Beware the Ides of March

Today was a day like any other, and yet like nothing at all. I started my second week on this new job, still working out of the same Brooklyn offices I worked out of before. The walk to work was no different than it had been before, but it was completely different.

Recently my body is on autopilot as I walk to work, giving my mind time enough to just wander. I know the walk like the back of my hand, no way am I going to lose my way or miss a turn. The only problem is that nothing seems right. It was a grey and dreary day, but its not a new thing. What was up?

Suddenly I was noticing a building with vines crawling up it, apartments that seemed out of place for the street, awnings I didn't know existed, colors that were too bright or too dull, ally ways I had never seen before, and streets that even as I walk straight down them as usual seem unfamiliar. My IPOD played all the songs it tends to neglect. For a brief moment in time I felt out of place but at home all in one go.


Something has to be going awry today. Clearly I must have stepped into some alternate parallel universe, what other explanation is there for suddenly feeling like you don't know where you are anymore? That is aside from the silly existential crises so common to my existence. As soon as I got to the office, I would plan an escape route... or an adventure.

There was of course no need for one. I blame it on the Ides of March, this day always seems to put me in an odd mindset. However, as off as I felt, I welcomed the change in perception. My head is so often left in the clouds pondering this existence that I sometimes forget to notice things around me. I hate that tendency, and yet we all fall victim to this lack of perception.

In a way, that's what the Ides of March is all about. Ceasar failed to notice the displeasure and restlessness of his Senate, which led to his ultimate demise.

"Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in
our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

I like to think that this particular day is not one of malfortune, but a time to pay attention, to open our eyes, to take action, and to take hold of our own fate. We may not always know what is out there or what it is we are really beginning to understand, but opening our eyes to the world around us is the first step to getting there.

Alternatively, if I am stuck in some parallel dimension, then awareness of the world around me can only help to get me back home.

*I am aware that malfortune is not a dictionary word, but misfortune is not quite what I was going for. When in need of a new word, I say make it up.*

War, Peace and Roommates

Somehow, I find myself in the midst of an apartment war. Battle is at a stand still for the moment. Any attempt I have tried at peace talks has failed; all that is left to do is to wait it out, watch for signs of a potential attack and hope it will all work out in the end.

Funny, the way we end up in situations, wondering how we get there in the first place. Aside from not letting her move in in the first place, was there was anything I could have done to prevent the situation? Probably not.

All in all, she has now indicated intent to move out. When? I have no idea. The only notice I received was in response to an email I sent about rent and bills: “I need the March rent when I move out. I'm not going to give you my rent check this March If I don't move out you can't look for a new roommate so don't worry.”

Not only does this not make sense, but indicates she doesn’t understand her legal obligations to the apartment. She also ignored the fact that she owes me money for bills. Like hell I’m not going to worry.

What do I want in a living situation? All I want is to live peacefully, to communicate like adults and, in an ideal world, be friends. Well, and someone to pay bills on time. She is not that roommate, but I’m stuck because she’s on the lease.

No matter what, I still try to live by the golden rule. This has been a struggle for me. How do you show respect for someone who clearly thinks you’re out to get her, and who tells you how much they hate you every time she confronts you?

You do what you have to do. You live as you normally would, still reaching out if you need to, still trying to not create drama, and (as my mother said) not expecting anything in return. This is a hard, hard, hard thing to do.

Many people have offered advice:

• avoid her all together, communicating only by post its and emails,
• hold her to her actions (if its something she would blow up at you over, return the respect)
• write to her parents with an invoice of what she owes, clearly reminding them of her legal responsibility
• push all her buttons until she goes crazy and either threatens or hits me
• talk to the landlord and get her evicted (this actually takes more violation on her part)

Why won’t any of these actually work? Recent history tells me she either cannot or will not understand simple communication, and she thinks beyond reasonable doubt that I am deliberately screwing with her. Why waste my time contriving plans that won’t produce results, will escalate the situation and will leave me feeling guilty? For my sake, even though it frustrates me how nothing is happening, I need to hold down the fort and wait it out. After all, “If you’re going through hell, keep on moving, don’t slow down, you might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.” At least I have friends and family to help me get through.

If all else fails, I am secure that if it came down to it, I could take her. And if it turns out that she is some weird possessed ghost like in the ring, I always have an escape plan.

Do you ever find your self down a path and not quite sure how you arrived there?