Fight or Flight

Every once in a while, I'll admit, I find myself terrified beyond belief. My voice trembles, my hands shake, butterflies fill my stomach, and part of me wants to run as fast as I can away from where I am.



Half of these moments are all I could have ever wanted. I get excited at the prospect of them; I dream about them. Yet, when it comes to up and doing anything about it I am terrified.



I'm not a coward, and I don't want it any less; I think what terrifies me the most is the prospect of my wildest dreams coming true. Part of me is thinking that its too good to be true, that there's got to be a catch. And so, I'd rather not have anything at all.



It's not like me to quit, give up, or run away. I am stubborn and as long as I am willing to let things happen, my fear eventually subsides. I mean there must be a reason this opportunity was even presented before me. Why shouldn't I have what I want? Why shouldn't it work out as I see it?

Maybe this time I will just close my eyes and let myself fall...

Living Life on the Fly

Its time I learned to take that leap and see what I'm made up of. Its time I took a dive with out second guessing where I will land.

The biggest risk in life is never risking anything...

Worse Than Goodbye

It seems to me that as times and people change, you lose track of the reasons for those changes. I can honestly say that a huge turning point in my life was living in Detroit. The people, the place, the environments, the experience changed me forever. Without having lived there I would not be here today.



I find it hard to keep in touch with that world, though. As much as they all meant to me, as much as I love them, as much as I have been bettered because of that experience, it was one I left and never looked back on.

Hopes Can Fly High Too... or is it "Can Fly Too High"

Its a messy business, this one of love and relationships in the midst of trying to create a life for yourself. I suppose that's the way its supposed to be though, I mean you do tend you learn more about yourself when actively engaged in relationships. Friends and lovers teach you a lot about yourself and so it makes perfect sense that we would become entangled in that mess as we are doing other things. That is, after all, when life tends to happen.

I tend to be overly optimistic when I have my eyes on someone. Let's be honest here, anyone who knows me KNOWS how I get when I'm crushing. Not bad, but I definitely get that dreamy lovestruck look in my eyes, not to mention how giddy I get when I am around the person. Not overly giddy (well now anyways) but certainly a noticeable change in my persona. In the worst case scenarios I get obsessive to the point where I will talk incessantly about the person, but its been a while since I let a crush get that bad. An attitude like that sets you up to be crushed by your crush.

In all honesty, I can never tell if a guy I am interested in is interested back. Half the time I just see what happens and any chance fades away with time. The worst is when you find out months, even years later that that person fancied you at the time and neither did anything. What are you going to do? Its not like you can go back and change the past or make it happen now. Times change, people change and in the end if it didn't happen, it wasn't a lost chance, it just wasn't meant to be.

The moments you actually want to work out, will work out. The people you are finally willing to take chances on are the ones (in your world anyways) who are worth it. In the end you will have a plethora of stories that you'll look back on and wonder who thought that up. I'm not going to lie, relationships rarely get to the point of "relationship" in my world. I couldn't tell you why, they just don't. When I see potential, though, I have learned to trust my gut... but listen to my heart. Those two working together will never let you down. Its when you're head gets in the way that things start to unravel.

Think through things all you want, let your head go where it wants to. For things that matter, throw all of those thoughts aside (good and bad) and listen whole heartedly to what your heart tells you to do. As Edward Monkton quoted on one of his cards, "sometimes the heart should follow the mind. Sometimes the heart should tell the mind to stay at home and stop interfering."

Hmmm we shall see where this leads me...