I lived in that house. I have nothing against my roommates, believe me I love them. It's just that my house has a bit of a calm that I am not used to. Whether at home, the dorm, or my apartment, there was always something going on in my living space and so I am still adjusting to having a fairly quiet house. I will get used to it soon enough and quite possibly miss it when I am gone (not likely, but you never know). In any case, it is nice to have finally met more people near our age and with a lot of energy.

As I said, there are 8 of them. 5 girls (Logan, Elizabeth, Meg, Shannon and Sheila) and 3 guys (Tim, Paul, and Josh). I work with Shannon over at MEP and Anita works with Tim at OLG. Collectively they are so much fun to be around and individually interesting each in their own respect.

The first night we really met them as a whole was at Anita's OLG Picnic. The picnic itself was fun and eventful in the sense that we met alot of interesting people; most of them were spouses of Anita and Tim's coworkers. Much to my shagrin, I discovered that there is something in raw vegetables that I am allergic to, quite possibly a pesticide or chemical used on them. All I can say about this is that Maura is NOT happy about this new found allergy. Anyways, after the picnic, the JV's made a stop at our place. From there we walked to a bar that is down the street and around the corner, where one of Anita's coworkers was working that night. Of course, since we are living on a stipend, we only had 1-2 drinks.... not that I wanted any more than that, I am just saying. That night's little adventure was a great way to get to know the group, and we all had a lot of fun.

Monday night I went out with them again to a Martini Bar where Martinis are half price on Monday. Fair enough. I had a long day, wanted to go play and so I did. It was pouring by the time we got there, so one drink was good enough to warm us all up as we sat and chilled. Appearently the JV group carried on this tradition from last year's group. I can honestly say that I enjoy that tradition. We had fun, bonded and life is good.

I look forward to more adventures with these crazy JV kids...

A Tiger Tail

I am a baseball fan.

And what do baseball fans like to do?

Go to games. So, even though I am predominantly a Boston fan and the Detroit Tigers have never been one of my teams, as I sat in the stands on Tuesday night past I found myself rooting whole heartedly for the Tigers. What can I say really? I get into the game, and might I say that it is much too difficult to get into the game if you couldn't care less about either team. The game was fun, energetic in the stands but a little lackluster on the field. From my point of view, the fielders bailed Rogers out of quite a few sticky situations. Sadly the pitcher who went to ODU in Norfolk and now Pitches for the Tigers did not play in Tuesday's game. It was something about him playing the night before and needing rest. Bah to rest... For anyone who could not guess, I was joking with that last comment. In any case i wanted to see him play because Tom, my older brother was raving about him. He is apparently a brilliant pitcher and now I need to catch a game on TV if I want to see him play. All I can say is that if the Tigers get to the play offs and beyond, Detroit is going to go nuts. I can't wait!

Oh and let me clear something up. Anytime that I mention to someone, be it friends who know what I am doing here or volunteers from other organizations, something is always said about the fact that we have cable at my house. Apparently having cable is not constituted as living simply, nor is having dial up Internet. My response to that is: so what? The thing with the cable is that 3 years ago the Bishop heard that the Mercy volunteers did not have Cable and since you can get maybe one channel with out cable (and not a very good one at that), and he wanted the volunteers to be able to keep up with whats going on in the world (since the news papers here suck) he decided to buy cable for us. Okay so maybe I choose to use it to watch Project Runway once a week, or an occasional Daily Show with John Stewart... the point is that I am keeping up with some part of the world or some facet of culture. And who knows... If Anita finds that she is totally out of the loop with the girls she is working with, then maybe we will have to educate ourselves in the wonders of hip-hop and pop culture. If it comes down to that, I certainly consider that work as part of my ministry... because certainly little miss white girl from the suburbs of Virginia knows nothing about hip-hop and rap which happens to be a rather large part of today's kids culture.

As for the dial-up Internet, if you have never actually been exposed to dial-up then you might consider it a commodity. In fact, it is not in any way a commodity... except maybe that it costs a bit more than cable Internet, and it allows you to be connected to the outside world. It is slow, time consuming, and honestly it makes me not want to go anywhere within a 30 foot radius of the computer at our house, which is why we have Internet at work. Not only these, but you can't talk on the phone at the same time as being on the Internet. This means that if anyone wants to try to call us at home, which happens on occasion, no one can get through. So despite the fact that we have Internet, I try desperately not to have to use it when I am at home.

I, instead, spend much of my free time drawing, writing, reading, working on puzzles (my MVC group has an unusual attachment to puzzles... maybe I will explain in my next blog), and other various activities of simple living. And, let me just say that I feel I do a much better job at living the "simple life" than does Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie.

Introductions to the Motor City

Life here in the Motor City has been quite nice thus far. Though I have only been here a week, I already feel at home. This just goes to show that home is truly where the heart is, and not merely where you have lived your life. I am living in a quaint 19th century row house in Corktown. Corktown is the oldest still existing neighborhood and if you can not tell from the name, it was originally an Irish community. Already we have met a majority of our neighbors; they are extremely friendly and welcoming even though we are strangers to their community.

As I said, our house is cute and looks like a house you would see in movies as a host for Victorian house parties. I am obsessed with our stairs. The front ones are nice, but the ones i am absolutely in love with are the back set taking you upstairs from the kitchen. You see, back when it was first built, those stairs would take you up to the servant's quarters. Now they just lead up to my room, the former servant's quarters. Currently my room is lovely, not too big and not too small. I have long flowing curtains that seem to give my room a very whimsical feel. But do you expect any less from me? The other 2 bedrooms upstairs are larger than mine, but I think mine has character. The forth room is what we are currently using as a community/ computer/ spirituality/ study room. In the even that my room is unbearably cold in the winter, the front room will become mine. Personally I think it is too big, but on the plus side it has a gorgeous bay window. Hopefully it doesn't come down to me switching rooms.

My roommates are interesting in their own respect. Three of us live together in our wonderful, quirky, corktown house. Anita is my age, also a recent college graduate who aspires to go to Medical School Next year. She is already spending a lot of time working on applications and essays. In the area, Anita has an aunt who meddles professionally and so Anita is still trying to explain 1. our mission here in Detroit for the year, and 2. that she doesn't want to go to Wayne State for Medical School. Makes life interesting I suppose. For the year, Anita will be working at an all Girl Middle school where she will be in charge of the library and supervising the tutoring and after school programs. One day a week she will teach dance to the girls. Anita and I get along quite well, and since our other roommate goes to bed at 8pm every night we have had A LOT of bonding time. I have carried on my roommates' and my tradition of watching Project Runway and crocheting/ knitting with Anita. After only two episodes, she is already hooked onto the show. If i have any say in it, the whole world will know about Project Runway. In turn she has introduced me to John Stewart's Nightly Report and we both agree that it is absolutely brilliant. So, if we both happen to still be up at 11pm we watch John together.

Mary is our other roommate. She is an older woman from Maine and is quite a character if you ask me. I do mean character in a good way. Mary is outspoken and will always say what is on her mind, whether she needs to or not. I think that is a great characteristic to have, though I myself do not possess that quality. As I said, she goes to bed at 8pm, which leaves little bonding time by the time she gets home from work. Fortunately for me, I work with her Wednesday - Friday mornings at Mercy Education Project where we will be helping to tutor women who are trying to achieve their GEDs. The other part of her day is spent working at the Bishop's Peace and Justice office with a Spastic Nun, Sister Rita Mary. Despite her hyper activeness, we love Sister Rita Mary. She is and has been absolutely wonderful to us. The interesting thing about Mary is that she has absolutely no sense of direction and has gotten lost twice on her way home from the Bishop's office. One night she didn't have her cell phone with her, so we had no idea where she was. The second time it happened, she called me and I ended up sprawled across our living room floor on top of a map trying to figure out where she was and how to get her home. Fortunately for her I have a great sense of direction, so when I am in the car we don't get lost.

As for me, we all know that I too have my quirks and so I won't go into detail. I can say though that I have become the one in the house to 1. remember every one's schedules before they remember their own, 2. remember to write a birthday card for everyone from orientation, 3. wake up first and go to sleep last. I know... no one guessed that any of those roles would be taken by me. On the plus side though, I have learned to navigate the city pretty well already; so at least i am good for something. My ministry while here is working at MEP (which i already explained) and working at Matrix Theatre Company. I absolutely love Matrix. It is an awesome theatre whose mission is to make theatre more accessible to the lower classes. What a concept, I love it. They work primarily with puppets, and my current project until things really pick back up again is to work on a script for a puppet version of "A Christmas Carol." I am such a nerd, I know, but its dickens and i get to write a script to puppetify it. Did i mention that i LOVE Dickens? Clearly not as much as Shakespeare, but I still love him and my all time favorite book is Tale of Two Cities. Yeah, again I am a nerd. Other than this project, I will be doing a little bit of everything around there, so i am incredibly excited.

Oh, and if I didn't mention before, our house in Corktown is right down the street from old Tigers Stadium. Very nice location.